First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@warby68 I’m not really doing very well with engaging with family trying as much as I can but tbh I get back from work and go to bed most days idk it’s not because I don’t go to the gym anymore fml haha. I get she’s frustrated with me tbf I don’t think I’d want to live with such a miserable !!!!!! either at her age. I’ve had the realisation life is nothing but a massive scam. Get to one level and next and always 10 more after and yet they are kind of the same.

@RelievedSheff I don’t know what you think life holds post payoff? New home hopefully tbf that’s just another commitment though. 

I’m not up to getting out on long walks. Had to laugh earlier got a message through from my mate he’s in Ibiza with his student girlfriend been up all night fml I’m def old before my time ha.

Given up probably a good assessment of where I am rn. Laugh at myself when I was waiting for lockdowns to end couldn’t !!!!!! wait tbh rn if Boris announced another so long as it wasn’t the full work shut down I’d 100% welcome that, no pressure to be out and no staff going out either.  

@stymied I’ve had enough of cars tbh I’m just fed up of them.

MG - she takes him out in it so he doesn’t miss out but I agreed to buy it so need to speak to him at some point. If she wants it and is going to carry on spending money out of the allocation it’s not happening or she can ask her dad if he can buy it for her or something idk.

@getmore4less I’m trying but I’m exhausted most of the time. No real point in planning for things I am not capable of doing, tbf I need something to liven me up lol.

Iswyacf but better to be working than just sat at home. Feel absolutely !!!!!! terrible today with no work.  

Not even off track with any debts mate tbf.

My wife does lots of things with him over the holidays. He doesn’t miss out because of me.

RelievedSheff

He misses out on time with his dad.

You are tired because you are working too hard for too long and by the sounds of it just eating chicken salad again so not feeding your body the nutrients it needs.

Something has to give Alt. You can't carry on like that.

I hope you are speaking to the pros about this and taking on their advice.

ETA: Life after "pay off" for us will mean less working hours, more time to explore, more financial freedom to do what we want. Once our mortgage is paid off (in hopefully less than the 14 years left) then we will cut down our working week to 4 days a week. We have no real desire to move on from where we live unless something drastic changes. We certainly don't want to extend the mortgage term at all.

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt you said

'My wife does lots of things with him over the holidays. He doesn’t miss out because of me.'

He misses you, can't you see that.

ladyholly

By the sound of it you need a few good meals. Your wife may function on little food but you can't.
As grumplestitskin said  your  son is missing out and so are you. Start planning activities again. Doesn't matter what. 
Your son needs a Male role model please try to be one not someone who hides at work when things feel tough. He wont be a child for long make some good memories for him and more particularly for you.

warby68

I think maybe you should come back here a bit more. You took a lot more on board when you were more active on your diary.

You seem to be perpetuating your own misery with your old bad habits ( not the big one of course) - if you still can't see that your son needs you over and above any activity its time to ramp up your professional support and your own efforts to break out of the self-inflicted cycle. Consoling yourself that he gets everything from your wife is just denial, sorry.

Come on @alt80 get back in the game

eat properly, not her daft diet
work less
fill the diary
do something with your boy, anything

If you really can't give yourself your own kick up the backside, maybe you do need other types of professional help. I'm no medic but your 'what's the point', exhaustion, lethergy and apathy are textbook as far as I know. Summer's on the way, don't let it go to waste. You've got a little sports car, a gorgeous boy and a million and one things to do that you can easily afford.

alt80

@RelievedSheff I am spending some time with him when I can. Took him to work last Monday. I know it's not great but I'm trying. I know I'm never going to win dad of the year lol but better than I was. I do need to try to pull myself together a bit tbf. 

I think that'll work really well for you, few of my staff are in a similar position to what you're planning - older but winding down a bit, working 3-4 days and like going away not to the extent you do generally but same kind of mindset. I hadn't meant you moving house, I was talking about me. I need to get the current commitments down to move to my probably last home. Would like to think I maybe have 2 moves left but idk will probably be 1.

@Grumpelstiltskin I'm trying my best, we do get time together but he needs to have fun. He's an active kid, loves just about any sport and getting out with the dog. He still likes his garden too. Have to say I still look back on that day before lockdown 2 one of the best lol. He is definitely growing up now though, those days in lockdown seem a long way back when I look at him now.

@ladyholly my son has good role models. FIL spends a lot of time with him. He and I have a lot of different views but he is a pro at family - credit where due ha. Son's mate from school is always around here in the holidays and his dad is quite involved, always books a few days out during holidays and they have started to take our son with them on the days out so sees a lot of him. It's a bit of a thanks for wife having their son whilst they are working. While I don't consider myself a good role model I do my best for him too.

@warby68 Things aren't great but I'll be OK and 100% done with the 'big one' can tell you that lol. 1000% I'm never going to touch that stuff again.

I'm on track with my finances. Wife is spending more than I'd like her to but it's not nightmare levels and largely manageable. Won't stop being thankful for those on here who have listened to my droning on, def helped to make me realise I need to sort it out and I am sorting it out, all being well, will be thankful to those on here including you again when I'm moving into a new home in a few years time.

theoretica

I think you have done fabulously well at cutting damaging things out of your life - but it seems to me this has left your life a bit empty.  You have removed a lot of things, but not added much to take their place in proportion to the size and absorption of what was removed.  New significant commitments or activities probably sound to you like the last thing you want - but I hope you find some and realise you did need them!

Also - EAT well.  Nothing wrong with chicken salad as part of what you eat, but you clearly need to add more to it than your wife does.

TheAble

Alt some of us just like working, myself included. You too by the sounds. So what?  Just do what makes you happy. Embrace your work and enjoy it and the rest may well follow.

alt80

Can’t say I’m a big fan of Fridays rn some of my staff enjoy going out at the weekend and it just trips me off. Suppose to normal people it’s just a bit of fun and a reminder to me that it’s something I can’t do anymore. Don’t enjoy life these days tbh really struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Never can go out again, can’t spend idk sad really get to Friday and tbf I !!!!!! miss it. 

@TheAble tbh work is about the only thing that keeps me half sane. Something to concentrate on.

RelievedSheff

Why do you think that you can never go out again?