First Steps to Solvency

warby68

It sounds tough going Alt, mainly in your head obviously - I hope you're getting the support you need.

Try and get the balance back with work - it all feels a bit 'off' at the moment for you.

Go back to the basics of other activities and sticking to them. Let some simple joy with your son come back.

Keep going though, you're heading for a year soon. That's a colossal achievement.

ladyholly

Forget work for a few days. You know your staff are capable so spend some time with your family doing simple thinngs. Walking, gardening, playing with your dog, perhaps a kick about with your son, cooking with your son. Remember no matter how awful you feel he needs his dad whether you believe that or not.

stymied

Spending a bit of money is ok. It’s just something that should be done in moderation and within budget. If a day trip buys your son some pleasure and good family memories then that is an sound investment.

alt80

Trying for another day off work today. Been on the emails tbf already lol. 

Yesterdays calendar was get moving ha can’t not when with wife for the day. She wants me back in the gym !!!!!! cure all that is in her head. Today is eat a rainbow of vegetables will make a change from plain chicken salad I suppose. 

We are still using the cars and she is right one is better than the other for different reasons. Needs and wants really. Going to have to face my mate with the MG that’s sat in my garage at some point don’t really know what to do about that. Wife and son like it but she’s been spending well over what we’ve agreed again. Just something then something else and another thing idk cost of keeping her happy I suppose but not really helping things nothing makes me feel more of a failure than telling her she needs to rein it in a bit. Could have done a lot better than me I know but are where we are really.

Fairly pleasant weather this morning so am going to try to get out for a bit. 

RelievedSheff

You need to stop it with the negative thinking or you will end up way back where you started again.

Give your wife a realistic budget and make her stick too it. She has proven that she can do it when she wants too. You need to be realistic with the budget if you are both going to make it work long term. Tightening the reins too much will just lead to blow outs for you both which is no good.

alt80

@RelievedSheff tbh life just seems like a massive !!!!!! waste of time rn. Don’t even know what I’m in business for beyond paying banks and it being something to do to keep my mind off how !!!!!! life is. I get you love life or seems that way from what you write on here and fair play it must be nice so understand you don’t see it from my perspective. 

She can do it just doesn’t want to; likes nice things too much I used to be the same. Can’t really blame her for that, she’s still young and wants to have a life. 

I won’t start spending again I’m 100% done with it one card for personal in my wallet and I aim to use it as little as possible. I still get my wife to pay for things if we’re together I don’t need to get into the habits of buying stuff again.

warby68

You probably need to engage more again. When she's on her own a lot spending is her main 'go to'.

Perhaps also not seem so down about everything yourself (presumptive of me but she must know you're not doing well when you're at work or in the office too much) - I think she benefits from you leading the way in general.

Fake it to make it sometimes works you know. I get why you're 'flat', you're at an 'is this it?' stage I suspect. What you don't get yet is how good 'it' can be. 

Wishing you all well

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff tbh life just seems like a massive !!!!!! waste of time rn. Don’t even know what I’m in business for beyond paying banks and it being something to do to keep my mind off how !!!!!! life is. I get you love life or seems that way from what you write on here and fair play it must be nice so understand you don’t see it from my perspective. 

She can do it just doesn’t want to; likes nice things too much I used to be the same. Can’t really blame her for that, she’s still young and wants to have a life. 

I won’t start spending again I’m 100% done with it one card for personal in my wallet and I aim to use it as little as possible. I still get my wife to pay for things if we’re together I don’t need to get into the habits of buying stuff again.

Life won't always be paying back the banks. What you are doing now is paying back your commitments you have made to the banks. You chose to take them so now is the time to pay them back.

It won't always be like that.

Hiding away in the office doesn't change that,

Your wife and son need you and you need them. You were so much happier when you were getting out and about with them and not locking yourself away. Getting out with the family doesn't have to be expensive. A walk in the countryside is free and good for you all.

You seem as though you have given up and that isn't a good mind set to have. You need to rediscover that life is worth living, just not in the way that you had become accustomed too in the past.

stymied

Why aren’t you willing to drive the MG? It seems to somehow be linked with excess spending in what you’ve written but it’s a lovely treat for your son with little outlay.

I’m no doctor but it seems clear from the way you’re feeling that you’re depressed. Have the pros said the same?

getmore4less

As said you were a lot happier when you had stuff planned with family, what happened?

You are creating a self fulfilling spiral.

You stop going out with the family and that causes the wife to have too much free time and starts spending again with sets you off you need to be doing things together and planning things to do.

Does not matter if it costs some money for some fuel, a lunch  or even a night in a hotel.

We have gone over the business and working a lot of hours before, you are just not productive and end up creating more work.

Lets be real here it generates £100k free cashflow after tax with very little effort on your part if you wanted.

The business debt is creating more money than it costs so not an issue as long as you don't mess it up.

Personal debt is on track as planned and has wiggle room for the family stuff. 

The slog period is getting to you I think everyone goes through it, its working and you just have to go with it.

Make the most of what's left of the holidays and get out in this nice weather  a little cool but should stay dry.


Don't understand why you did not go Karting