First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

I hadn't pick up earlier you may be back to eating terrible food again.

if that is the case no wonder you can't do anything but sit in a chair staring at a screen.

Prioritise the family things and if nothing left drop the work, a lot you do is not productive anyway.


I think you may have got into the trap your parents suffered from with their business.
They could not manage the transition that could have scaled their business,  so ended up just working longer hours for little or no reward.

Working harder/longer is not the solution it makes it worse and slower.

Amber1980

I really hope you start to get better soon,a year or so into being sober was the hardest time for me, I suddenly felt lost and as I said before my problems and worries really came to the surface.
Nearly six years on I now rarely go out in the evening cos it turns out I just don’t want to!
But I love going for coffee/lunch/walks etc with friends and I see my friends more than ever,it took a while to juggle it and for some of them to realise that if they still wanted to see me it had to be under slightly different circumstances,and I have to be really quite selfish sometimes about doing only what suits me as I find I burn out very quickly if I overdo it, I still sometimes struggle through the days, and I’m on antidepressants and will probably always be but I have learned to accept that this is how I am now, I hope you find peace soon,you sound very low.

satchmo1

How about the three of you going along to your nearest parkrun, which is every Saturday at 9am (08.50 for briefing, particularly useful for newcomers). It's a 5k course, which you don't have to "run" you can walk, or walk and run, and there's a great atmosphere. There are always "tail runners" who walk behind the slowest person, so no-one is ever left behind.

They are usually in parks. I used to go until ill health struck. It's a great way to meet new people. Yes, the first one's home are super quick, but my time used to be around 36 minutes and I wasn't the last one home. When I tail-walked it was usually 1hr 10 minutes. I've known 80 year olds, new mums with buggies, blind runners (with a guide), youngsters with autism, a chap recovering from a heart attack, a chap who'd previously broken his back. One parkrun begins the briefing with a poem (Ormskirk), where there's a cafe, loads of people get together afterwards for coffee while the results are being tallied. You get your results by text that day.

It used to set me up for the day, no matter what the weather.

mark55man

good luck mate. the slog is hard, but you get used to it and you learn to enjoy the stuff you do and you learn to enjoy more stuff that doesn't tic the boxes right now. I think it was quite early in the diary that I posted about Raymond Chandler - author of the Philip Marlowe detective novels - all set about 70years ago. The quote is about alcohol (this character RW was a black out alcoholic) but I think its true about money saving as well ie replace drinking in the first line with spending

― Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye:

RW "Maybe I can quit drinking one of these days. They all say that, don't they?"
PM "It takes about three years."
RW "Three years?" He looked shocked.
PM "Usually it does. It's a different world. You have to get used to a paler set of colours, a quieter lot of sounds. You have to allow for relapses. All the people you used to know well will get to be just a little strange. You won't even like most of them, and they won't like you too well.”

Maybe you should try reading for a bit of peace and quiet - I like Marlowe strong characters (men and women) but cares for the little guy trying to make it through. But don't use it to isolate - jut chill with your family - a beach trip is always cool - the gower or norfolk beaches - you may need to spend something, but tbh unless you are in Brighton there is only so much you can buy at the seaside

alt80

Had a truly awful weekend almost over and just realising I’m letting life pass me by staying in bed stalking old mates on social media I used spend weekends with because they are out and I’m not / can’t. !!!!!! stupid and just losing my family in a different way. Wife said to me on Saturday if I knew how pathetic I sound I’d sort myself out, didn’t react in the best way then but she’s got a point tbh. I lost friends when after lockdown and general covid life they returned to life pre covid and I felt I couldn’t. They still have their weekends and their cars etc and that crowd always meant more to me than some people who tbt are better friends and in the case of a few better employees. 

Tonight I realised I’m pushing my family, other friends and people I know through business away because my addiction is letting me think that’s all a good time is. Resulted in wasting a weekend in bed, watching people on IG off their heads reminiscing the old days fml nothing more sad than that I know. I have been ignoring what I need to do for some time. Routine and carrying on doing the good things are really important in recovery. Definitely been avoiding coming on here for the good advice ha. Tbh I’ve been hoping for some miracle that I can suddenly find myself being able to ‘enjoy’ what I used to call a ‘weekend’ again without !!!!!! it for myself. Come this far with trying to sort my personal life out and thought about it too much to just turn back down the old paths. I do need to get myself off to bed now but thanks for some things to think about and I know tomorrow is a new day.

mark55man

you got this - for sure its dark at the moment, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and its not always a train

warby68

Well done for admitting all that @alt80

You need to find some strength and commitment for rebuilding your life as well as just staying clean. I'm sure doing the former will help with the latter. Your wife is right even if harsh. I said earlier about 'fake it to make it'. I had PND and that was the first step for me, making myself do things I didn't actually want to but knew 'intellectually' would be good. Small things at first. 

See if you can take a step or two. Start climbing out of the hole. Maybe a quick check in with people you value. An apology for absence. People who want you to do well will help you feel better. Just talking and connecting is very valuable. Noone can do this for you but reconnection is its own help.

Come on alt, dig deep.

alt80

Well Monday not been the best start was awake 6am but didn’t get up my boy thinks I’m unwell and is worried about me if I didn’t feel bad enough already. Had to laugh at the mention of scaling my business on here I don’t even care about making more money anymore tbh I don’t spend and I don’t see the point beyond giving my wife more to spend and tbh I’ve not got the energy if she wants to !!!!!! and find someone doing better in life I get that, it’s fair enough really. Do have fleeting thoughts about working towards a new home but most of the time don’t even see the point in that. Scaling up just seems more responsibility to more people and rn seems I’m responsible for too many. Tbh everyone tells me how ‘well’ I’m doing purely because I’m coming up to a year off the coke but my mental health is shredded, life completely !!!!!! empty all I can think about is ensuring I stay away from situations and avoiding shops. 

I know I needed to stop spending like an absolute !!!!!! madman and couldn’t just carry on refinancing assets indefinitely but where I am rn being the consequence of that fml times I think might as well just relapse have some fun if I didn’t have responsibilities to far too !!!!!! many people.

RelievedSheff

That's just your addiction talking.

Don't let it beat you!

alt80

@RelievedSheff I can’t let it beat me mate too many people rely on me. 

Think it was you who said you might earn less but you’re happier and you’re not a debt ridden cokehead too !!!!!! true that ha.