First Steps to Solvency

Allikat86

Alt, recovery often looks like multiple relapses. It’s how you respond to the relapses that’ll determine your future. If you are continuing to engage with your professional support then be honest with them - if you’ve dropped away from support then you have the finances to quickly re-engage with it. You are fortunate that you are able to engage with counselling quickly - there are substantial waiting lists for non privately funded therapy when you have a coke addiction. 

I don’t want to give advice because ultimately you have autonomy over your own decisions, and you know the routes available to you. Ultimately both you and your wife need to put your son first. We only see your wife through your lens so it’s hard to say what the reality of this all is. Good luck.

carolbee

Good luck Alt, hope for the very best for you and your family in the future

Four_Seasons

good luck Alt hope everything gets better for you.

alt80

Day 2 today thank you all. I do not want to give up hope that I can beat this or stop fighting need to get back on track before I completely !!!!!! my life up. Also I want to sort my finances out once and for all. All goes out the window when my head is in the wrong place. I actually think potentially just paying the cards off through a dividend is possibly the best thing to do and close all the accounts. One to discuss with my accountant really not something for me to just go and do but thanks for that suggestion.

Very lucky to have a good team; business wouldn’t be where it is today just left to me I know that much. 

Things aren’t great between my family and I.

Thank you to everyone, I want to beat this but it’s a very long !!!!!! road from here I know.

dawnybabes

It is a long road with lots of twists and turns but with the right support you can get there.

your wife also needs help to stop prodding you and baiting the bear - you need her support and her on your side - from your posts she isn’t ! She’s on team shop not team support 

theoretica

alt80 said:

Day 2 today thank you all.

Welcome back to the count.

Humdinger1

@alt80 you deserve credit for telling it like it is and climbing back on.  You can do this and you have many supporters on here.   Please keep posting love Humdinger xx 

ladyholly

Good luck in your long journey. It wont be easy but you know that. I hope your wife will support you and always remember your son needs his dad especially as he approaches his teenage years.
Engage with the people who can help and support you and seek to find things in you life that bring you joy. Look at your photos often and try to create new ones of the good times you have with your family.

vampirotoothus

Alt I think your wife needs pro support too.
The problem with living with an addict is that they are unreliable and so you get used to doing EVERYTIHING yourself to make sure it gets done, i.e. looking after the house, your son, you, food, cleaning, bills. You get used to doing it. Then the addict says I am going to try and beat it and just like that they expect everything to fall into place. But the partner struggles with this new situation because they are used to being self reliant and not being able to count on you. Every day they look for signs that you are ok, or that you are using again. They can't actually believe that you will support them and be in life  together. This, for them,, is as difficult to get over as your addiction is. 
I write this as a partner of an alcoholic, one who is also now very ill. Things will never be the same for us. Please make sure you both get the help you need, to work together to look after your son. Good luck V x

Allikat86

vampirotoothus said:

Alt I think your wife needs pro support too.
The problem with living with an addict is that they are unreliable and so you get used to doing EVERYTIHING yourself to make sure it gets done, i.e. looking after the house, your son, you, food, cleaning, bills. You get used to doing it. Then the addict says I am going to try and beat it and just like that they expect everything to fall into place. But the partner struggles with this new situation because they are used to being self reliant and not being able to count on you. Every day they look for signs that you are ok, or that you are using again. They can't actually believe that you will support them and be in life  together. This, for them,, is as difficult to get over as your addiction is. 
I write this as a partner of an alcoholic, one who is also now very ill. Things will never be the same for us. Please make sure you both get the help you need, to work together to look after your son. Good luck V x

As someone who works in safeguarding/addiction support and also as someone who had a partner that struggled with addiction, I wholeheartedly agree with all of this. Your wife needs her own support for multiple reasons - to be able to effectively support you, to draw her own boundaries and know when she needs to step back, and also separate support for her own issues with spending.