First Steps to Solvency

stymied · 15 February 2022 at 10:29PM

Flowers and fragrance sounds lovely and a good balance between something that will be enjoyed vs something that will just be unwrapped, showed off on Instagram then shoved in a cupboard.

Has Instagram crept back in or email adverts? Have there been harsh words in counselling? Something is encouraging you to think “stuff” is needed again.

woahsoah · 16 February 2022 at 2:47AM

alt80 said:

Not easy knowing if she’d have known I wouldn’t have been able to provide her with the lifestyle she wanted she wouldn’t have chosen to stick with me. I’ve had to explain I’m doing the best I can in business it’s not a simple case of I could take more to suit what she wants - have to keep the ship afloat and staff wages before I can begin to look at taking more myself.

Sounds like the ball is in her court now? You've been on track for a while now. She shouldn't keep bringing up the same issue expecting a different outcome when it's triggering. She can't hold you to account on promises you once made, "vast wealth" is never a certainty. Her decision to jump aboard the alt80 train was not risk free.

Unfortunately, I expect you will continue to grow and eventually realise how unhealthy/deluded her frame of mind is.

I wanted to add. When I started reading your diary I thought you were a right plonker. I've sold some uk property and am quite heavy in cash now. Was looking at your HMO returns, etc. If it wasn't for keeping our anonymity and that you are some random bloke on the internet, I would of considered some portfolio with you. You don't seem like a plonker at all to me now and have turned it around. If I had known you in real life it would be something I'd consider. I know this is all "what ifs" but you probably underestimate how unlikely I would of been to give you money at the start of this diary! That wasn't meant to be a backhanded compliment. Well done for 250+ days

ladyholly · 16 February 2022 at 9:05AM

I am sorry that you are still getting abuse from your wife. Has she started counselling yet?

You are doing so well and surely she can see that complaining that you dont earn enough if bad for your mental health. I hope you and she can get past this and you can both lead a more sustainable life without her wanting stupid amounts of stuff and you feeling guilty you cant give it too her.

bookworm_nat123 · 16 February 2022 at 12:26PM

Alt you are doing so well and have come so far, you should be really proud of everything you have achieved.

At the moment it keeps coming back to your wife and her lifestyle, ask yourself why does she deserve to be spending that kind of money? The average family does not have the earnings that you do but as shown on here but many don't think they are 'failing' or that they don't have things they deserve. I use the term lightly but 'just' being your wife and the one you love doesn't make her any different to the partners of others who don't have that kind of money. She really needs to understand how fortunate she is already.

Kakiste · 16 February 2022 at 2:59PM

Also picking up on what you said a few post back; it don't think it would be good for anyone to have access to unlimited spending. I think it would leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

There's a chinese proverb that my friend from Hong Kong uses a lot; 'May all your dreams but one come true' I love it, encapsulates how important it is not to get everything you want.

warby68 · 18 February 2022 at 11:40AM

Hope you're hanging on in there @alt80

Its a rubbish time of year all round as well so not a lot external to pick you up. I don't think that helps.

Check in when you can.

katsu · 19 February 2022 at 1:55AM

I'm really interested in why your wife feels that a high earning footballer was a realistic prospect. There are very few that earn the mega bucks for long or at all (and most have to find a new career when they retire as they are so young). Did she leave one to date you instead? If not, isn't it just a childhood fantasy like marrying a prince or whatever?

I find myself thinking maybe you and Mrs Alt are quite alike in sharing some very incorrect thinking (just different in the focus of it) and I hope that from that you'll be able to grow together as you both make peace with your old selves with your faulty logic and see it for what it is, incorrect and in the past.

So maybe Alt you can work with the pros on how to deal with the way her strange logic affects you, and she can work on why she's got her unrealistic thinking which affects her happiness and prevents her really enjoying her life.

I think if she engaged with the help you could both be so happy, so I hope she engages as I'm sure she'll end up much happier when she's living this life, just like you, instead of focusing on unreality in her head like the old you.