First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

Treating yourself is perfectly reasonable - but there is a scale to such things.  And a frequency - 'treats' all the time aren't treats, well unless you are a dog, but his are cheap. 

I do think you need to change your cards around - so instead of a card giving access to all the bank's money they have some limit for unplanned spending - for both of you! 

Legs21

Is it a knee jerk spend because you said no to your sons bedroom refurb so she’s gone and spent it elsewhere instead? 

You explained to her last year that the vow renewal wouldn’t be an expensive second wedding. Did you set a budget for it? I’d be tempted to cancel the vow renewal and just go on a normal holiday with the in laws to see your parents. 

Make her send them back, no excuses! How is she going to learn to live within a budget if you keep covering all her spending? 

poppy811

I have feeling that this is about setting you up to fail.  You can’t give me the lifestyle I require. Time to say earn some money to help, why is it down to you to sustain her live style.  

ladyholly

You have been so strong in helping yourself now is the time to be strong to get your wife to act as an adult and stop blaming you for everything. She cannot go on playing the blame game as not only does it not help her it actually causes you harm - mentally, physically and financially.

I dont know how you can do it as I dont know her and you say you cant stop her cards so perhaps her own bank account with a monthly allowance paid into it might work. It would mean you taking over all household spending but you have to decide if you are ready for that. I can only say that you cannot let her go on sabotaging your plans andd she has to understand that excess spending has consequences.

I can only wish you luck in finding a solution.

MatyMoo

Has Mrs Alt spent more than the value of the MG? If so, could you say that it has to go back to your friend as you now can’t afford to pay him for it this year now?

Purplelady65

I’m sorry to hear about your wife overspending. Is the amount in the thousands rather than hundreds of pounds if it’s going to affect the balloon payment? I’m presuming she just went out and spent the money without consulting you? 

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are having problems again with your wife’s over spending. I would cancel her cards too but I have a feeling you won’t do that. When is the balloon due? 

warby68

I'm very sorry too.

She has 'spoilt' 2022 already in terms of both the budget and the vow renewal and the implications are going to linger.

Its been said many times that you should take firmer action and you have said many times that you owe her/she deserves so you won't force it. Until this dynamic changes a true new start really isn't happening, either relationship-wise or money-wise. Your fear of upsetting/losing her and her sense of entitlement/no responsibility have made a viscious circle.

Even if you won't restrict her, I agree you should confide in the inlaws and also postpone the vow renewal. The meaning for that just isn't there yet. 

You are doing very well though despite still having her as your Achilles' heel. 

Your count is great and still absolutely worth it.

SusieT

I am so sorry your wife has overspent again and spoiled things for you. I would be with those saying to take her cards away and give her a preloaded one that you can load each month so that she only has what is there, or reduce the limits to a couple of hundred £
She really needs to get professional help, as thinking she could find or could have found someone who will let her spend uncontrolled amounts is totally unrealistic, and she should be thanking her stars that she has found someone as tolerant as you. The problem is that she will not want to admit that her attitude/addiction is not normal and that she needs help. Could FIL try to get through to her or would he be brushed off as well? 
You deserve so much better than the way she did that to you, especially after you have done so brilliantly to sort yourself out and get clean.

katsu

I'm really sorry to hear what happened Alt. I think Legs had a good point when they asked if you knew what triggered your wife making this spend? Whether you tell us or not, I think that's a great question. 

At some stage I hope your wife will engage with some support to explore her feelings. It must be hard for her if she has this perception that she could be living a life of near unlimited wealth.  I was very struck by the commenter that a footballer could have been injured and thus not earning mega bucks.  

I don't want to denigrate your wife as like you (and the rest of us humans), she has a life challenge. Hers I think is to realise what she has and find contentment, and a sense of personal fulfilment. She's missing out it seems on that gratitude and joy. I am optimistic that she finds it at some point. It's just hard for you until she gets there! 

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