First Steps to Solvency

Cherryfudge

There have been a number of negative comments about Alt's wife's behaviour and I'm not excusing the things she's said about marrying a footballer but aside from that, as annabanana82 has pointed out, she works hard in a none-paid role to keep his home and office to a very high standard.

She has her own difficulties with being in the workplace. Yes, those of us who do paid work or have to support ourselves know it has undoubted benefits but until she can see and want that for herself, a bunch of people on the internet railing about it is not going to help. She has issues - we all do. Just because it's not our particular area of weakness doesn't give us the right to go on about it.

She's also stayed with him through some tough times: not everyone would have done this.

It must be hard for Alt to hear our negative comments: he knows this behaviour for what it is, but no one is perfect and they are working other areas out. Hopefully she will mature and learn not to say things like this. Without her support Alt would have had a harder time getting through last year. Perhaps it would be more constructive for us to give positive support to Alt, who has shown admirable intelligence, insight and strength of character in turning his life around, and let him leave that episode behind.

woahsoah

Cherryfudge said:

There have been a number of negative comments about Alt's wife's behaviour and I'm not excusing the things she's said about marrying a footballer but aside from that, as annabanana82 has pointed out, she works hard in a none-paid role to keep his home and office to a very high standard.

The above can be outsourced easily enough. I have a cleaner who does 10 hours a week in my home and have someone else who preps meals for us. I think the "marrying footballer" comments are hard to overlook, well would be for me at least. Alt has been doing wonderfully, I don't often check in, but when I do I see the wife wanting to spend 12k on a kid's bedroom.

RelievedSheff

Cherryfudge said:

There have been a number of negative comments about Alt's wife's behaviour and I'm not excusing the things she's said about marrying a footballer but aside from that, as annabanana82 has pointed out, she works hard in a none-paid role to keep his home and office to a very high standard.

She has her own difficulties with being in the workplace. Yes, those of us who do paid work or have to support ourselves know it has undoubted benefits but until she can see and want that for herself, a bunch of people on the internet railing about it is not going to help. She has issues - we all do. Just because it's not our particular area of weakness doesn't give us the right to go on about it.

She's also stayed with him through some tough times: not everyone would have done this.

It must be hard for Alt to hear our negative comments: he knows this behaviour for what it is, but no one is perfect and they are working other areas out. Hopefully she will mature and learn not to say things like this. Without her support Alt would have had a harder time getting through last year. Perhaps it would be more constructive for us to give positive support to Alt, who has shown admirable intelligence, insight and strength of character in turning his life around, and let him leave that episode behind.

Some of us manage to hold down jobs and do what Alts wife does as well. 

Cooking (not sure you cook salad mind), cleaning and child care if you have children are part of family life.

MatyMoo

Does Alt want to be a part time father? Having just started to build a relationship with his family I think sending Mrs Alt on her way would be an awful thing to do for everyone 😢 What does need resolving is her below the belt comments which she knows hit him where it hurts!

the family are in the lucky position where there don’t need her income, I had friends in the same situation and the wife found herself a job when the youngest reached secondary school, but it was her choice to do so.

Legs21

I don’t think the issue is that Alt’s wife is a SAHM. I think it’s that she’s a SAHM who complains about a lack of money coming into the household. 

theoretica

I wonder if Mrs Alt didn't say she wanted to spend 12k on their son's room - my suspicion is she described a completely uncosted castle in the air without thought or regard to prices and it was Alt who actually added up the cost.

Purplelady65

Legs21 I don’t think the issue is that Alt’s wife is a SAHM. I think it’s that she’s a SAHM who complains about a lack of money coming into the home. 

I agree that if a couple decide that one of them will stay at home and they are both in agreement with that arrangement then that’s fine. However it is then not fair for the person staying at home to complain that the other half isn’t earning enough.  

Cherryfudge - I don’t think that many of the comments are overly critical of Alt’s wife. Yes, as you suggest we could only focus on Alt’s achievements and cheer him on but his wife’s behaviour and comments that he ‘doesn’t earn enough’, she ‘could have married a footballer’ and he’s ‘rubbish at business’ are meant to cause hurt to Alt. I don’t think she will mature and learn not to say these things as you suggest as these comments have been ongoing ever since Alt started his diary. There’s a reason she’s making these comments and it needs addressing otherwise as a couple they are just stuck in a repeated cycle of unhelpful behaviours and feelings. The fact Alt can’t brush them aside as rubbish is a reason to address them to help him move forward. 

Cherryfudge

Purplelady65 said:

Cherryfudge - I don’t think that many of the comments are overly critical of Alt’s wife. Yes, as you suggest we could only focus on Alt’s achievements and cheer him on but his wife’s behaviour and comments that he ‘doesn’t earn enough’, she ‘could have married a footballer’ and he’s ‘rubbish at business’ are meant to cause hurt to Alt. I don’t think she will mature and learn not to say these things as you suggest as these comments have been ongoing ever since Alt started his diary. There’s a reason she’s making these comments and it needs addressing otherwise as a couple they are just stuck in a repeated cycle of unhelpful behaviours and feelings. The fact Alt can’t brush them aside as rubbish is a reason to address them to help him move forward. 

I'm not saying the criticism can't be justified - more that it may not be helpful to Alt to hear this said and expanded on so many times about someone he loves. He does know it's realistic and that she says it because of the effect it has. Of course it goes home and does damage, but he can see the process which has enabled him to be objective despite how he felt. It still took some time to work through the chain reaction this set off, but he did it.

I don't think I'd be able to brush it aside if a loved one said something comparable to me, I'd have to work through it and it would take a while. I'd want my friends to tell me it was rubbish, but personally I feel that's as far as friends should go unless asked. That's just my opinion though and other think differently.

Alt, I'm sorry to have accidentally set this train of conversation off again. Hope your weekend is going okay.

[Deleted User]

If you post on a public forum you have to expect a variety of views to be expressed.
At this moment the obsession about being only positive along with the fear of actually saying how things really are, in my opinion stops proper solutions bring achieved. 

poppy811

[Deleted User] said:

If you post on a public forum you have to expect a variety of views to be expressed.
At this moment the obsession about being only positive along with the fear of actually saying how things really are, in my opinion stops proper solutions bring achieved. 

Agree with that but comments need to be kind as well as truthful