First Steps to Solvency

SingleSue

alt80 said:

Thanks all re son's room sorry too whacked for a proper response but the room; it's fine. I had it fitted out with the same fixed bedroom fittings as the others, few years back now but spent proper money and still looks contemporary. She'd gone for a wonder round Hopewells and decided he needed a new bed !!!!!! massive thing why idk but apparently kids in junior school 'all' have double/ king beds these days who !!!!!! knew eh. Also needed new bedside tables, an accent chair and a few other bits. Had the 'if she was married to a footballer' conversation have to admit I lost it a bit told her she could be married to a bloke on the dole so look on the !!!!!! bright side lol. Still feel really !!!!!! guilty and ashamed I can't just give her the world tbh but I am where I am in life and some better off but a lot worse off. 

Mine had and still have, single beds (ages 23 and 25). Eldest does now have a double bed but then he has his own place and purchased it himself (from a charity shop for the bargain price of £25, still wrapped up and never been used)

Mind you, you wouldn't be able to get a double bed in youngest's room, his single bed is a struggle!

As for 12k for doing up a bedroom (or any room for that matter), nope, way out of reality. Is the bed broken? If not, no need to replace it.

alt80

Todays gem: ‘focus on what’s good even if today feels tough’. Well, it’s not raining, office running well and read a great article this morning which made me think (right reasons haha). 

Have a good Wednesday 

RelievedSheff

Have a good day.

getmore4less

Have a good day.

Just in case you have not worked it out.

Not every day hanging out with family will be great, wife and/or son might be grumpy or annoying with fantasy projects...  but that's life everyone goes through it the important thing is being there good times and not so good times.

Make 2022 the year you give family all the time you can so this time next year you can look back as a proud husband and father.

Kakiste

I've just redecorated my daughter's bedroom in the last week- she doesn't have a double bed- every kid she's ever been to the house of has single beds. Also if he had a king sized bed he would lose a significant amount of space in which he can sit and play (which is far more important to kids of that age than how big their bed is) 

getmore4less

Won't need king size till in a longer term relationship where a bit of space is needed.

Small double would be biggest for those first late teen sleepovers.

Is bigger bed just an excuse to buy a load of new bed linen.

As above space is more important than bed size.

Does son have separate play/work room?

getmore4less

Going to throw a couple of TV programs good family viewing

Green planet  some great filming had us hooked this morning.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0013cl7

Monty don Adriatic gardens hitting some Greece locations in the last of 3 episode s

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00135tx

Purplelady65

Re the ‘I could be married to a footballer’ comments from your wife were these ever addressed In your couples therapy? (I think I remember you saying that you and your wife were having therapy sessions as a couple - was it shortly after your came out of rehab?). Your wife knows these comments provoke a reaction from you and are designed to hurt you. Did you work through why she says these things and reach an agreement that she wouldn’t because it upsets you or have you worked with a therapist on the best way to respond to these comments? They are unfair comments and only result in you feeling bad about yourself. I’ve recently started watching ‘Couples Therapy’ on BBC iplayer. Fascinating stuff getting an insight into the problems in couples relationships and their entrenched behaviours. The clinical psychologist shining a light on these behaviours and helping people to understand themselves and each other better is brilliant. I’m hooked! 

alt80

Day 231 / 33 weeks today

Short one as it's late and I need to get to bed.

Had another good day, been able to switch off for a few hours this evening. 100% focus when at work but reduced amount of time there, got more things that were actually productive of my own time done tbh. Benn doing not a lot this evening / family time / tv but without thinking about other things; I've been living in the 'present' today. Have long list of things that trip me off and I am starting to realise when it's happening. I have some faith the therapy is working at least to an extent and the relapses of thought which would have led to relapses in self destructive behaviours I'm catching in time. Not always right at the very start but I know working on my mindset is making me better to be around generally. I still think about spending from time to time but I can take a step back it's not compulsive. Some point I need to get back to a sense of normality without the very restricted access to my personal money but rn I'm good with how things are. 

@getmore4less thanks mate, not all days with family amazing I know. You made me laugh re son fml someone I know through business still has his son at home 28 years old. Not that unusual these days tbh couple of my younger staff still live with parents bit !!!!!! strange if you ask me but they all seem to get on well and not bothered about leaving home idk. 

My son loves Green Planet tbf we do as a family. Son will love the gardens, he still loves anything related to Greece too.

@Purplelady65 We've had limited sessions tbh my Mrs never really engaged with any of it, my problem not hers etc. She does it with the sole intention of winding me up I know. I'm also aware she's disappointed in herself she stuck with me and didn't take a chance to find someone better. Something I have to live with but generally we're good together and have things to look forward to although I have had to come to terms I certainly can't rn and not sure I ever will be able to provide her with the lifestyle she would like to have. Don't think I ever am going to be ok with that I'd certainly like to be able to provide her with all she wants but just not possible now, ultimately I'm not good enough !!!!!! at business as she says. Gone through a lot to get just to where I am part of me actually quite proud of what I've built but always going to be sad I can't give her everything.

katsu

alt80 said:

@Purplelady65 We've had limited sessions tbh my Mrs never really engaged with any of it, my problem not hers etc. She does it with the sole intention of winding me up I know. I'm also aware she's disappointed in herself she stuck with me and didn't take a chance to find someone better. Something I have to live with but generally we're good together and have things to look forward to although I have had to come to terms I certainly can't rn and not sure I ever will be able to provide her with the lifestyle she would like to have. Don't think I ever am going to be ok with that I'd certainly like to be able to provide her with all she wants but just not possible now, ultimately I'm not good enough !!!!!! at business as she says. Gone through a lot to get just to where I am part of me actually quite proud of what I've built but always going to be sad I can't give her everything.

No one can give anyone everything @alt80. There's always more that she could have. 

I'm really impressed how far you've come and I hope in time your wife will grow more and grow away from that thinking.

You have worked out that is not good for your son for you to give him everything he could want, so maybe you can see that it wouldn't be good for your wife either?  

You are doing so well. Congrats