First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 226 

thanks all. Tbh I’ve been avoiding anything other than work I needed to do and work I really didn’t need to do to get away from the negative thinking. Did well with my family last week and not done so well this week I couldn’t leave my office for some days until stupidly late just not been at home other than to sleep long after my family are asleep. Not because I’ve been too busy but because I wanted to get away from the thoughts I was having. At least I’ve spent no money or anything else. Promised my boy a family walk this afternoon and know I can’t avoid it hanging out at work. Don’t really want to avoid it I just think they deserve more than I can give them and I want to keep my mind active and away from those thoughts.

Yesterday went to see one of the pros lot of my thoughts in recovery have centred around had I chosen a different path maybe I’d have been more successful and my family deserving better. It’s helped a bit but can only lead the horse to water ha. 

getmore4less

I am quite concerned you have reverted to hiding in the office rather than just getting on with doing the family stuff.

Have you dropped the planning again so don't have things lined up to keep you busy?

The planning was so benefit getting you through the weeks.

RelievedSheff

Stick with the family time Alt rather than hiding in your office.

Family time is much better for your mental health.

ladyholly

getmore4less said:

I am quite concerned you have reverted to hiding in the office rather than just getting on with doing the family stuff.

Have you dropped the planning again so don't have things lined up to keep you busy?

The planning was so benefit getting you through the weeks.

I agree. The planning your work free time was working well. Dont neglect your family they need you. Have you been accessing your pros and the tools they have given you? If not you need to do it sooner rather than later.

Negative thoughts are corrosive to your well being do all you can to lose them asap.

alt80

Managed to get out with my family this afternoon and had a nice evening in at home. Spent the last hour watching my Mrs sleep site that sounds odd lol I’m pleased she’s content enough to sleep well all the time. I’ve had a look at the spends for the month - slightly under where I’d anticipate in every category I like to track. We did go out for lunch I don’t feel we should cut that down but sometimes when I am there I start to have the thoughts maybe they should just go and leave me. It’s a hard journey being in recovery when you don’t like yourself and how you’ve been for many years damage caused to others. I know through pros I need to be kinder to myself to be kinder to others just very difficult to do - have had things planned and asked my wife to go with son alone all I’ve been able to think all week is I don’t deserve to have my family. I know of someone through work and I don’t know this man well at all but he is an amazing father to a young family but has not very long to live lot of weird guilt I can’t quite explain since I heard the latest about him. 

Sun_Addict

Sorry to hear you’re still struggling with your self esteem. I think your next goal should be working on that aspect of your recovery so you’re not always putting yourself down and feeling unworthy. It will take time but small steps and all that. 

warby68

Try not to regress @alt80. 

Stay on here, stay with your family. Don't use work as the escape/excuse. You might be struggling with self-worth but your family clearly think you're worth it. Follow their lead, not your own instincts. Your own instincts don't really help and might lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You need to do more and think less probably. Distractions from your own head.

Ramp the help and the tools up again.

Hope it improves again soon

ladyholly

Keep up the good work and try to get past the lack of self worth. Use every tool you have and keep being with your family. They love you as you love them and if they didnt think you are worthy of that love I think you would now be on your own. You not a bad person you are someone who has made mistakes in the past but have so much to give for the future.

Has anyone suggested you might have SAD. (Look it up) as I think you were really struggling this time lat year. You can get lamps to help and also being outside as much a possible (long dog walks with your son) so you can absorb what little light is around at this time of year. Talk to your GP about this but take comfort in that the days are beginning to lengthen which will help

MatyMoo

We can all have regrets about our past life, but that what it is - in the past. Nothing can change it. What you can do is make today better and every day going forward. Those that love and care for you won’t want you living in the past but will be happy to share a better future with you, they stay because they want to!

enthusiasticsaver

There is no point in this constant retrospective thinking.  We can all learn lessons from mistakes we have made in the past but what is done is done and at some point you  need to let it go and focus on the present and the future.  Don't let your past actions be the millstone around your neck. I imagine your difficulty with sleeping is because you find it difficult to relax.  This is a learned skill and one you  do not yet seem to have mastered.  Your posts are full of over  thinking and analysing which may be linked to your business skills or just your personality.  Keep on having some down time and really start to try and relax.  Maybe yoga?