First Steps to Solvency

efes_shareholder

please take yourself in to a little corner and have a quiet word with yourself.

There are people in this world in far worse situations than you and that isn't said to minimise how you are feeling or to guilt you , its said so you can give yourself a reality slap and maybe somehow comprehend that you are in fact extremely blessed.

You may think your wifes joy at xmas rests on the gifting of a ring but does it really ? do you not think that the two of you cannot find thanks in each other for the support you have given each other over the last few months , the family that you are spending the day with , the food on the table , the roof over your heads , the fact that you all have your health and prosperity in tact and the health of your loved ones???
Breath , take a step back and consider how full that cup is rather then the things you need to make it overflow..................To some your cup is already overflowing.
Some people are nursing loved ones to the end of their life , relying on food banks to provide their food and charity donations to give their kids any kind of xmas.

The fact there are people worse off then you means very little when you allow your head to enter a space when all it does is absorb the short comings you have trained your brain to entertain.

Stop that if you can.

Negative thoughts will never equate to a happy mind.

Give your head a shake and focus on all the things in your life that you should give thanks for , retrain that brain.

efes_shareholder

oh and ask your son and your wife what they got for xmas last year , and the year before and the year before that .....................I'll bet they struggle to remember , thats the reality 
Xmas and the expense of those lavish gifts is all forgotten long before you have finished paying for it
All that for one day ??? drop me out

mark55man

good luck mate

don't assume that it is just you that struggles at christmas with the changes to routines, family expectations and lastly, but not leastly, intense media pressure on that perfect day.  everyone does, it just looms larger for people struggling in any way, but especially with anxiety

just don't beat yourself up and make sure the basics are in place for sure, but don't expect it to go like clockwork against an unachievable plan. 

not getting !!!!!! is also key!! , especially if it helps you avoid falling asleep at the table before the pud comes in

SusieT

Ok, this is your post, but, it is now reading very differently and is how you need to start to change how you see things - obviously not all at once - and I know it must be VERY difficult to stop thinking that expensive presents (to me tat) are required. Now that you have done so well cleaning yourself up it is "only" a case of changing your mindset and in another year you will be very different again if you keep working on yourself the way you have been doing.  

I can’t bring am finding it really difficult to bring myself to forgive my actions and those actions have got me where I am today. I need to sort am sorting my financial situation out and provide well for my family but there’s no !!!!!! magic number that says made it now that’s all I need to get to the point where I do not think that life is an endless pursuit of greater resources and the knowledge that unless you are one of the privileged few your efforts are not good enough. I know I’m not good enough yet recovered enough to scale by business to much more than it is rn on one level I don’t want to, I enjoy working with a smallish team and want to stay ‘in touch’ with the core activities of the business. On another level I acknowledge I’m not good enough yet recovered enough to get to where I think we’d all like to be in life, and am not able but I am trying to give my family the lifestyle they we deserve so can’t give up which drives destructive compulsions to work and after I know it’s not really helped. I have two plans one which is modest and tbh is probably all I will be able need to achieve and one which is ambitious and would see my business and life change beyond my own recognition but I’m not good enough recovered enough to achieve and a lot of me doesn’t even want to- not easy to just say I’m thinking about giving up and but my family will suffer financially be happier as I can spend more time with them because I am not capable of shutting them off due to me scaling beyond the modest realistic plans set out and not even sure I want to.

Those who have made it and have a lot I don’t think can understand what it is like to know you are unable to give your family the lifestyle your love, time and attention they deserve. This time of year probably not helping me either as it brings back memories of the past when I was not being as caring and loving as I am now. 

You really are hard on yourself, people who know you are wanting to be with you again, and that is a real tribute to how well you are doing. 
Give it a try this year, and if you are like me and not a Christmas person, try volunteering for a charity and know afterwards that you have done something to make lives of others be it people or animals better. It does not mean you need to see how the "poor or needy" live, but it will let you spend the time helping and being extremely useful without any pressure on yourself.

strawb_shortcake

I think lots of people struggle this time of year, questioning if they are giving their family enough, but that's just media and marketing tactics to make us want to spend more. We all know deep down the most precious commodity in a family is time and love.

Look back at some of your memories and reflect that the ones that made you and your family happy and content didn't come with big price tags, why should future memories be any different? 

Did your Son end up making a memory/photo album? Maybe the end of the year is the time to sit quiet with him and look back at all that you've done this  year.

We all know you are going to come out the other side stronger and more content, you really have got this

poppy811

Well I tried to make you see whatisi pot

Purplelady65

I think all the adverts and hype just build Christmas up into a massive event with pressure coming from everywhere to spend money on food, booze, presents, clothes and activities. I rarely watch live tv as I prefer to record and then fast forward through the adverts. I was watching live tv last week and was amazed at how many adverts there were for Christmas food with everyone sitting down to large family Christmas meals all playing perfect happy families and then loads of adverts for products. Just remember it’s all created by marketing, psychology and advertising experts in retail. The language used in these adverts is also emotive - ‘give your loved ones the best Christmas ever’ etc which then unconsciously puts pressure on people to spend and then spend again as they panic they haven’t got enough food, booze, presents etc to give ‘their loved ones the best Christmas ever ‘ which is exactly what the retailers want people to do! 

poppy811

Well I tried to show you what is important in life but it seems like a waste of time,  I would give a lot to have my husband here and my health back.. please stop.  Probably won’t post again but will continue to read, I wish you well but do not feel I can offer any more

ladyholly

We were just saying that the marketing men do an excellent job in persuading people to buy stuff they don't need although we weren't talking about Christmas this time of year is even worse. The pressure to have a perfect Christmas is immense and really just causes stress stress and more stress. 
In reality it should be a day to enjoy forgetting the diet, enjoying the company of family and friends and relaxing away from work. Everything else is froth. Gifts don't matter the love in the home does. 
There you are the gospel according to ladyholly. 

poppy811

should also have said that the signs of relapse are obvious please get professional help. With their help yo can still do this, you have come a long way, keep going.