First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Generally as children get older the pile of presents gets smaller. What you have said to your son is correct. The amount of money spent on gifts has nothing to do with how much someone is loved. Your wife sounds like she is also in a different frame of mind. I hope you enjoy your day and hopefully these feelings of self worth will go after tomorrow. It is a shame that you haven’t enjoyed the build up to Christmas but this is a reflection of the hype making you believe it is all about shopping and gifts. We don’t watch adverts on tv so we don’t get sucked into that and our grand daughters are excited about presents but will be happy with whatever they get. Merry Christmas and hope you enjoy your day anyway. 

warby68

Merry Christmas @alt80. I hope it turns out better than you expect - most of your 'firsts' have so far.

You KNOW the right values, hopefully next year you'll start to FEEL them more too. Early days still.

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver hope you have a happy Christmas with your family.

My wife is looking forward to tomorrow along with son and ultimately that’s what matters, not what I think. I’ll keep myself away for the most part just keep on track and do my best to cook them a nice meal. 

Can’t say I watch tv ads either tbh or engage with other similar content to any extent these days and I wish all it took to sort my mindset was not watching tv ha. 

Willowtree222

Merry Christmas Alt. What a year for you. I know you’re not looking forward to it but I sincerely hope you have a good day x

Purplelady65

Happy Christmas Alt. I’m sure today and tomorrow will turn out fine ( I usually find anything someone is dreading goes much better than they think it will). You’re doing the right  thing distracting your brain by keeping busy. Good luck with it all and hope you get some enjoyment from the next couple of days. The main event will all be over in 48 hours! 

alt80

Well for better or worse just locked my comm office up for last time 2021. Staff that were here are going for a drink and meeting a few who are working from home. I’m obviously not going all seems a bit me and them which i never thought would happen to me but tbf does keep boundaries that were never there last time we could go to the pub Christmas Eve 2019. Wasn’t even up until Christmas lunch was served pre-pandemic fml def wasn’t any good to cook. Even finding it difficult reading about people on here enjoying celebrating with a drink or several like normal people who can without it leading to the !!!!!! other level fml I know it doesn’t matter really but I am def hyper aware of drinking rn. 

Going to have lunch with my family now and try to at least pretend things alright for them.

Thanks @warby68 / @Willowtree222 and @Purplelady65 wishing you all a happy Christmas 

getmore4less

I hope you can get into the flow and drop office and engage with family and visitors.

I think it is good you are still conscious of the direction the booze can take you.
You don't need it to have a good time,  doing prep for a dinner can be dangerous many a time I have lost skin with a peeler or knife after a pre dinner drink. 


Merry Xmas.....

SingleSue

alt80 said:

Managed to read to my boy at bedtime tonight. He's excited for Christmas already; loves Christmas Eve. Felt a massive fraud but told him it's not all about the gifts he receives and the amount or value of gifts someone sends doesn't equate to how much he is loved. My parents don't have the means to send him a lot but he always loves his gifts from Greece and tbh I don't really want him growing up thinking his worth can be quantified either. He's becoming that bit more cynical about Santa and said what I said because I want for him to grow up to be kind and have the type of intrinsic self worth that is not conditional on earnings, having not achieved that myself doesn't stop me wanting something better for my boy. 

My wife has sat with me this evening, not been in a good way but have made it through. She says she's not bothered about anything else for Christmas and promises she isn't going to go out spending tomorrow. I know I'm struggling, on that path rn but I'm not going to turn what's just a !!!!!! time for me into an excuse to use. Came up on alcohol free thread - booze doesn't make a bad day better, neither does cocaine I know that and I know it is just not worth it.

@Grumpelstiltskin when I managed to start a task related to work it gets me out of thinking in the negative pattern. Tbf if I am feeling up to doing something else with my family tomorrow afternoon I will do, there is nothing urgent that needs doing tbh I could have the whole day off if I wanted.

@warby68 thank you, I can't let my days go back to nothing and let my family down over Christmas. Might not be doing well but I'm not going to touch any type of substance even if my Mrs has to lock me in and takes the keys to her parents'. I've told her if that's what she needs to do. Hoping it won't come to that and as you say I can actively manage, get through and make sure my son enjoys his time off school.

Know what you mean by Christmas bring up all sorts you'd rather just leave alone. This year is by far the smallest amount of gifts we have bought for our son. I remember a few Christmases as a child my sister and I woke up to a game to share and a small box of chocolates each Christmas was either mountains of gifts thousands worth and this was back in the 80s/90s or practically nothing. Tbf we'd spent money in the run up to Christmas as our mum used to take us to London but being a kid on Christmas day with practically nothing to open a fair few times doesn't rank in my best childhood memories. Realised this was massively tripping me off when I spoke to pros as my own son has less from us and I'd be lying if I said the temptation wasn't there to go mad tomorrow at the final hour. Feel I've massively let him down rn.

Alt - I've not posted before but I did read through the entire thread a couple of months or so ago.

I get the guilt, I used to be part of a high income couple but that all changed on divorce (bit of a long story involving a lack of child carers for disabled children alongside a lack of available therapies so I had to give up my job and take on the role of jack of all therapies but master of none) and the guilt I felt that Christmas and for most of their childhood was immense.

The boys are now grown up, they don't feel they have missed out as they appreciated the time that was spent on them rather than the money, blimey we even made going out to window shop in PC World a day out as money was that tight but we were together, we had fun and the boys (weirdly) enjoyed it.

I do worry about your mental health though, it does appear to be dipping quite massively right now and that is not good when you are in recovery. Please take care of yourself, try not to let the demons of guilt, lack of self worth or esteem begger your recovery, your family love you and support you and want you, not trinkets.

Sun_Addict

There’ll be plenty of people not drinking, you don’t need alcohol to have a good time and you know it will trigger other stuff so we’ll done on recognising that and steering clear. This year has been all about you getting clean, you’ve achieved that so next year you can start working on the mental health. I’m sure this time next year you’ll be in a much better place mentally. Have a good Christmas Alt, you’ve turned your life around this year, time to relax for a few days now. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Merry Christmas Alt, Mrs Alt, Alt junior and the dog,
I think you may have seen this but I'm sure you could have a giggle whilst you are  preparing Christmas dinner.

What do giant veg growers eat on Christmas Day? - BBC News