First Steps to Solvency

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt will your son be watching Santa's journey?

Official NORAD Tracks Santa (noradsanta.org)

bookworm_nat123

Alt you've come so far and should be so proud. 

Your son will want you to be part of the festivites but if facing that is too much why not involve your son in making dinner instead? He's old enough he can chop a carrot or a peel a potato etc. You've spoken before about how he loves to help in the kitchen and this would make a postiive christmas memory to last a lifetime xx

alt80

Day 204 through and also got through the day without a drink either. 

Feel better now than I have in a while tbh. My son really cheered me up over lunch. Did have about an hour’s look at work this afternoon but mainly helped my wife and son with the Christmas prep. Service was nice. Got through the time with son’s friend’s parents, was alright mainly just talked about school and the boys. It was brilliant to see how happy my son was seeing his best mate Christmas Eve. They don’t do much for Christmas, not big into buying much in the way of presents etc. by the sounds of it our boy probably doing better from us even this year ha. Wife mentioned we are having a much quieter one focusing on family more than presents. She made us all laugh though typical !!!!!! class comment from the Mrs telling them we’ve just cut back lifestyle generally post covid ‘why we bought the Mercedes’. They thought she was taking the !!!!!! until she blurts out ‘it is leased through the business’ and goes into great !!!!!! detail about how we’d worked out cost to business and cost to us to / BMW worked out more expensive overall and we can get ‘free electric at the garden centre’ fml. No !!!!!! wonder they insisted on paying, I have to laugh they’ve probably walked away thinking we’re so !!!!!! hard up we need to cadge some free electric to keep on the road fml. Know I wouldn’t have been able to laugh at myself a year ago if the wife said something like that to someone least of all them but anyway it was actually quite funny. 

Had a lot of trouble getting son to sleep though he was watching Santa tracker. Think only thing that did the trick was me telling him if he sees that say Nottingham he won’t be getting any presents because Santa will know he’s awake. Old one but worked along with some soft music my Mrs put on. 

Ready as we can be now anyhow. 

@getmore4less don’t have too many before cooking lol. Hope you and yours have a good one, Happy Christmas. 

I’m definitely signed off from office tomorrow 100% day after probably be cleaning whole day lol so doubt I’ll have a chance. 

@SingleSue thank you for your post. Was quite hard to read tbh. I’m not in your position and I can’t image what that’s like other than to say it sounds like you’ve raised 3 wonderful boys and I really hope you don’t feel any guilt for the past now - you’ve no reason to, you’ve smashed it when you’ve got 3 boys all grown up who appreciated the effort you made that says you did a job well.

I actually see more from my business on a month to month basis than I did when I first started trying to get a grip on the personal debts. However I used to spend with next to no regard and worked out during the past 5/6 years it was c£30-45k a year. Had to refinance my BTL to clear a !!!!!! stupid amount of card debt and used to take an annual bonus divi at the end of my financial year when tbf there were times it would have been better not in my pocket but I was so desperate for money I couldn’t do the best thing. Horrible regrets thinking back and !!!!!! shameful when I think about it.

Can’t say I am in the best place mental health wise and lot of that I think is holding others to a different rule book to the one I hold myself accountable to. Might be hard for people on here and tbf lot of people outside of here to believe I love my family. Anyway I hope you have a Happy Christmas and those three boys don’t eat you out of house and home. 

@Sun_Addict thank you and I hope you have a good one. 100% right re drinking I was dreading them wanting to drink and me there only one who wasn’t going to with them all smug. Had convinced myself one of them was going to say something and point out why I’m avoiding alcohol its obvious I know but they didn’t. Actually was working myself up for no reason whatsoever no one even had a drink and it didn’t come up just my paranoid head. 

My Mrs said something similar she’s getting me back on the programme about all I didn’t do to jeopardise my recovery in past few days was not drink or use. Recovery is as much a mindset thing as actually just not using whatever substance you’re addicted to. Tbf there are behavioural addictions too and I have a couple of those which really !!!!!! flared up and I couldn’t stop the compulsions then regret etc etc it’s stupid I know.

Anyway, Happy Christmas. 

@Grumpelstiltskin ha I have seen that before but worth another read, thank you. He has been tracking Santa lol. 

Thank you, I hope you and yours have a good one. Happy Christmas and thank you for having suggested some days out that my son has loved. Think it was you who suggested the trip out pre-NG Tier 3 lockdown for anyone who remembers the Tiers diabolical anyway it was honestly one of the best days of my life I have a photo of my boy on that day on my desk. He had an amazing time for hardly any money whatsoever. It’s a memory that helps to keep me believing in carrying on down this road when I think !!!!!! the budget I remember that day.  

@bookworm_nat123 Thank you, and Happy Christmas. 

I will be there for my boy I was last year and will be this year although he is def not too young to help out in kitchen and will be. Though how much help he’ll actually be tomorrow probably not much ha but we will have 3 generations in the kitchen - MIL, me, son and my parents joining for some prep over FaceTime. Already warned MIL she’ll probably walk out the kitchen wishing she hadn’t signed up for time in Greece next year all we’ll hear from my dad is bs about Greek produce better over and over haha.


Now need to try to get some sleep ha. 

Four_Seasons

Merry Christmas Alt and family have a lovely time together. You have come so far be proud of yourself. Here's to a brilliant 2022.

mark55man

Happy Xmas - and hope you have a chill day

RelievedSheff

Merry Christmas to all of you. Hope you have a great day.

ladyholly

Happy Christmas to you all. Have a great day.

SingleSue

alt80 said:

@SingleSue thank you for your post. Was quite hard to read tbh. I’m not in your position and I can’t image what that’s like other than to say it sounds like you’ve raised 3 wonderful boys and I really hope you don’t feel any guilt for the past now - you’ve no reason to, you’ve smashed it when you’ve got 3 boys all grown up who appreciated the effort you made that says you did a job well.

I actually see more from my business on a month to month basis than I did when I first started trying to get a grip on the personal debts. However I used to spend with next to no regard and worked out during the past 5/6 years it was c£30-45k a year. Had to refinance my BTL to clear a !!!!!! stupid amount of card debt and used to take an annual bonus divi at the end of my financial year when tbf there were times it would have been better not in my pocket but I was so desperate for money I couldn’t do the best thing. Horrible regrets thinking back and !!!!!! shameful when I think about it.

Can’t say I am in the best place mental health wise and lot of that I think is holding others to a different rule book to the one I hold myself accountable to. Might be hard for people on here and tbf lot of people outside of here to believe I love my family. Anyway I hope you have a Happy Christmas and those three boys don’t eat you out of house and home. 

Thanks for you reply, there is still some guilt at times for the things that I couldn't give them but the boys now being men, tell me not to be so silly, they're actually glad that I taught them the value of things. However, it has to be said that the guilt I feel for not being able to spend quality time with my eldest son remains, he had to become a young carer to his brothers so young that he barely had a childhood and there just wasn't the option of just us two doing something that didn't involve the other two also and their needs.

I beat myself up regularly for my oops moments as although I make allowances and give leeway to others, I give myself none. It's taken a while to get out of the 'must be perfect at all times' thing for myself but slowly getting there so as one 'guilt' person to another, give yourself a break. Yes, you may have messed up in the past but that is then and this is now and you are doing brilliantly.

Hope you have a great day today with your family and I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

maggiem

Merry Christmas to the Alt family. Glad to read you enjoyed the Christmas service and hope you have a great day today with the people who love and support you. 

getmore4less

We are round someone else's for Xmas  taking a few bits tested yesterday before doing the purchases and will test again this morning to be as careful as we can.

What was surprising the mad xmas eve grab a bargain mania, hardly anyone about.

Snagged a 4kg Turkey for £15, there were still quite a few left, will get portioned for the freezer, our target beef joints they were not reducing so we gave up went to meet up with friends.

this caught my eye from your day

I have to laugh they’ve probably walked away thinking we’re so !!!!!! hard up we need to cadge some free electric to keep on the road fml. Know I wouldn’t have been able to laugh at myself a year ago if the wife said something like that to someone least of all them but anyway it was actually quite funny. 

made me laugh as well, very good example of how far you have(both) come, when this all started a lot was about your perception of how other see you and a lot of the spending was maintaining putting up a front to support your perception, there is still a residual of that but much more positive than destructive requiring spends.

IIRC you need to get the BIL to think along the same lines so he will stick his hand in the wallet.

It really does not matter what others think, and there is a glimmer of the wife getting there is nothing wrong with being a little frugal at times.  

Add it to your list of examples you can call on when things are not so good.

You are measured by how you behave as a person not how you behave with your wallet.



Service was nice. Got through the time with son’s friend’s parents, was alright mainly just talked about school and the boys. It was brilliant to see how happy my son was seeing his best mate Christmas Eve. 

This is great, OK you are not best mates, it's about family and how you support your son at school and with his mates, something parents do.
Build on it and try not to hide when the opportunities arise to engage.
Your turn to pay so why not take the lead and have a chat with the wife about picking what and where early next year.