First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

I think the reflection on money and gifts needs to stop. Your PIL sounds like my mum and us to a certain extent.  My mum has more money than she knows what to do with so I struggle with presents every year and she tells us all not to bother.  Her best present every year is the calendar my DD2 sends  her with personalised pictures of the great grandchildren which costs very little.  I send her a bunch of flowers which she is always happy with just to let her know I think about her but there is no point in buying her things.  The thought is what counts when giving gifts.  This is why many struggle with Christmas because of the unrealistic expectations that everything will be perfect.  

Maybe coming off the screens at a decent time would help with the sleep.  Thinking about finance that late in the day is not a good choice.  Your debt is coming down and you are still managing to live so why put more pressure on yourself? 

alt80

My in laws aren’t bothered about much they have interests that don’t cost a lot of money and are happy with their home etc. their life ultimately but rn they deserve a lot more. I think they know I am very grateful for their support still doesn’t feel right not buying them something really special for Christmas when they’ve gone out of their way for me 100%. 

If my wife hadn’t met me and she was where she wanted to get in life, she’d have a lot more. I can’t see a way to get to the point of being able to give her the full package tbh I’m just never going to have that kind of money. Did briefly look into getting her a G63 recently, get rid of my Range Rover but the cost is absolutely crazy and would be just !!!!!! myself again for it, would only be a slice of the cake for her still. Point is I do usually try to get her some things she’d like though I’ve not done well this year buying her nice things with no access to personal money. Agreed between the two of us so shouldn’t matter, probably matters more to me than to her tbh but it does trip me off I’m as she’d say !!!!!! at business so I can’t give her the lifestyle she’d like.

I don’t know what I need to do late at night tbh I know I should be sleeping but I’m not and so !!!!!! tired I’m ill all the time. When I’m practically failing to function I start thinking maybe I do need the stimulants aware it’s just complete bs and that’s the last thing I need to let back into my life. Definitely creeping back up with the coffee drinking not the end of the world I know lot !!!!!! worse stimulants than that but it is ridiculous the amount of the stuff I drink everyday it does cause problems albeit nothing awful and I know I should just stick to the decaf before anyone on here says it lol.

Anyway need to get off here and do something with my day. Fitted three days planned into one yesterday as well as some things on the shared to do absolutely whacked today and the motivation to do much at all is very !!!!!! low. 

elbree

Alt, you know your PIL and wife don't want 'stuff', most people don't. They want a healthy, happy family and your efforts this year towards that goal are what they really want for Christmas.

Maybe your wife would have met a gazillionaire footballer, but probably not. She has a great lifestyle and a little boy so stop feeling sorry for her, she's happy.

Well done on 200, an amazing achievement! Stop drinking coffee in the pm, it will make you feel agitated and anxious, no wonder you're not sleeping until late if you're drinking coffee all day. Maybe stop altogether for just a few days and see how you feel? 

theoretica

Someone a few posts up made the really good point about scheduling some time into your optimum thinking hours for looking at personal finances so they don't so often fall into the less productive late night going over and over things. And benefit from an end point when you move on to something else.  I think working out a 'spending plan' for your time would be a good idea.  Not all hours are equal, some are needed for lunch, others for winding down not looking at things that wind you up...

poppy811

Time to put practical things into your thoughts now.  Deep down you know that money and things do not buy happiness and you also know you have to compartmentalise your work and home life.  Write yourself a realistic to do list ant tick it off.  Then start to build up interests that are non work related.   If it helps take a notebook to bed with you to jot down things/ worries for your attention the next day.
No coffee in the evenings, counter productive!

just make a start, one day at a time just like you did with the drugs and alcohol.  Not meant to nag more of an only you can do this and you do sound incredibly stressed.

RelievedSheff

Well done on getting to day 200 and beyond.

alt80

Managed to get a bit of work done at least. Tbh I’m not ending the year where I’d like to be with regard to card balances. We have prebooked a few things for next year including some flights to see my parents/ holiday and weekend away just wife and I so paid for already but skews 2021 year end balances. Don’t need to be told it doesn’t matter I’m on track etc but I am going over some stupid spends earlier this year tbh had I not been a !!!!!! and basically got to a point I couldn’t stop using drugs without a lot of help I’d be in a lot better position generally personal life / business / family etc. not just last year granted but this last 12 months I have a complete set of data to work from. Can’t help but see missed opportunities and being into my 40s now, definitely have the feeling there’s probably 30 more years max before I do start slowing down. Get in-laws and wife telling me I’ll stress myself into an early grave probably have a point tbf. 

One good thing for day ordered the decaf with lunch lol. 

MatyMoo

Delurking to say a couple of things……..

if you hadn’t taken the steps you did to give up drugs your financial position would be far worse than it is now! Both you and your wife would still be spending to compensate with no regard to your future. if that wasn’t reflected in your personal debt it would be showing in the business & you would have been withdrawing more and putting that, and all your employees, at risk too.

Look at the great family life you are building, including extended family. People are happy to spend time in your company. You are in a position where you can make plans for your families future, short term & longer term, how amazing is that!

Please, please look at what you have achieved in the last 200 days rather than what you haven’t! I think your turn around is amazing!

I’m aware I am encouraging you to spend money but have a look at Silverstone’s Lap of Lights, I think your son would enjoy it!

alt80

@MatyMoo I've no plans to go back to it but I think you're probably right re my financial position besides my habit it was the other spending and the complete lack of ability to make the right judgement over things it affected me massively. Looking back now I wasn't making sound decisions for years, spending to compensate I think was definitely a big part of it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have thoughts about spending and do realise the no access to personal money is a self imposed ban - I can get hold of my cards if I wanted / needed to. I make the choice not to. What really breaks me is the realisation my addiction affected my business, I knew my personal life was a !!!!!! car crash but always in my head thought I kept it together in business though have come to realise it affected every part of my life. Wife right I'm !!!!!! at business and was a cokehead. No one more ashamed than me to know I've risked everything including other people's livelihoods and other people's homes. Keep trying to deal with the self worth aspects of recovery but fml how I can have anything other than hatred and disgust for the way I've chosen to live my life idk but not a good mindset for recovery. Fwiw I am personally grateful and glad I managed to catch myself before what could have been a lot worse financially, personally and for my family, just wish I never had to catch myself in the first place and can't help but think anything I do now just a bit too little, a bit too late. 

Just had a look at the lap of lights, he'd love that thank you and there's timeslots when we have nothing planned between Christmas and New Year. Would be magical to go in the MG if the weather is up to it actually. Was watching my wife and son play together earlier after lunch and had to call the pros up. Idk just been a !!!!!! horrible day today probably do need to get out of my office now and hope for a bit more positive outlook tomorrow. 

theoretica

alt80 said:

No one more ashamed than me to know I've risked everything including other people's livelihoods and other people's homes.

That's not what I see in you - what I see is someone who despite the huge burden of substance use making it hard for yourself managed to develop and maintain a business and remain a good landlord.  A success in the face of adversity.  I suspect you will point out that you think would have done much better without the challenges you faced - but you did keep the business afloat even if you did an awful lot of running in circles to achieve that.