First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

When you said bad day I thought you were going to say the addiction urges were strong. If you flip it though, your bad day is because you regret wasting all the money that you have (a lot of that is on addiction) I think that’s actually a positive. You can’t charge it, but it shows your strength of mindset not to go back down that route. 200 days ago, you wouldn’t have been in this place. 

Hope today is a better day x

getmore4less

If you want some car nostalgia the 2002 relaunch of Top Gear is on iPlayer.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00whzyg/episodes/player

alt80

Thanks all. Not been a great day today either just so !!!!!! whacked. Sunday roast out with the in-laws that’s was really nice, decent pub, home cooked food. For the first time in a long time I could’ve fancied a glass of wine but wanted to keep my word of sticking with an AF December so have done. Idea passed quickly tbf and I still enjoyed my lunch. Rest of day been too tired to really do anything not sure if just poor sleep catching up or something to do with covid booster anyway going to try for an early night tonight. 

@Mickeymacca thanks mate though finding me inspirational fml probably need your head looking at by the pros lol. Really, thank you, it’s been a long road both this year and last just getting started now but here’s hoping 2022 a bit quieter generally.

@RelievedSheff I know mate, can be difficult sometimes but so long as we middle through ok that’s the main thing. 

@ladyholly ha that’s the way I’d like to look at it lol.

My family deserve to not be worrying about me doing self destructive stuff, I’ve put them through enough. 

alt80

@Willowtree222 it happens from time to time, being tempted still but generally I don’t want to go back down the road of the self destructive stuff. When it does cause me any bother beyond a fleeting thought I have to employ the techniques and am getting better at that not saying it’s easy to do or I’m perfect with it, I’m not by any means and it still trips me off from time to time, just not been resulting in giving up fortunately. Def wasn’t there 200 days ago fml don’t want to think about where my head was then at all. 

@getmore4less thanks mate think I might just get in bed and watch a couple of episodes def be nostalgic that lol hadn’t even considered such thing as an electric car I don’t think back then. Fml 2002 I would have been 22/23 driving an E36 M3, hadn’t even started in business, just sold my first home, parents still in uk haha !!!!!! world away from now. Just sat here for a moment 22 year old me would think to 41 year old me fml I’d have been pleased with the house, I’d have been !!!!!! buzzed about that tbf lol, glad I took the plunge to get into business asap did what others said I wouldn’t. Be !!!!!! pleased with income, wonder why the !!!!!! I want to sort the debts out can hear myself now can pay the commitments what’s the problem. I’d be disgusted with how far I sunk with my addiction or even it became that and some of the risks I took when I wasn’t really 100% with it, probably even more disgusted I’m running a !!!!!! eco mentalist car though lol. Seems an absolute lifetime away thinking back to me being that age, what I’d give to be able to go back with the hindsight.

Willowtree222

It’s so hard as we’re conditioned to look at the negatives. 

There’s so many positives though. You’re a different person altogether than the person who created this diary. 

Addiction isn’t easy, dealing with it is even harder and here you are doing it. You’ve told your family even though you knew they’d be angry and upset showing you’re willing to face up to it and deal with it head on. 

Hope you have a better week sleep wise too. 

ladyholly

Hope you get an early night and a good sleep.

Angry_Bear

I've recently binge-read your diary and had to rake out my old login to comment and say how wonderfully well you're doing!

I must admit I read the first half of the diary with a sinking feeling, but the last months have been fantastic, you come across as a totally different person. You will always have some bad days (everybody does), but don't ever forget how far you've come already.

I agree with the comment earlier that it seems your wife gets a lot of satisfaction (maybe not quite the right word?) from helping others but I totally understand what you mean about care homes maybe being hard to deal with. Maybe children's care homes would be a possibility? I'm sure teenage girls would love the pampering, and especially round Christmas time having someone do something nice and "normal" for them would be a boost. Just a thought

alt80

Day 200! I can hardly believe I’ve made it but I have. Few times I have almost given up and tbh today I’ve had a ‘bad’ day on the work front. I basically stopped 8pm after starting too early this morning and not eating any lunch. Bit annoyed with myself tbh. Did manage to get my sleep last night but I know today has been driven by the !!!!!! stupid panic of being away from work at the end of the week and promising my son I will spend Christmas Eve lunch with him and not even look at any work until the 29th. Obviously been a no spend day have locked myself in my office for the day and my Mrs stuck by her word so far, not too many days to go. Idk why but I think she is going to make it. 

@Willowtree222 thank you. It’s not been easy to deal with at all but the alternative was worse, learning a lot, still making some mistakes tbh just getting started. 

@ladyholly thank you I did and hoping for similar tonight. Work on winding down a bit for rest of evening. 

@Angry_Bear thank you though fml reading through my pages of drivel tbh I dread to !!!!!! think some of the things I’ve written on here, absolute embarrassment to myself tbf I’m sure. 

Means a lot to hear what you’ve said tbh I’m trying really !!!!!! hard to be better. I wasn’t in a good place and tbh came pretty close to losing my family. Only just in a position I can deal with the fact my Mrs almost did leave home got to the point she viewed a rental near her parents for her and our son as she did spend a bit of time staying with them. I still don’t quite know why she gave me another chance but she did and I’m really thankful.

You’re right about my wife, she does like to help others. She’s a better person than me 100% gets frustrated with me and likes a lifestyle but she is a good person and deserves a lot more than I’ve ever been able to give her or ever will. Beside the point anyway I had to smile re her giving teen girls makeovers, she’d love that but again I don’t know if she’d cope with the things they’d likely been through in their lives to be in care. 

Sun_Addict

Well done on making it to day 200 - fantastic 🥳👏

warby68

200 days is absolutely fantastic

Keep counting