First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

I have fallen back into my old routine pre holiday.

Get tired around 9pm go to bed then wake up at silly o'clock with stuff going on in my head( big list of things that need doing but don't get done)

Get up and do TV till around 6 am then go back to bed, often grab a nap during the day.

My solution should be do the jobs, but is going to be a few episodes of BBC click got over 50 backlog



Good you are coming to terms with the finance plan that has been working well.

Was quite surprised that while I was away you had put the last big game changer on the table for further consideration.

Big learning curve as you take on a broader view of all your finances.

There is a lot to take on beyond your core of gearing property which is quite deep rooted.

poppy811

You may already know this but if not have a look at NHS sleep hygiene.  Helped me a lot.

RelievedSheff

I know it may sound a bit child like but having a set bedtime routine really helps with getting to sleep and getting a quality sleep.

alt80

Day 197

Really haven’t been too good today, just a lack of sleep generally nothing else but it does affect me. Both the Mrs and I have had our covid booster jabs. Was out for Christmas lunch, stuck by my word of not drinking and pleased. I’m slowly tidying my financial year review tbh there’s not too much I looking at and feeling bad about in that regard. Had to speak to the pros today as I woke up with the dark not good enough/ one of life’s failures type thoughts. Have managed to knock it on the head and have a productive day. Was working until 20 minutes ago and am going to be working for a few hours this weekend. Next week is quieter and I’ve told my boy I’m going to be home for lunch Christmas Eve so need to stick with that. Like to think I’m a grafter and trying to apply that mindset to my family life too. 

Listened to an amazing recovery video about guilt/ shame due to things done in the past. Doesn’t make it easier but it’s oddly reassuring to know I’ve experienced similar things to others with addiction. I don’t think I’d be here had I majorly !!!!!! up in business tbh still don’t think I could live with that but generally with past business decisions/ family life and the way I have been with money I do need to draw a line and begin to move on. Things are a lot better so I shouldn’t dwell.

@getmore4less I find if I go to bed 9/10pm for a few nights I’m up at 5.30am. Actually tend to feel better for it tbf but can’t sustain the early nights so it turns into the current absolute !!!!!! car crash. The big list of things is late at night for me, I just can’t get to sleep. 

Finances plan working really well mate I think it was one of your jokes saying to me I need to have no access to personal money but it’s worked 100%. Tbf I can get access to it if I really need to but not easily. No relapses on the spending and possibly has saved me a few times from not using during first few months tbt. My Mrs wants me to start having greater access to my own money, she finds it a bit weird paying for everything when we go out haha. Idk partly I think I should have just my main spends card but tbh it’s working well this way and it just takes away the ability to let things get ridiculous again.

Re game changer I assume you’re talking about my Range Rover? Tbt I’m a bit ambivalent about it. I still like it a lot, it’s a great car but I’ve driven them for many years as I did BMWs which I’ve just moved on from, can still say they are nice cars but for me they have associations I don’t really want to be reminded of so much anymore. Don’t get me wrong I still want to drive and own a nice car and before you/ @RelievedSheff say it, I still want it to have the right badge on the bonnet. I don’t need a lecture about being a ‘badge guy’ I realise that tbf. Anyhow I haven’t made my mind up and probably won’t be doing quickly. What I can say is the Mercedes has really been a breath of fresh air and really glad I’ve had it. 

You’re definitely right re big learning curve and gearing property all I know really. Not just personal finances, really looking at the next steps in business too. At the moment more figuring out where I want to be than anything. Not sure whether I’m a bit ashamed to admit this or not but tbt there’s a limit for me in terms of where I want to go business wise; I don’t want to scale to the levels I lose contact with what’s happening in the day to day. However getting to a point the day to day runs itself is also important to me, thinking about longevity. It’s a long game really and thinking ahead, not just acting out of impulse or want to own the world thinking as my dad calls it. I look at it now I have the benefit of having sought professional help and I was acting from a place of being addicted always had been.

@poppy811 / @RelievedSheff thank you both. Trying to make an 00.00 bedtime this evening and for the next few, gradually scale back to a bit earlier. Probably do need to revisit the sleep hygiene/ routines etc. Only thing I’ve managed to keep to is drinking the sleepy tea that tbh just tastes nice I don’t think it actually has much of an effect ha. 

enthusiasticsaver

I think you need to make a list of things you are proud of doing this year.  

Reducing the personal debt on cards/loans (this is a money saving site after all)
Ran your business successfully and appreciated your staff
Sticking to the budget.
Kicking the harmful substances
Spending more meaningful time with your family and building a better relationship with your wife and son, PIL, parents and sister
Realising what is important to you and what is not. 

I am sure there are loads more but time to look on 2022 to build up your self confidence and get away from these dark thoughts and shameful regrets.  Life is too short. 

getmore4less

^^^^
Agree you have come a long way after shaky start loads to be proud of.

On the sleep if you can do say 10pm to 5:30 that's plenty to keep going can do the weekend catchup's for the other hour or two. 

One thought 
Knock a couple of jobs off in the morning with that first hour or even set aside some time every day for the things that bother you in the evening.

eg. 15mins reflect the personal stuff do that every day so there is no need to have it bothering you at night, also no end of month rush to get it up to date, when it stops bothering at night you can skip some of day time allocations
4 things to do in that first hour that can take around 15min each

One thing I would do, so you have the information to make a very informed choice, is the forecast without the RR, the current plans are all based on that being affordable without squeezing the life out of the budget and looking good.

Once paid off the ongoing costs of the RR drop so what benefit do you get from cashing it in, there is a value proposition there to be considered, no point if you can't find something better for the money 



 

alt80

Day 198

Today’s been a bad one. Spent the afternoon in town with my family. Really busy, bought nothing, just had a walk around and hot choc from Christmas market. Can make better myself, son even said so haha. Felt awful all day tbh, not ill just a lot of negative thoughts to fight and didn’t help seeing both my mate and his new girlfriend although he didn’t see me and one of my staff (one who drinks too much). Tbh I’m thankful I’m staying away from all of that, did trigger the negative thoughts about how much time and money I’ve wasted over the years and how much time with my family I’ve missed to self destructive stuff. Rest of day just spent at home but I’ve not been in a good way.

@enthusiasticsaver thank you - I’m not quite where I’d like to be with my personal debt reduction. Tbh it’s getting me down a little bit even though I know it doesn’t really matter, a few months here and there not a big deal. I know that. Talk it through and I know I’ve got no reason to feel like I do about it rn. 

I do hear you re life too short to keep going over past regrets and to try to build my self worth. It’s still something I’m struggling with and not particularly good for my recovery, my dad says life is too short for this also. Rn I can’t get beyond my only worth being what I can earn, never have managed to know what a !!!!!! hypocrite I am when I’ve said to others a person isn’t defined by your income/ work etc. Said it to my grad, told him it’s important he builds interests outside of work alongside putting the effort in to achieve his goals at work. Fml; hindsight and hypocrisy at it’s !!!!!! finest there I know.

@getmore4less thanks mate.

Do struggle with the mindset of getting to the point of being proud to achieve at 41 some really !!!!!! basic stuff people work out early 20s; know I’m not the !!!!!! brightest button in the box but fml 20 !!!!!! years behind that’s a bitter pill to swallow ha. Smile to myself writing that whilst once again failing to go to bed. Tbf I get to bed 00.00 tonight again I’ll be happy, current strategy to trick myself into earlier bedtime by bringing it forward 30 mins every 2 days. If I get to the point of 10pm-5.30am consistently will be a lot more sleep than I’ve had for as long as I can remember. 

Like the idea of bringing some of those jobs forward to the morning just 1 hour worth a day split into 15 minutes. I try to not look at anything involving personal finances or anything else personal until nighttime and tbh I think it does keep me up. 

You’re 100% right re RR post payoff. It will cost very little beyond fuel and maintenance to keep on the road when it is paid for. I suppose I’m paranoid about it will not run forever and it will get to the point it’s worthless and owes me c£130k including the interest. Know it never was a head choice lol, tbf I still love the car and it still feels special. Big !!!!!! goal ticked off being able to buy it, the big one was the one I wanted when I bought my Sport but I couldn’t stretch to it at the time. There is a little voice re image of running an ageing Range Rover in the back of my mind especially now the new one has come out I know that’s stupid don’t need someone else to tell me. Less stupid is knowing petrol stations are going to start closing soon. More and more people going full electric now, lot of people I know have taken the leap recently. 

Sumof999

hey @alt80 I'm sorry you've had a bad day today.  I've read most of your diary but not commented but you really should be proud of how far you've come.  I find your diary really inspirational and motivational, probably because you are so real and honest.  Keep going you can do it x

RelievedSheff

We all have good days and bad days.

The trick is not to dwell on the bad ones.

ladyholly

With regard to your comments to your grad. Thats not hypocrisy its passing on wisdom  learned from experience.

You may feel you have had a bad  day but it is a positive that you have continued to spend time with your family, you have not done the destructive things and have acknowledged you are pleased to be away from them. I call that a win.