First Steps to Solvency

Willowtree222

All good here, yes looking forward to it. Don’t worry about reading, nothing exciting!

The plans sound great for next year. Those weekends are the ones that give you the memories. 

Also sounds like your wife has turned the corner too. She’s realised there is more to IG, she’ll likely have relapses but on the whole she’s obviously seeing the real side. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff / @enthusiasticsaver / @Willowtree222 thanks. I’ve always seen myself as not being really into it but I did follow a fair few watch accounts and the like haven’t been on it in a long time and whilst I would like to buy 2 or maybe 3 more watches it’s because I have wanted these particular ones for a long time and not until I’m free of this debt. I did enable/ encourage what my wife was doing on there when I think about it whilst it annoyed me there were times I enjoyed people knowing it must have been me providing the money to fund the lifestyle in my !!!!!! up head it made me feel a bit better. Just hate myself for it now but it is what it is. Wife is thinking about selling a few things I bought for her that she still likes but have some quite dark memories attached both for her and for me. Having on off thoughts I’ve spoiled Christmas forevermore for my family not due to this year but years previous impacting this year not even talking financially just the association extravagant gifts have for us. It’s !!!!!! awful tbh I know she deserves a massive diamond for putting up with me but I can’t go there my head won’t let me do what I’ve always done not because she doesn’t deserve it but because what has gone before.

Willowtree222

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff / @enthusiasticsaver / @Willowtree222 thanks. I’ve always seen myself as not being really into it but I did follow a fair few watch accounts and the like haven’t been on it in a long time and whilst I would like to buy 2 or maybe 3 more watches it’s because I have wanted these particular ones for a long time and not until I’m free of this debt. I did enable/ encourage what my wife was doing on there when I think about it whilst it annoyed me there were times I enjoyed people knowing it must have been me providing the money to fund the lifestyle in my !!!!!! up head it made me feel a bit better. Just hate myself for it now but it is what it is. Wife is thinking about selling a few things I bought for her that she still likes but have some quite dark memories attached both for her and for me. Having on off thoughts I’ve spoiled Christmas forevermore for my family not due to this year but years previous impacting this year not even talking financially just the association extravagant gifts have for us. It’s !!!!!! awful tbh I know she deserves a massive diamond for putting up with me but I can’t go there my head won’t let me do what I’ve always done not because she doesn’t deserve it but because what has gone before.

I think what you’re saying is the extravagant gifts came as a result of destructive behaviour and so as nice as they are physically, the emotionally memories of them aren’t that great? 

I think small well thought out meaningful gifts would be more gratefully received. Small as in price not necessarily anything else. Could you buy one of these weekends away as a gift? That way it’s a gift and the memories?

I’ve had some awful Christmases and some wonderful ones too. Don’t let your past define your future. 

enthusiasticsaver

I would sell anything with bad memories but then again I am quite minimalist. You can only wear one watch at a time so I have a really nice Omega one, a spare cheapie watch and my Fitbit which is the one I tend to use more often than not. If you did personal money each month  like some of us have suggested you could save yours for a nice watch at some point. Similar with your wife and her ring I guess she is still going on about or did you relent and buy her one? 

alt80

@Willowtree222 100% a lot of things I’ve bought have quite negative memories. Wife and I have planned weekends not necessarily confirmed / booked yet but they are confirmed so I don’t think much of a gift tbh. 

Agree re Christmas though going to carry on doing what we’re doing this year. Tree arriving soon and rest of decs up. Some more plans during advent too. 

@enthusiasticsaver you’re like my Mrs with the Fitbit - 9/10 she wears her Apple Watch. I still don’t want a smart watch just not something I see as necessary in my life and I’m not desperate to buy the other 2/3 watches on my list. Tbh if I never bought another watch again it wouldn’t be the end of my world. Actually she isn’t pestering me about the ring either and no I haven’t bought her one. I am considering something as a surprise next year when we renew our vows but no £25k diamond - that would just be stupid when I’m getting to the point of being financially straight and I’m not willing to off investment property to buy this thing for her. However I don’t really want to buy something disappointing either so idk conflicted whether I bother or not. 

Kakiste

I agree that meaningful is far more important than expensive when it comes to gifts. The presents I have loved the most in my life are the ones with the most meaning behind, not because they cost the most. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt Pencil in a weekend in North Norfolk for next year.

As well as the seals at Blakeney you can see the rescued ones here.

Visit SEA LIFE Hunstanton Sanctuary and Aquarium

ladyholly

Congratulations to you and your wife for seeing ig for what it is. Social media is a wonderful and an awful thing. The trick is to automatically disbelieve much of what people post unless you can verify it. On the other hand it has been amazing for keeping in touch with friends and family, research etc.
From what you say the periods of dark thoughts are decreasing and seem to be triggered by events - Christmas, holiday and so on. This brings on the guilt etc but try to be aware before it happens and use your pros to develop strategies to prepare before the thoughts hit. 

alt80

Day 188

I know I shouldn't be up at this time, can't sleep with the Covid announcements kicking off again just don't know when this is going to end. Tbh it's nothing we can't manage I know been through more than this. Spoken to my sister tonight on the phone she's right that life won't ever be the same as it was pre-Covid, the way the country is governed has changed forever. Our children won't really know what life was pre-Covid and as much as I'm grateful for the positive impact this time to reflect/ shock of lockdown gave time to think etc has had for me I still really struggle mentally with the level of authoritarianism we live with these days.

@Kakiste thank you. Your post has made me think about what the most important/ best gifts I have received. None are physical items as no one has ever given me anything that materially I couldn't have bought myself tbh. 

@Grumpelstiltskin my son loves sea life was !!!!!! obsessed with the one in Birmingham when he was little, wife used to take him all the time have said on here before how much he used to love aquariums. He still does tbf so thank you again. 

@ladyholly thank you I am working with the pros still be a !!!!!! lifetime for me ha. Events and the anticipation leading up to them especially events I either struggled with or were times I used as excuses are definitely more difficult and triggering for my addiction tbh.

alt80

Day 189 / 27 weeks today.

Been a no spends day, wife keeping her word so far about gifts for Christmas. 

Finally got to sleep about an hour after writing yesterday's post. Not been doing great with sleep this week and aware how it impacts me - had a lot of trouble with cravings for the self destructive stuff today tbh. I know why and I know it's just not worth it in the long run. Trying to not let the news / Boris etc get to me too much, think that's the key ha. Spoke to my sister again today my BIL was fed up listening to her haha she's absolutely furious, anger runs in the family fml. My staff and in-laws are fed up of it all too, not come across anyone who just seems ok with it this time.