First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

poppy811 said:

I think you are wrong that most people see you as a horrid person.  I admire your bravery honesty and your determination and just want to say a massive well done

I agree. I think most people on here admire your tenacity in getting clean. It isnt an easy journey and you are succeeding brilliantly. If you want the proof read through your diary from the start. You have a wife who loves and supports you, a son who obviously loves spending time with you, a good business with good employees. A horrid person could not have alll that if they were a horrid person.  You are now looking at a much better year next year. You will have ups and downs, good days and bad - we all do but you have a solid foundation to build on.

alt80

Day 192

just been a !!!!!! awful day my wife came home an absolute mess, spent 30 mins with her, gave her a chamomile tea and a glass of water, put her to bed thinking she’d be fine once she’d sobered up. Nope, today she’s been in absolute bits all day hasn’t said it but it’s all my fault for me deciding I needed a lifestyle change I know because without my wanting to reign the spending in she wouldn’t have drastically cut down her spending and stopped having her lips done etc. Haven’t felt this !!!!!! guilty in a long time, I know these two girls use my wife like a chequebook and tbh take the !!!!!!. Wife stood up for herself for once told them it’s their round and wished she hadn’t. Tbh I could !!!!!! kill one of them for how she’s upset my wife. They can’t !!!!!! appreciate nice things that are subtle rather than over the !!!!!! top, real !!!!!! schoolgirl stuff but it’s 100% !!!!!! angered me and doesn’t matter how many times I tell her she’s beautiful as she is and looked amazing which she did all she can hear in her head are these two little !!!!!! making snide comments about her appearance and what she was wearing. Idk ultimately I know I am doing the right thing with the economising and not over spending. The !!!!!! irony is my Mrs was wearing some very nice pieces; they only kicked off after she told them it was their round and mentioned we are being more mindful about how we spend our money. Anyway rant over and here hoping tomorrow is a better one all round.

alt80

@poppy811 / @ladyholly thanks both I’m still having a lot of trouble with the self worth element of recovery and therapy tbh trying to work on it as I know it is key to long term recovery not seeing myself in a really awful way. Been made doubly !!!!!! hard today and whilst I know what I can provide shouldn’t be the only thing that defines me I do feel I’m just not really doing well enough but also no level ‘enough’ and it’s !!!!!! awful I know that too well. Vicious cycle I just need to make sure I pull myself away from before it consumes me again.

warby68

Your wife needs to reconsider who her friends are. A couple of mean girls battering her (shaky) confidence while taking what they can from her are not friends. She will probably be better off without them but will have to come to that conclusion herself. They were nasty because she wasn't playing her designated role of banker and plaything.

She's only a recent convert to your new life - it won't take much to make her have doubts and go into reverse a bit. Remember your early days?

I feel so sorry for her being in thrall to not very nice people out of insecurity. She has a lovely life now and some good qualities in herself to build on. It should be her time to shine not be beset with the doubts of a much younger woman. We all hear criticism very loudly but by your mid 30's you usually know whose opinion counts and whose doesn't. Your wife doesn't seem to have that insight and you say she mixes younger. Better friends for her as well as you is something to build on but obviously not with a battering ram in the next few days. 

Just love her but don't change the plans.

alt80

@warby68 they aren’t real friends to her I know that and I’ve no intentions of changing my position on things tbh I recognise it could be a massive trigger first thing I did when I got a few mins to myself was go through my rather extensive list of the negatives of spending and using. I will not go down that road. What’s made me so !!!!!! angry one of them she is doing a load of sets of nails for as this girl has not that long had a baby. She wasn’t the worst one out of the two granted but my wife hasn’t took a penny for the work she’s done, all gone to this girl for her and the baby.  

Purplelady65

I’m sorry to hear your wife’s night out didn’t go to plan. You say you feel bad as you’ve cut back on spending but you’ve nothing to feel bad about. Is your wife upset because she’s realised these two girls are not friends at all but are just on the take for whatever they can get from her? That’s a big kick in the teeth if she’s been doing this girl’s nail clients and passing the money onto her. If that’s how this girl treats her your wife should stop doing the nails or keep the money for herself as she has rightly earned it. She obviously doesn’t appreciate the help your wife has been providing and doesn’t deserve it. Maybe your wife could make an effort to expand her social circle in the new year and make some nice friends rather than these leeches. I know you’ve mentioned your wife joining the tennis club and possibly helping out at football coaching previously. Could those be avenues to meet some new people? 

RelievedSheff

Sorry your wife didn't have the night she had planned. I agree that perhaps part of the upset is that she is finally realising that these girls are not friends. They are just using her. 

I also agree that perhaps she should start to look for new friends outside of the circles that she currently has. A fresh break and a fresh start. Perhaps something that you could both look at together?

You shouldn't feel bad about this either. You are taking steps now to ensure your family has a happy and secure future. That is something to be proud of. 

ladyholly

I am so sorry that your wife had a miserable time out with her "friends". It is always hard when so called friends turn on you but I am sure that when she calms down and really thinks about what happened she will realise that it is not the end of the world. People come and go in our lives for all sorts of reasons and as you have had to stay away from your long standing mate so she needs to do the same to the leeches (sorry but thats what they are).

I agree with Relieved Sheff you both need to find new friends either together or seperately. On a side note dog walking or training classes  is a great way to meet people and people from different backgrounds. Just a suggestion that has an added bonus of socialing your mutt.

ladyholly

Should have said well done to her for not letting her mates take the p*** when it came to paying for their rounds. I bet they werent expecting that.

warby68

I forgot that too. She is doing well.

Hopefully when she calms down she will see its their behaviour that's the problem, not her looks or your spending power.

Horrible people, quite cross on her behalf, especially as she's covering one of their jobs and letting them have the money.