First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 150
Been busy with helping the mother-in-law cook a roast for far too many people (in-laws) all round my house for Halloween and son’s birthday which is Tuesday. Kids dressed up and my Mrs did haha fml now complaining her face feels awful after two days in full Halloween makeup. Kept me busy and out of trouble. After they’d gone we had a drive around and grabbed a coffee.

Back to work properly tomorrow and got a couple of potentials to look at probably won’t accept my offer tbf so not hoping too much but looking forward to that. Back in the game lol. Plan is breakfast, take my boy to school, gym, work and home for dinner 5pm, spend a bit of time with family. Wife doing nails all day tomorrow but not seeing any money from it. Also given in and have Netflix now so Mrs going to look for a film to watch as winter seems to have well and truly arrived.

Meant to deal with personal finances today but it’ll have to be tomorrow now I’m whacked ready for bed. Trying the night time tea my Mrs bought for the second time. First time was last night and idk about it helping with sleep more like sends your !!!!!! kidneys into overdrive and get you up too many times throughout the night fml. Did get to sleep in the first place tbf but so much for resetting the !!!!!! sleep schedule. 

@getmore4less thanks mate. Summer can indeed get stupidly hot, people tend to stay indoors / out of the heat in the day time when its like that. Winter can be fairly cold but not many days below about 10degrees according to mum and dad. We were thinking end of May and/or October. Thank you anyway something you said about not realising how much you miss your parents until they are no longer here idk it’s stuck with me the time with them is precious. My dad seemed a lot older than when I last saw him. He’s fine but he’s definitely getting older. While we were away my mate’s mum was taken ill, found out through staff but I suppose it hit I’m beginning to get to that age now sadly. 

My sleep has been affected possibly by coming back home and I think also guilt over not being able to get my wife what she wants. It breaks me when I’m not doing well enough for her but I can’t carry on as I was.

Half a year soon, yeah it’s a good feeling that is 100%. 

@Sun_Addict / @RelievedSheff thanks both. 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. Hope your husband is recovering well? I am looking forward to the trip to see the garden still can’t wait tbh. 

Yeah holiday was a bit false re spends due to parents treating us and iswyacf re me having access to personal money again. I have access to business money for expensed things in the week but personal money seems a big step. I am concerned about losing control but equally I need to get to the next step recovery wise. 

@ladyholly thank you.

I have. Also considered just using one card and setting a spending limit on it - I know I can do it on my current account debit card, can also set types of transactions eg can set not to work on gambling websites etc. and cash machine limit which tbh is just set at £1k. I won’t change that, don’t tend to use cash if I can help it. All quite clever though. I can’t see the option to do this on my credit card accounts, unfortunately, as I don’t spend on my current account debit card, never have just seems a !!!!!! nightmare to do that imo. Could just not be looking in the right place to set the same settings on a credit card but even my Barclaycard that’s attached to my banking app doesn’t have the option to do the above or not that I can see. 

Re ring wife had it her head she was getting a second engagement ring. 

@getmore4less fml my wife would love to be his daughter lol and wouldn’t keep crashing cars fml. Though how he’s got a G-Wagen to over £200k idk. 

@maggiem / @Willowtree222 thank you.

woahsoah

Perhaps you and your wife should read: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27371208

How is it in cloud cuckoo land!

alt80

Day 151 and happy Monday. Decent nights sleep for once. Never really dreaded Monday morning but plenty of times in the past I’ve struggled with getting through the day promising myself I’ll not touch anything destructive only to do so in hours. So !!!!!! pleased those days are behind me. Sounds mad but I’m starting to enjoy thinking about what I’m spending rather than the binge buying.

@woahsoah ha yeah just read that, doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. My Mrs would have told me to !!!!!! right off had I presented her with a £1400 ring first time around. I did wind her up tbh told her if it’s 3 months salary I’m sure I can accommodate the actual £800 ‘salary’ component of my income. She wasn’t happy about that equally I shouldn’t have kept myself up at night agonising over adding a significant amount of debt to buy her something more substantial ultimately if she doesn’t want me in leaner times then I suppose it undermines everything.

Grumpelstiltskin

Explain to your  wife you are not getting engaged again but are renewing your vows and because of that you want her to have a ring that is is different but something special.

Eternity ring has been suggested also one featuring 3 stones, one for each of your birthstones,
Easy to work that one out just look online to see what the birthstones are.

The combination of stones may not look right, if so forget that and go with the eternity ring.
If you do decide to go with the birthstones you can get one designed and made for less than £25.000.

You can then explain to her that her ring is unique and special to the family.

RelievedSheff

Day 151. You are doing great.

You just need to get your wife thinking along the same lines as you with the renewing your vows now. I'm sure she will come round and see it for the nice gesture that it is supposed to be.

ladyholly

My engagement ring cost approx the same as one week of my Dhs salary but the fact the jewellers were friends with may in laws helped. I think it was approx 2weeks of DHs  salary at full price and was sized for free as it was too small. We also got tea and biscuits in their siitting room while we waited for it to be enlarged.

enthusiasticsaver

3 months salary on an engagement ring is a myth.  How can she wear two anyway?  Surely the whole point of a new start is to take money and material goods out of the equation and value each other for what you both bring to the relationship.  Nothing to do with money, rings or other consumer goods. If she is reverting to measuring what she means to you based on how much you spend on gifts for her it is a waste of time renewing your vows as that is no different to presumably your actual wedding when life for you both was all about  spending. Staying up all night worrying you are not contemplating going £25k into debt to buy her a pointless ring is not on.  If this is pushing you back into a stressful situation you are better off parking it for a few years until she has grown up a bit and you are stronger. 

theoretica

An eternity or family ring at the renewal of vows seems a not unreasonable thing to value.  A second engagement ring, an overpriced ring (by which I mean will not have held much of its value in a year or two - many won't) or 3 months salary does not seem at all reasonable.  The 3 months thing used to be only one - and was made up by the jewellery business for their own obvious self interest anyway!

mark55man

good luck - I think you meant Pandora's the jeweller not Pandora's box !!

But stick with it.  Eternity rings are good, although I'm not sure about the birthstone bit.  Diamonds and gold, but more smaller ones will keep the price down over fewer larger ones

Purplelady65

Hopefully your wife will come round to seeing what you are trying to achieve with the renewal of your vows - marking a significant change in your lives for the better with just close family present  and an opportunity to show appreciation to your in-laws. If your wife wants to go overboard with a ring, clothes, food etc then sadly she’s missing the sentiment behind it all. Re a £25k ring I’m not sure I’d be able to leave the house wearing one - I’d be constantly worried about losing it.