First Steps to Solvency

mark55man

I agree with ES - do it, but keep it small - if you have to have a wider family thing then go out for 2 weeks 1 week for you and you renewal, the next week for wider family.  I think you will come back to UK fresh as a daisy - which is more than I can say for most of us who have been UK bound

alt80

Day 146, has been a nice one overall apart from my head being in a bad place now. Not even had a bad time this evening with sister lol.

Thanks all, my wife wants to do the vow renewal but has gone to bed disappointed I’m not planning to take her to Hatton Garden this Saturday and why I’m awake thinking about it. Said I would avoid looking at the numbers but been up on the iPad working out if I can buy her a nice ring and stick with a reasonable timeframe on the repayment plans. Know people on here will say don’t. Idk definitely have some guilt this evening but without being stupid with money again I can’t realistically get her a second engagement ring. Wasn’t even something I’d thought of or knew even was a thing getting a second engagement ring fml but she seems to think it is. Been looking at them on her phone !!!!!! expensive things x3 months income bs that really would be !!!!!! ridiculous but she’s now in ‘getting married again’ mode. First IG post in !!!!!! ages today telling all her mates/ family and other people we know she’s ‘getting married again’. Had a !!!!!! message from my mate ‘heard he’s got best man duties again’ fml he was half responsible for me being on it when I said the first lot. I was not looking for anything elaborate the reasons I want to do it aren’t to do with making a show tbf I think she gets that but I know she at least wants a ring. Half wish I’d not opened the can of worms now tbh.

theoretica

What about a family ring?  Your and her birth stones either side of your son's - or her in the centre - thoughtful, probably cheaper than one big stone, very much a continuing relationship ring rather than trying to outdo her original engagement ring.

Or would she be amenable to moissanite?  Great thing.  Conflict free.  More brilliance than diamond. 

SanguineGina

Why would you need to get a 2nd engagement ring? Wouldn't the ring for a renewal of vows be just  simple eternity type rings exchanged during the service?

Think your original idea and the motivation behind it was lovely and very thoughtful.

enthusiasticsaver

I think your nice gesture has misfired a bit here. Surely the whole point of renewing your vows is to embrace a new future? One away from drugs, IG, splashing the cash around wastefully and a simpler more peaceful life. You want to acknowledge the important people in your lives who have helped you through the last year including your wife, PIL and parents but not a repeat wedding. You certainly don’t want the old best man there as he was the one who led you astray in the first place. It sounds like your wife wants a whole big wedding again which is ridiculous. Sit her down when you are back home and tell her that you definitely do not want a big showy wedding. A simple vow renewal and maybe an eternity ring but just a small party. 

theoretica

And for your ex-mate and anyone else who tries to get added to the plan - your son was of course not at your first wedding, so you will be making this really special for him and he will be there for both of you.

alt80

Not had a !!!!!! wink of sleep tonight. Need to get off the phone I know hope writing it down I’ll get a couple of hours. 

I had hoped for just she, son and I with each of our parents. She has 3 siblings so would start to get silly. No interest in mates, mates of mates, a best man, bridesmaids or whatever. I wasn’t looking for a !!!!!! wedding wasn’t really looking to spend any money worth speaking about actually thought we’d have our same rings. It’s not actually something anyone I know has done to my knowledge but was kind of hoping that’s how it’s be just something for us not her with her nose back in the !!!!!! bridal magazines it’s not all about me though appreciate that but back to feeling !!!!!! about not being able to afford the things she wants. !!!!!! amazing lol.

@theoretica my birthstone and son’s are the same - citrine and hers is diamond lol. Moissanite are lab created, no? Hence cruelty free?

SanguineGina

alt80 said:

I had hoped for just she, son and I with each of our parents. She has 3 siblings so would start to get silly. No interest in mates, mates of mates, a best man, bridesmaids or whatever. I wasn’t looking for a !!!!!! wedding wasn’t really looking to spend any money worth speaking about actually thought we’d have our same rings. It’s not actually something anyone I know has done to my knowledge but was kind of hoping that’s how it’s be just something for us not her with her nose back in the !!!!!! bridal magazines it’s not all about me though appreciate that but back to feeling !!!!!! about not being able to afford the things she wants. !!!!!! amazing lol.

Tell your wife this, alt, and make it clear that all you envisaged/wanted and think appropriate is a simple renewal with just the two of you, your son and both sets of parents.

The quicker you nip this in the bud, the easier it will be be for your wife to adjust her thinking/ expectations.

Think you should compromise re the ring though - a new ring to mark the renewal would be lovely for your wife and doesn't need to be crazy expensive.

Do not let it become about the money/expense and do not let your thoughts spiral into negative thoughts re this. Be strong, stand firm and simply state to your wife (if she were to make any snarky type money comments) that you aren't prepared to spend excessively as there is no need to do so.

21 weeks today - that must feel so good! Well done👍

enthusiasticsaver

I would suggest it is done as a holiday in Greece for next year so your parents can be there as I think they weren’t at your first so presumably why they haven't met your PIL? Just you, your wife, son and parents. It is not a wedding so you don’t have bridesmaids, best men or anything like that. It is not only about the money but the fact you want a simpler less showy life. Is she on board with that? I thought she had moved on from the IG showy off posts? 

RelievedSheff

I agree with the others that when you get home you need to sit down with your wife and let her know what your plans for the vows renewal are. Make it perfectly clear that this is not another wedding and that she shouldn't expect another wedding.

Don't let it trouble you too much. You have a long time to sort out the plans.