First Steps to Solvency

warby68

I'm sorry its triggered your wife's princess/IG mode.

I also thought she'd moved on, clearly not.

However she has, with a little time, got her head round new ways of thinking about things. Hopefully she will with this, especially when you hammer home this is about genuine love for her and for family and not for show. The 'show' is precisely what you've moved away from. Let her look and get it out of her system a bit and then try again. I don't see why there couldn't be a ring, but its eternity time not brand new but better engagement ring time.

Keep the faith, your idea is lovely and appropriate, she's still not quite a grown up. Stand firm about it. Your wants are just as important. Get the inlaws on side as well. 

If she still sticks to the show maybe its something to leave a while longer until you're both on the same page. She's still a novice at the new life.

ladyholly

As others have said you want a renewal of vows not a wedding. When you get home you will need to explain you want a simple and intimate ceremony with just both sets of parents and your son. Sell her on the idea of a romantic time not a huge party. With regards to a ring the most you should go for is an inexpensive dress ring with possibly an eternity ring for the ceremony.

Fix a modest budget for outfits and the ring and ensure you and she sticks to it. I think I might tell her that if she starts getting silly you will forget the whole thing (you can always plan a small event in secret with her parents just turning up while you are on holiday in Greece and springing it on her. I think that would be even better thinking about it, you get to keep complete control and other than parents no one else needs to know until afterwards and would be quite romnatic)

stymied

I like the idea of an eternity ring rather than a second engagement ring. No idea how they compare in price.

theoretica

Full eternity rings all the way round are basically impossible to resize if that is a future consideration.  Something with a patch of plain metal is much easier to work with.

Having a second engagement for a renewal of vows seems odd to me and devaluing in some ways the existing vows and the marriage itself.

Yes Moissanite is lab made - doesn't occur naturally in gem quality and size.

dawnybabes

I wouldn’t have thought about getting a new ring tbh.  I remember years ago I lost one of the diamonds out of my engagement ring, I claimed on the house insurance and got put through to a young lad - he was telling me I could have a whole new ring, I was insisting they repaired my ring, he just couldn’t ‘get’ why I’d not want a new ring at all. Took about 20 minutes to convince him I needed mine repairing.  

strawb_shortcake

Glad to hear you have had what sounds like a wonderful holiday, and already looking ahead to similar next year. 
What a lovely thoughtful idea about renewing your vows too, I think it's a great idea to symbolise your relationship going forward. 

Maybe when you are back home, you can speak to your wife and reiterate just what the renewal means for you a meaningful romantic gesture is worth far more than any expensive second ring, but I'm sure there is a compromise somewhere and the eternity ring sounds quite  fitting, but not 3 months salary!!


I have heard of upgrading engagement rings before, unsurprisingly it's an American thing and the idea behind is that the Husband can afford a more expensive ring after 5, 10, 20 years of marriage than he could prior to engagement - think it's more IG than a romantic gesture. 

Have a safe trip home

getmore4less

I think the idea of vows is a good one but you need to rain in the wife.

This is about a new way forward and another year of being on the straight and narrow on life choices and spending.

There is no second wedding what was she thinking about defeats the object  so not happening if that the way she wants to go.

in effect shut it down completely for a while.

Then...

I would put it past her parents(without her around) to assess if they are up for a Greece break with some/all of it on your parents Island for the renew of vows.

You want them(PIL) there as a way of showing your appreciation for there support this year when things were difficult.
If anything extra needs paying for, cover some/all of her parents costs is far better value than more bling for the wife.

If they are on board then the planning can begin to make it happen.

RelievedSheff

Hope you have a safe trip home today.

You have some Notts rain to look forward to.

vampirotoothus

Glad you've had a lovely holiday. I love the idea of the vow renewals, what a great idea. If the wife insists on a new ring tell her you'll start looking for a new wife to go with it lol x

alt80

Day 149
Total holiday spends £855 - absolutely buzzing about that. Had a great time overall. Weather wasn’t bad - about 20degrees and sunny most of the time. Bit of a shock being back in NG fml it’s freezing. Being away makes me appreciate my home tbf but being away has been really nice apart from the bed lol. I want to visit my parents more regularly it’s been amazing to see my son with them. My mum and dad are different from the 80s/90s I couldn’t deal with that but seeing them with my son these past few weeks and seeing my boy enjoying the coast (he loves beaches etc) has been some of the best days of my life. Wife said to me on the way home she can’t wait to go back been one of the best hols we’ve had in a long time. Thank you again to those on here who’d given me a bit of a push to book the time away it’s been amazing and I needed the push.

Last few days I’ve hardly slept. Hoping to make the most of the extra hour this evening and try to reset my own sleep clock ha. 

My wife and I saw her parents today and are still planning to renew our vows next year. Her parents are looking forward to a trip to Greece. Mrs a bit annoyed my debts are the reason I can’t reasonably buy her a £25k ring. Will have a think about the eternity ring, she’d like that tbf. I had a bit of a !!!!!! breakdown tbh had spent too long going over figures and told her I can’t do it anymore just want to have a safer lifestyle and it’s not about ‘getting married again’ for me. 

Been a cheap Saturday, £25 spend; lunch with her parents. Walk and a coffee. Son and wife went to a little Halloween party organised by one of his school mates wife took some sweets. They were both dressed up lol. I dropped them off and picked them up (nice thing about keeping most days AF being able to do that), went to the office whilst they were at the Halloween thing for first time since being back spent a few hours working. I’ve kept in touch but kept it to about 2-3 hours a day max. Staff have done me proud again still busy. Tbf only went to work this evening because I couldn’t face son’s mate’s parents. Saw some of them when I picked wife and son up, said hello and left. Quite pleased I don’t go out anymore tbh think I really am done with that, just not something I want to do anymore.

Coming month is a busy one: birthdays, getting things ready for Christmas but no decs up in November this year ha and we have a night away to see the RHS garden lit up for my birthday. Really looking forward to that. Had some amazing weekends away this year and our holiday too. I never thought I’d be able to get to a position of enjoying that time away from work and NG but I’m really grateful for those on here who’ve said I need to have breaks away. Since I’ve been free from using cocaine I’ve been able to enjoy being away from home. Smile every morning I add that +1 day. Lot to thank you guys on here for in my continued recovery too.

Whilst on the subject of being away, I had access to cards. Wife said she thinks I should try having one card in my wallet, being able to fill my car with petrol myself etc again and pay for coffee etc. Idk tbh I made sure I didn’t take my wallet with me when we went for a walk. Know I’m not going to do anything and I’d like to be able to have access to some personal money but to say I’ve never had cravings for destructive stuff would be lying no payment method takes the potent ion all threat away. I am managing them though but idk whether that’s enough and I don’t want to relapse into the lifestyle I led prior to the past few months it was killing me and harming my family. Don’t want to ever go down that road again.