First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

No one is saying you should buy your wife a ring. I think you are right that it should not be about things.

warby68

I agree noone is saying you SHOULD buy a ring just that if a ring feels appropriate it shouldn't be about its cost but its meaning.

An eternity ring fits in with your feelings, a diamond of a very specific value is for material purposes.

I wholly agree that a renewal (and TBH for me a wedding) should not be about the things.

strawb_shortcake

With regards to the holiday in Greece, the most striking thing for me was that you all had a wonderful holiday, notwithstanding you saw your parents (which must be a major contribution), but it was a holiday without the  luxury,  it wasn't an Instagram holiday full of snaps for your wife to boast about the "lifestyle" like Dubai or the Caribbean but it meant so much to all of you and your Wife was/is keen to go back soon. This holiday sounded like it trumped all other past holidays

In the same way, the renewal of your vows in the way you intend will be far more meaningful without the expensive price tags running through your wife's head,  is this something you could possibly explore and correlate  with the holiday in joint sessions to help your wife see your loving gesture for what it really is? 

I think I've said before I don't understand the "deserve/entitlement" elements. Marriages and relationships are hard, they have their ups and downs, their illnesses, tragedies, addictions and all other stuff that we'd probably prefer not to face, but we work through it because the upsides and our love for the other person outweighs the bad bits. 

I had a horrendous and difficult start in the relationship with my Husband, I stuck with him, because the alternative I felt was far worse. I don't feel I'm deserving of a lifetime of apologies and gifts to make up for the awful start, and quite frankly no gift is ever going to change the past, the past did however make us a strong couple with resilience to get through difficult situations.

But how can you possibly quantify who is "deserving" of a £25k ring? A hardworking Nurse that saves lives on a  regular basis? Someone else from the emergency services that risk their lives? Humanitarians?  All admirable people but their jobs don't make them deserving of high end pieces. It's just down to affordability, everyone has a line of their own affordability and there really is no shame in anyone's line being different to their neighbours. 

ladyholly

Weddings and renewal of vows are about 2 people who love each other commiting to their lives together . Nothing more and nothing less. All the rest is possibly nice to have but totally not necessary. If you WANT to give her a ring after the ceremony that would be a lovely gesture but I would suggest it be a surprise so that it doesnt become all about a piece of jewellery. I think you know her taste well enough to get one she would like and you can borrow one to get the size right but I would caution you to spend a snsible amount of money on it. An eternity ring is would be ideal and in keeping with the sentiments of a renewal of vows.

amanda_p

We had a couple of friends who renewed their wedding vows. They had been through unimaginable tragedy in their life and as they gradually crawled out of the depth of despair they realised that they had weathered it together, hence the vow renewal.

It was on a beach in Turkey at sunset, just them and their parents. Both were barefoot, he wore shorts, she wore a beach dress. No exchange of rings. Instead they had a quote from A Tale of Two Cities written in italics and framed to hang at home as it summed up their feelings. 'It was the best of times,it was the worst of times,it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the spring of hope.'
For them it was especially meaningful and the start of a way forward.

There were no sparkling diamonds or fancy frocks, it was just a very simple ceremony to mark the beginning of better times ahead for the two of them. Very few people were aware of it happening until it was over. They had a few photos that were shown to close friends, nothing at all on any social media platforms.

For them it was something very simple and very meaningful between the two of them.

Bargainhunter30

I think Mrs Alt gets such a hard time. If she was the one posting here about struggling to control her spends everyone would be less judgemental. She has had unlimited funds available for the last 15(?) Years and it will take time to get used to, just like it has you. I think £150 overspend for your sons birthday is an achievement for her. Also I would consider making all her budgets lower than they actually need to be, so then when she goes over budget it doesn't matter as much. Maybe next year it will only be a £50 overspend. I do think she is getting better but has a return to the old mentality occasionally.  In regards to the vow renewal, she is probably just over excited and will calm down. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt If you are going to buy her an eternity ring forget high end jewellers with their massive mark up and go for someone in Brmingham Jewellery Quarter.

This is the first hit that came up on a Google search, don't know if it is any good but it will give you an idea of what you can get for much less than £25.000.

Yellow Gold Diamond Eternity Rings | 18ct White Gold | Diamond Heaven (diamond-heaven.co.uk)

getmore4less

Not exactly what I googles for but close.
with all this I could have got a footballer talk maybe get her one of these.

theoretica

I think on the 'you like buying property' side there is possibly some tweaking to be done on how you present it.  When you talk about wanting to keep all the income reinvested and not draw from the portfolio that does make that portion sound like a self contained endeavour and not a business that benefits the family.  To sound more like a business to other people you could add a bit more about future potential for drawing income - and why that potential is more important than spending everything you can now - to be able to replace the income you have from your main business in the future if needed. It doesn't need to be anything like a definite plan, but the value of future flexibility and insulation against future unknowns.

getmore4less

When she says sell one of the BTL remind her that one has been paying for her (insert  appropriate drop in net rental income items(s))  for the last n years.

She is still using manipulative talk that she knows hit the nerves,  property and could have got a footballer.