First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Sorry to hear you have all been ill. Hope you all get better soon.

ladyholly

I am sorry that you have all been ill and hope you are feeling better.

From my perspective I really dont know how (or why) you have not packed your wife bags and told her to earn her own money and find her footballer. You do not  need the constant negative comments which are destructive to your self esteem and recovery. I dont know if you have told her how destructive she is being and that if you regress it will be at least partly her fault. As Woahsoah says talk to your pros on the best way to handle the constant put downs.

All I can tell you from personal experience a little praise and support goes a long way to boost self esteem. You are doing amazingly well and dont need such comments. You have a great business and a very good income and are becoming a good family man. Give yourself credit for that.

poppy811

Just wishing you all the best in dealing with this.  I can only agree with the other posters and hope you can convince her that No means No.  She has been so used t o getting everything she wants it is going to be a hard lesson.  You cannot go on like this, please do not jeopardise your recovery.

alt80

Day 158

Managed to get a decent amount of work done but not been well this evening. No money spent apart from on food for the week which is just a normal spend and that was only £45 as we have things we've not eaten but still ok to use. Son has stayed off today will be fine to go to school tomorrow though. Going to bed once I've wrote this should have at 8.30 just feel asleep on sofa and now awake again. See how I am tomorrow no fee earning work planned so even if I stay in bed I can do something lol. 

@Purplelady65 no, not Covid I thought it might be but we've done the tests and its not. 

She'd struggle with full time work lol and you're probably right its about pressing my buttons and little else. 

@woahsoah thanks mate idk what I'd do with myself if I didn't have my business maybe !!!!!! to Greece away from it all ha. Seriously I wouldn't sell up but idk it's oddly comforting with a clear head to think I'm ok first time in my life I've thought that been too desperate for the money all the time. People on here I've a lot to thank for and the realisation I'm ok so long as I'm not spending like a madman it's an amazing feeling. Think it was you who said you might make more money but think my position is fortunate in other ways for my business being my own or something like that. If it wasn't you I apologise but thank youif it was - made me think. 

My Mrs gets wrapped up in IG and the type of lifestyle stuff she follows on there people wearing six figures or whatever. I've told her to open her eyes, we're doing ok for NG. Awful lot of people worse off than me around here I always chose to look up rather than around, appreciate what I have. 

@enthusiasticsaver / @RelievedSheff thank you, I do too lol.

@ladyholly thank you means a lot. I know where you're coming from re my Mrs she can be very frustrating but I love her to bits and she's not all bad lol. I'm 100% committed to my recovery. I've chosen to say I've had enough and I'm going to keep adding those +1 days. Working on my recovery/ personal finances/ life it's like the early days in business little wins letting them build and compound. Said before on here in a different context I don't like losing and there's no way I want to lose my way again now.

@poppy811 thank you. I am starting to wonder if people on here are right again haha and she's just used to getting this stuff all the time without the correlation of fee paying work. Not something I've thought about much if any in the 'old times'. Not jeapardising my recovery 100% commitment and 100% had enough. Everyday have that choice remain in recovery away from the destructive stuff and add a +1 or risk everything that's good for nothing but a bit of a hit maybe and a guaranteed massive world of pain. Give a miss thanks. 

warby68

Morning  @alt80 - insomnia here again

Sorry you've all been ill but so good that you can be 'normal ill' and not (or so it seems) have a major anxiety attack about it or panic about work and just take it in your stride.

The above post is lovely to read and shows just how far you've come in a year. The count is really serious time now and there are some hints that  you are recognizing what you've achieved and how good a position you're creating. Hopefully your wife will get it with more time as you clearly want to keep your princess. I think the key will be your self belief, when you no longer respond to her not very nice taunts and give off confidence in yourself and keep relaying a consistent message to her about real life and how good you've made it for you all. There is something very attractive too about a confident, assured but not arrogant person. Add in success too and well...... Remember you do not have to pay for your mistakes forever, she has made mistakes too and has chosen to stay. That means her moving on just as you are. 

Somehow I think you'll get your renewal even if not just yet. One with meaning not stuff (well maybe a bit but not the IG 'rock'|)

Keep going @alt80

enthusiasticsaver

Almost up to day 160. You are doing really well. There are a lot of nasty cough/cold infections around but I hope you throw it off soon. You have certainly come a long way since your first posts on here and your determination to stick with the budgeting and the substance avoidance does you credit. Stick to the plan, don’t rise to the taunts from your wife and hopefully the card debt will be gone by 2023. It is a shame she can’t seem to leave the IG, social media stuff alone. I have said before her own lack of direction and focus gives her too much time to dwell on stuff she wants but can’t have and because she hasn’t worked she doesn’t always appreciate what she does have. She has been lucky not to be facing the very real problems some people have just putting a roof over their head, keeping warm and enough money for food. All the rest is just frivolities. Nice to have but not essential. 

Get better soon. 

getmore4less

Was thinking your letting business generates enough to sustain you once some of your bigger spends drop off.

Then that made me realise that £25k ring would be 2 years of school fees

Where is the better value?

sorry to hear you have not been well,  I think we are in for a buggy winter this years as people let their guards down on basic preventions that worked so well last winter when most regular illness pretty much disappeared

we have been watching some house !!!!!!

The World's Most Extraordinary Homes

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b09tqygb/the-worlds-most-extraordinary-homes

I know you have a leaning towards older property but do you think you have a project in you for something spectacular.

Maybe a holiday home on a Greek Island now you are into holidays.

alt80

Day 159

A bit better today thanks all, my boy back at school and managed to do well on the work front myself. Hoping to get back to the gym tomorrow. I am back to my normal weight but need to start taking the gym seriously again. Not been a no spends but only planned spends nothing extra, always nice these days tbh.

@warby68 I hope you got back to sleep in the end. 'Normal ill' though fml true tbf my wife said it must be the first time in years a bit of a knockback hasn't sent me delving into the med journals lol. I can laugh at myself tbf I know it's !!!!!! crazy.

Thank you I'm serious about my recovery 100% I've realised through time with the pros it's not just coke and spending it's my mindset why I became addicted in the first place. I've had a lot of trouble not being able to come to terms with a few things that just didn't happen for me in business and were frankly missed opportunities because I was a mess. Past few weeks I'm glad I didn't take some of the risks that would have potentially been either a game changer or would have meant I likely wouldn't have been able to recover financially and probably the rest idk ultimately it's gone and I should be and am !!!!!! thankful for what I've got.

Hope you're right re renewal it's something I want to do and apparently something she wants to do but if all about a big diamond and nothing else that's not for me. Tbf she has been off the lifestyle stuff today. Her dad has set her a fitness challenge for the rest of the year and got her roped into sorting various Christmas lights, decs etc out for the them haha. 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. Being free of the card debt is only going to be a temporary factor whilst I've got the balloon on my car but I really am looking forward to the day I pay that balloon payment off in full, no additional interest to refinance it and work on the remainder of the 0% I've used to get there knowing it won't take long to clear, I'll have a fully paid for personal car, no card debt tbh best personal position I've ever been in when I get to that stage. Have to smile probably looked to the world like I was in a better position when I really was !!!!!! drowning in it. Actually thought today it just doesn't matter what people you know or don't know think; up to them ultimately if they want to think I'm struggling in life because my car's a year older or whatever not my problem. Lot to thank people on here for reviewing being too image conscious. 

@getmore4less You're right mate fml I've not thought about it in that way before. That's !!!!!! amazing tbh know I would have said I couldn't do that / need to make more / don't want to be one of the 'financial freedom' brigade etc etc but I'm sat here smiling from ear to ear that would be possible with the balloon payment gone and subsequent payoff. I don't know why I've stuck with it this time after many years of fleeting thoughts but I can't undo what I've seen from the forecasts I've produced that I've now found to be realistic and achievable. You've made my day mate thanks.

I love those programmes 100% will check it out wife will like it too she just thinks its !!!!!! hilarious I can deal with property all day and watch that type of stuff all night ha. Just had a look on the link Japan one looks out of this world. Generally I prefer older architecture but also am increasingly interested in the juxtaposition of period and ultra modern when it's done right. My sister lives in a self build, always was her dream but it's no grand designs place budget constraints rather than inclination but there are elements to the build that are impressive and 100% tailored to her/ family's lifestyle etc. 

Don't !!!!!! tempt me with a Greek project mate I keep half looking/ thinking about it. 

getmore4less

I thing one thing to take away from the lettings business, it's a very good safety net should something happen to everything else.

It pretty much runs itself now and and would not be too hard for someone to take over higher level management.
for now you can keep going with a growth plan increasing the income potential should it ever be needed.

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There are some good places on that series, some were just money no object.

I do like it when there is innovative engineering involved


On the house build front can't remember if the Doozergirl self build has come up before.

builder/developer family, a regular of the house boards on MSE.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6042943/the-doozer-family-self-build/p1

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Good you are coming to terms with the "ones that got away"  where you were those risky ones were more likely to go wrong than come good, potential projects may be a bit thin on the ground but they will happen and you are in a better place to finance them now and that makes them less risky.

The other issue for any projects is materials supply has thrown the timing and costs out the window.  

160,   Seems like one of those good numbers but the only one I came up with is 20 x  8 day weeks which is what you have been working sometimes. 

alt80

Day 161 or Week 23, not too far away from 6 months. 

Not been the world's best couple of days nothing bad just a few negative thoughts about life - is what it is ultimately. Spends are very low right now which I'd forecast would be the case and hopefully will a fair amount will be cleared off the cards. Few things planned but already paid for which is nice. 

@getmore4less that's a very good point always on the look out for the right units too but not going to put money into something with little return which is all I'm coming across rn. Not complaining, other side of business is good and tbf that's what turns the money in the first place. Be in a good position to catch falling prices one day who knows ha. Have to laugh at that though tbf one element of business being in a good place means another suffers in this game, have enough irons in the fire to balance things out.

Still haven't managed to watch one yet last night went to bed at 8.30pm fml. 

Will have to check that out re the self build thanks mate.

Ones that got away weren't just projects, other business opportunities too. Don't really want to get into it and start the whole !!!!!! regret feeling utterly !!!!!! about myself again but you're right about the projects 100%. Things are coming ok slowly just have to keep reminding myself that ha. 

Materials / labour rn is an absolute !!!!!! pain / nightmare I'm quite glad my latest is done and out the way for that reason lol. 

Re day 160 certainly seems that way with work over the years. Having to step off the treadmill a bit for the moment I'm exhausted and just starting to realise it. No plans to stop just letting the right people take care of the day to day.