First Steps to Solvency

Purplelady65

You are still on a journey and it’s going to take time to learn new ways of thinking about yourself. From what you’ve posted previously your views about worth, wealth, spending and work ethic have probably formulated during your childhood so to think about yourself and things around you in a different way when you’ve probably had these beliefs for around 25 - 30 years is not going to happen overnight and is going to take time and effort from yourself to change. If you can manage the rough patches then that is an achievement in itself. 

The OPs suggestions to view yourself as a good employer and landlord are really good ones. From what you’ve posted you do seem to really look after your staff and it sounds an environment where people enjoy working there. The same for you being a landlord - you want to provide decent places for people to live. If you weren’t an employer or a landlord then your staff would be out of a job and your tenants would be without a home. 

Re your sister I know you’ve said she won’t meet you. Could you write her a letter explaining a bit more about your situation, your mental health struggles and the efforts you are making to overcome them? It might make her a bit more sympathetic to your situation. 

maggiem

alt80 said:

Yeah I only value myself in assets and financial terms and can’t get out of that thinking. Do everything pros say and it’s a little better for a bit but something trips me off !!!!!! guaranteed.

However, despite all your negative thoughts, you have not gone back to drugs. It seems that you will continue to be tripped off by something but please recognise and value your successes. Just keep going, this will get easier. It sounds like you are rebuilding lots of relationships, including I hope with your sister when you are in Greece, and I am sure all these people, however shocked or disgusted initially, will recognise the huge strides you have made. Then the only person you need to convince is yourself! Good luck, lots of people including me rooting for you and cheering on your successes. 

warby68

The fact you can catch yourself before real damage is done is progress indeed.

When I said everything is too much about you, its a kind of paralysis by analysis that sets in. One event can trigger this cycle of endless looking back, introspection, going over old ground, devaluing yourself and resentment towards others/self pity. none of which does any good. However each time you do something that you don't initially fancy it has turned out better or easier than you thought and had a positive effect on your thinking.

I hope you get back to less thinking and more doing @alt80

One thing I am sure of is that your absence and avoidance will lead to more talk than your presence would.

Dig deep and turn this around again

alt80

Day 123 through like the sound of 124 and 125 too so can’t mess up my favourite three days in a row so far; consecutive, doubling and round. In my world values tend to be rounded to 2.5, 5, 7.5 or 0. I’m not counting half days so get to enjoy days ending in 5 or 0 laugh all you like but I don’t ever want to mess up on those days. Definitely something wrong with me I know that ha. 

I’ve downloaded the happiness cal app and someone prompted me on here to get rid of a few email subscriptions - they seem to creep back in not many but a few. I haven’t deleted social media but have it on a screen time setting wasn’t ever that into it tbf. 

Read to my boy this evening and he read to me idk why I find it crushes me massive guilt etc. Not been in a great place mentally for a long long time. Whoever said lead by example of work life balance haha fml I’ve never had one of those. In lots of ways this sounds !!!!!! mad and makes me feel like !!!!!! about myself but I like running a small company, add maybe 4-5 more staff max that’s my ideal not tiny and not too big from a management perspective. Makes me disgusted with myself though not thinking bigger and essentially would mean resigning myself to my life not changing that much also my wife’s life not changing that much. That conflict !!!!!! 100% breaks me lot of reason I get into the state I do is over mental conflict between potential of achieving next level/ one after etc etc and the culture/ environment I like in business. I always have tried my best with staff/ tenants etc. Don’t think that makes me some kind of saint though it’s a selfish motivation really but one that’s imo good all round. 

GP appointment tomorrow possibly is stress related. Read about some poor bloke who had a heart attack had to change his life to being as stress free as possible I don’t know what not being stressed looks like I don’t think sometimes so !!!!!! far gone I’m stressed about the idea of not having stress. Thought of having no monthly financial commitments !!!!!! terrifies me idk lot of people look forward to that I know wish I could as I still want to pay the current load of debt off just afraid of the time after unless I keep retained and wife wants me to keep drawings similar level. Know why, she wants some more lifestyle back.

woahsoah

Made me think of you Alt: https://inews.co.uk/opinion/michael-gove-conservative-party-conference-levelling-up-slogan-1231945

QueenJess

alt80 said:

Day 123 through like the sound of 124 and 125 too so can’t mess up my favourite three days in a row so far; consecutive, doubling and round. In my world values tend to be rounded to 2.5, 5, 7.5 or 0. I’m not counting half days so get to enjoy days ending in 5 or 0 laugh all you like but I don’t ever want to mess up on those days. Definitely something wrong with me I know that ha. 

This made me laugh 😂. It reminds me of my husband who gets excited and loves to point out when the clock says 12:34.

alt80 said:

Read to my boy this evening and he read to me idk why I find it crushes me massive guilt etc. 

I always have tried my best with staff/ tenants etc. Don’t think that makes me some kind of saint though it’s a selfish motivation really but one that’s imo good all round. 

I personally think that every parent is guilt y about something (me included!). You can’t do everything and as people say “comparison is the thief of joy”. I try to ignore it and if I know I am trying my best right now, then that is good enough. I never look back in life with “I wish” - I used to years ago, but retrained myself as you can’t change anything and so it’s just a complete waste of time. Now if anyone asks if I would change anything in my life if I could go back,  I am genuinely at a loss to answer.

In terms of work/being a good boss, you have no idea how good that is. The fact that you do care sets you apart from almost every firm I have worked for/seen. You wouldn’t believe what goes on… I would love to work for someone that cares!

You aren’t selfish as a boss - you do need to make money at work; that’s the nature of the job. Everyone knows that and if you didn’t, your staff would be out of a job.

warby68

@alt80 I like those numbers as well, we've all got a bit of weird going on

I don't know how medication fits in with treatment for addiction but certainly worth a discussion with GP about your anxiety and very low moods/obsessive thoughts. A lot of the meds help with sleep too. You might need a bit more help to find your balance.

ladyholly

Dont under estimate being a good boss and landlord. My second to last boss did something to me as a "joke" that involved a phobia I have. It  was no joke to me and I had to walk out of a job I liked that minute as I just couldnt be in the building . Its taken a long while to get over that.

There are so many poor landlords that to be a good one is a blessing to your tenants. I have seen the result of bad landlords and it isnt pretty.

Give yourself credit for thoe things and then build on it reading to your son and having him read to you is a wonderful thing to do. It builds a bond with him and is the kind of thing he will remember. That might be the next thing to work on always doing and letting it for  to be an important part of both your days.

Dont worry about slowing your work down in the future. You are in the position of doing as much or little as you want to an extent. As you get older things can change and you never know you might want to slow down a litttle but it it far too early too worry yet as long as you have plans for financial security. You have at least 25 years to work yet before official retirement age.

Hope you get something from your GP appointment but try to stay away from medication. I dont think it will help at this stage of your recovery and dont forget all meds come with side effect some of which are not nice and can be worse that the original problem.

alt80

Day 124 

Had a bit of an epiphany this morning I’m sorted with personal payback so long as I continue on the slog with no personal access to money on an indefinite basis. I want to do anything that involves spending wife will have to deal with it. No more surprises no more spending on me. Keeping me away from the other stuff too. Business things are good so long as everything keeps ticking over. 

Tbh I don’t think I will ever fully sort my head out just need to do enough so I don’t do anything stupid and wreck the lives of others. Often think I don’t really want to be here but too many responsibilities to others so just need to get to a point I fulfil what I need to and forget the personal wants. 

@woahsoah fml 

alt80

@QueenJess ha not just me who likes the numbers lol 

Glad you can look back and say you wouldn’t change a thing must be a nice place to be. 

Ha absolutely re need to make profit staff know that’s why they are there ultimately lol. I can think of others sometimes for my own self interest retain good people brings in the fees more consistently imo than constant turnover there’s a rate of turnover is in any business people move on same with tenants but would like to think the environment for what it is is good place to work/ live. 

@warby68 ha I thought you might like the numbers too. 

Some days I would take any drug offered others I don’t think I’ve come this far in dealing with not using to wind up on some other kind of substance prescribed or not. Who knows just need to get through the days.

@ladyholly my son is going to grow out of that quite soon I’m sure but would be nice to be able to do things with him normal family stuff without it crushing me. 

It’s not work as such I’m worried about have a fairly solid plan moving into the future. I’m more concerned I won’t meet the goals I’d like to personally business growth obviously facilitates that. As I say though possibly just need to check out of that altogether.