First Steps to Solvency

stymied

That’s good that your son wants to tell you about his day. I hope you encouraged him and asked him some stuff about it x

Grumpelstiltskin

stymied said:

That’s good that your son wants to tell you about his day. I hope you encouraged him and asked him some stuff about it x

It would have been much better if you had gone with him. You had a hangover, so what, instead of staying home and wallowing in self pity you should have taken a deep breath, a cold shower and gone out with your wife and son.

ladyholly

What a shame for your son that his father has spent the day in bed because he has a hangover.

alt80

@stymied yes I did just not very nice to hear son telling me how !!!!!! amazing his mate’s dad is tbf it isn’t my son’s problem I can’t deal with his mate’s dad but my wife hasn’t been very nice to me about it and she knows what a !!!!!! he’s been to me.


@Grumpelstiltskin / @ladyholly firstly I have spent no money on anything for over 122 days and only big purchase I really want to make is upgrading my house. That’s some time away. Yeah I’d like to be able to buy things for my wife it kills me I basically !!!!!! relapse with the spending if I treat her that’s not how it should be I know that. I haven’t been ‘wallowing in self pity’ either, fwiw I’ve been mainly listening to music, caught up with a few property people and watched some recovery videos. Not that I really need to explain myself but had I dragged myself out I knew I would be putting myself at risk of spending or using after being in contact with him, the guy drives me over the edge has done before and I’m not going to let that happen again. He’s a patronising, holier than thou !!!!!!.
 

ladyholly

Children do have a habit of thinking their friends parents are wonderful and so much better than their own. Don't dwell on it it is just a stage they pass through. 
Very pleased you have been working on your recovery videos. It is a hard road you are on and you are doing very well.  
Your sister may well try to wind you up when on holiday try to ignore it and simply leave the room or wherever you are. Would it be worth talking to your parents and ask that them to deflect any conflict. You are still in the early days of recovery so tell them you cannot cope with any  at present. 

warby68

Unfortunately you still make everything too much about you.

I understand you're fragile and struggling but nonetheless it is something to get past. You have a son. Sometimes you won't like the parents (or even the child) but sucking that up is part of the parent job.

You're ducking too much and yes you are wallowing.

You need to get back to where you were a few weeks ago - really making the effort to put the 'right' behaviours above your own incilnations and able to see some of your own thought patterns more objectively.

The recovery count is fantastic but the wider stuff seems to be a real struggle right now. Hope you find your way back soon.

alt80

@ladyholly I can deal with it generally just not with the person concerned. I know I should be able to let it go and not be irrational about it, that’s still very early work in progress. Don’t want my boy to fall out with his friend but if I never had to see or hear about his dad again, I’d be happy. 

I listen to a lot of material to do with recovery and speak to the pros. Looked over some of the things I’d written down a while back. Important to let go of the past and work on building self worth I’m struggling massively with both. Never had any sense of self worth not attached to money basically and no amount is enough. Concentrate on limiting potential to spend/ use and going over what basically amounts to some kind of cost benefit analysis.

It’s not that I can’t take banter how she is isn’t banter and we used to be really close. It !!!!!! breaks me. Weird thing is she knew I did it, the last NYE we had at my parents’ old pub she confronted me about it but just to tell me to make sure our dad didn’t find out. Out of everyone my family and in-laws I thought she’d have given me the most support in my recovery but nope seen her for what she is. Made me laugh day before she’s due in Greece happiness cal is ‘let go of the expectations of others and focus on what matters to you’ 100 !!!!!! %.

alt80

@warby68 I am struggling but hoping I’ll be ok after getting through this !!!!!! impending trip.

It’s not about me at all - this guy stood on my drive and said I am a jumped up estate agent who has scraped together a deposit for my Range Rover amongst other !!!!!! on other occasions including gems like he’d bet money I swim in an ocean of debt, I’ll probably wind up not being able to pay for my son’s education, he wouldn’t be surprised to see my house up for sale with the repo tape everywhere and he’s sure one day he’ll see my name in the London Gazette. He said the last one right in front of both my son and his kid. This guy and his wife are !!!!!! horrible people. He’s a self righteous nasty piece of work.

alt80

Shouldn’t be awake at this time. Wide !!!!!! awake fml probably didn’t help spending day in bed and 10pm coffee tbf. I’m missing not spending tbh not looking to do it but missing it like mad mainly really want to get something nice for my wife celebrate her doing well last week but that’s crazy celebrating her not spending by getting my card back and buying things. Even I can’t justify that one. Really hope how I am generally rn passes when I get back home after Greece feel like I’m on the countdown. Have learned these thoughts can pass are just thoughts etc. At the moment having real issues with doing the relaxation/ mindfulness type stuff though and suppose I subconsciously decided I was going to get wasted last night to avoid having to deal with the outing today as it was looking likely not pleased with myself about that really. Been a let down really and my Mrs not pleased with me either. I can’t deal with what this guy thinks of me not saying I’ve been !!!!!! perfectly behaved but the debt comments from others always have really !!!!!! jarred a fair few people have made same / similar comments but he has a !!!!!! way with words. I’m !!!!!! paranoid now they think I’ve been on the sniff through not turning up today should only matter to me and my family I know but I think there are parents who think I’m a cokehead and start worrying someone will one day say something to my boy or one day he’s going to get someone make some !!!!!! debt comment to him. It bothers me especially now I’m really working to reduce my own spending, reduce my debts and I still have people making comments 

KxMx

Alt, you're right, you have an amazing number of clean days and a great percentage of debt repaid. 

They/he doesn't know that though and as you've now realised staying at home wasn't the right call. 

Acknowledge the dissapointment and move on. Use those feelings the next time you are tempted to duck out of something you know you shouldn't. 

Next time he or maybe your sister passes comment, acknowledge the debt, the drug problem, your dissapointment on how bad things got, then say how proud you are now of how far you've come and share your percentage of debt repayment and number of clean days.