First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

You need to try and stop worrying so much about what other people think. What does that matter?

ladyholly

RelievedSheff said:

You need to try and stop worrying so much about what other people think. What does that matter?

You are right. Who cares what some stuck up idiot says. He has his opinion but he still allows his son to play with alts even away from school which seems odd if he really is so dismissive of alt.

alt80

Day 123 don’t know why that made me smile but it did lol.

Want to make this week a better one. I’m afraid I’ve been thinking about spending and putting myself into a position where I am at risk to wind up back on the coke. I don’t want any of it anymore. Agreed with wife I’m going to do what I need to work wise then come home have lunch with her and do some work at home then pick son up. We are going to go for a walk and see her parents for a few hours.

I’ve let myself get really ill again so !!!!!! run down anyway and it !!!!!! with my head. Anyone else would be off work on holiday or something working on getting their head in a better place. No point for me been a year trying to address and resolve seeing myself as completely !!!!!! worthless why I end up in the mess I do I know that just no amount of therapy changes the core issue. All I do know is I can’t lose count and I need to keep with my financial plans no matter how !!!!!! it makes me feel long run I’ll be better off.

One-step-at-a-time

KxMx said:

Next time he or maybe your sister passes comment, acknowledge the debt, the drug problem, your dissapointment on how bad things got, then say how proud you are now of how far you've come and share your percentage of debt repayment and number of clean days.

Exactly this. You are in control of flipping the narrative here.

Kakiste

Not to be harsh; but his comment (and your sister's one) got to you because they're true/partially true. If you'd paid for everything outright and he'd made the comment about your LR and debt you would have laughed, disagreed and then forgotten about it. You're smarting because his point rang true. 

The point is; you've recognised how bad the debt and the coke were for you and you're on a journey out of both. I agree with @KxMx next time someone comments then acknowledge the past issue and take a moment to brag about how far you've come. It takes the venom out of their complaint whilst also owning your issues. 

SanguineGina

Stop keep telling yourself that you are worthless, alt, and maybe then in time you will begin to realise your own value i.e. that you are a worthy human being who has value just like the rest of us.  In fact, if you start telling yourself the truth that you are worthy and valuable then guess what - you will begin to recognise that it really is true.

Why you insist on constantly referring to yourself as worthless is beyond me - it's almost like you are scared of accepting the truth which is that just like us all, you too are worthy and valuable.

Great to see you on day 123 - well done! Not bad going for someone who said that they couldn't do the slog! See - look what happens when you change what you tell yourself! ☺

carolbee

Well done on the days so far.

could you meet or speak with your sister to clear the air/apologise/ whatever needs doing before you go to Greece, and say you don’t want to upset your parents?

stymied

For the school dad, from what you said previously I think you’d just had a go at his wife and he got nasty in response. However I’m not convinced he’s worth worrying about. As you said what you believe about yourself is far more important. Even if you can’t believe anything else there’s no way you can argue with the fact you have value as a good employer and fair landlord. That’s 100% fact. Maybe start there and build on the tougher bits later. Oh and you have to set a good example as a good employer - setting the example of a poor work / life balance isn’t the best idea.

Your sister is worth the self affirmation. It’s time to ask your mum to talk to her about being more supportive. You’ve done your part proving you intend to stay clean and get out of excessive debt. Now it’s up to them.

SanguineGina

stymied said:

As you said what you believe about yourself is far more important. Even if you can’t believe anything else there’s no way you can argue with the fact you have value as a good employer and fair landlord. That’s 100% fact. 

That - what stymied said, 100% that is inarguably true.  So, alt, you really have to start thinking of yourself as definitely not as worthless as you thought, even if you can't yet see that you really aren't worthless at all.

Oh wait you are of course worth less than anyone who has a net financial worth of at least 1p greater than your net financial worth, but that doesn't count .  Except maybe that's where the problem is -  if you are only valuing your self worth in assets and financial circumstances.  Not saying that you are, just saying that it could be a reason why your core as you put it is resistant to accepting that you aren't worthless.

Anyway, hope you have a good evening and it will soon be day 124.👍

alt80

Day not been too bad. Wife has put all the booze in cellar haha not hard to get but not staring at me. Leave it well alone for a bit. Was becoming a stupid habit again. 

Spoke to pros I was going to wind up using otherwise had I not got my head in check. Wanted to !!!!!! badly on and off not engaging properly with recovery doing paranoid stuff getting obsessed with work, reading staff reports into stupid o’clock in the morning etc and wondering why I can hardly function. Almost had the cards out a couple of times def been in the danger zone. 

Yeah I only value myself in assets and financial terms and can’t get out of that thinking. Do everything pros say and it’s a little better for a bit but something trips me off !!!!!! guaranteed.