First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

alt80 said:

@theoretica I have never had enough money and I can’t think of a level that I can truthfully say I think I could say to myself I have enough. Comes up with pros a lot but I’m not really getting anywhere. Ultimately I can’t say I’m ok with this level or if I do I force it for a bit but always come back to where I am not good enough and need more.

Exactly.  So  you can push hard to get more - and I am pretty sure you will find that still isn't enough. And I think you suspect that. Or you can decide that even though it doesn't feel like enough you are stopping playing that game because you acknowledge you are never going to get to that particular 'good enough'.  Otherwise you are repeating the same action and hoping for a different result.

And as you are finding, the problem with working yourself to the ground is you end up on the ground.

On therapy - is this your habit of looking for a quick (expensive) solution rather than a long term slog coming back? 

woahsoah

I still struggle to see the logic in a "X figure" possession. What happens if the possession drops below 7 figures? Perhaps aim for a 1.3m gbp house? That should allow you a large enough buffer to stay within the 7 figure range. If you simply go for 1m on the nose you will probably be in a 6 figure house at some period.

getmore4less

woahsoah said:

I still struggle to see the logic in a "X figure" possession. What happens if the possession drops below 7 figures? Perhaps aim for a 1.3m gbp house? That should allow you a large enough buffer to stay within the 7 figure range. If you simply go for 1m on the nose you will probably be in a 6 figure house at some period.

Even if his own house went up over £1m that would not be good enough would give up that perfectly good house.

It's just the act of buying one that drives this.

getmore4less

Drifting into avoidance behaviour again with family, it won't help just add to the regret quota.

Where there are work opportunities you need to share them out, spread the load and prioritize, some things can wait.

The regular load/targets can be adjusted to capture new business.

You can't do it all and it is unproductive to try, you already do too many hours and trying to do more will undo all the progress that has been made, retreating back into the dark place and office prison(work or home)

Temporary overload of staff can be managed and those that step up rewarded once you sort out the staffing levels.

warby68

Its self fulfilling - when you stop doing what's good for you, you struggle enormously.

I'm glad you can admit it but you need to get back to the therapy and the family - remember above all you're looking for balance, especially in that over-worked brain of yours. 

I am wary of the 'quick fix' rehab - especially planning it for December or something. Get back on the therapy NOW, pay for that to be ramped up if you need to and get that diary out and plan out your time again and stick to it. 

You seem to have reverted to 'knowing better' and 'as long as I'm off cocaine everything will be ok' and you're in what sounds an awful place at the moment. Come on @alt80, use the tools. Get your wife to help.

ladyholly

You son needs his Dad. There will come a time when Dad is not there do you want him to have memories of having a great dad that did things with him or one who was so work focused he didnt have time for him. Try to understand and take on board that what has gone before doesnt matter to him it is what happens in the future. You cannot keep picking up family time and then dropping it because you think a fancy house and stuff that is not needed is more important. Believe me it isnt. You need to be around for your wife and son. Time is far far more precious than money. Ask almost anyone who has lost a parent and most would give anything for another hug, outing, words of wisdom gained over may years. We all know our parents arent perfect (neither are we) but they are the only ones we have. Give him chance to be with you. Granparents and mum are only a substitute. and dont believe him if he says he hates you. Nearly all children say that at some time.
Get back with the programme today you are slipping into a dark place. There are many on here who are a lot more articulate than me listen to what they are telling you.

SanguineGina

Another concerned re talk of the quick fix rehab for stress - it sounds more like you see/need it as a week to escape from everything and everyone, which means that you are overwhelmed and out of whack now.  The quick fix rehab won't solve it, alt, you need to bring the family/work/life balance back yourself and reduce some of the work pressure on your time, and give yourself a bit of breathing space by maybe a half hour or hour of alone time to just be/do nothing/pause.

Don't risk building up resentment in your wife by taking off for a week in rehab to escape.

And great to read that your wife stuck with the planned shopping and didn't overspend/go off plan.

Doing great with your day total - well done.  What is your next planned mini goal and reward?

stymied

Have you asked your senior team if they have capacity to take on more work temporarily? They may surprise you 

alt80

Day 119, 17 weeks today. 

Re house it is buying it. I want to be able to look back when I’m old and say I ticked the box. It’s not about market conditions at a given point in time or other people etc. It’s a personal goal. Appreciate some think it’s bonkers, my family do. They think it would be better for me to pay the additional payment amount off my own home when I can because my wife doesn’t want to move and thinks I’m not good enough for something better, my in-laws think I’m not good enough for something better and my parents think I need to just give up on life.

Have had the ‘I look terrible’ conv with staff. I used to be able to do all this and some more I just can’t work like I used to. Possibly am paranoid about overloading them tbh some have asked if there are things they can do, want to help etc.

Tbh I am taking the approach of staying clean and not spending is all I need to do rn. It’s better than the alternative. Family I’m struggling with not because I don’t want to be with them I’m totally whacked; weekends, we go somewhere and last weekend my wife just left me to sleep in the car. There’s something wrong with me but as usual professionals just say its stress. Not saying it doesn’t have a factor - it does and a break away from everything for a week with just a bit of work would be amazing. Worth the money although not great to be spending 2 months income in a year on it really I know. Did find one in Spain which looks nice and would be better weather in December but it’s a long way to go, cheaper though. Fwiw I do see it as a week to escape from everyone/ everything. The last c10days I was there it was the most peaceful thing I’ve ever experienced absolutely nothing mattered little obligation, money didn’t matter, lovely surroundings, whatever food I wanted etc. it was amazing tbh probably an odd thing to say given the reason I wound up there but I really miss it possibly how some people find holidays are.

efes_shareholder

learn to be satisfied .......................why are you so hell bent on the 7 figure house ? when we leave this world we all leave the same way , with nothing 
Are you aspiring to achieve it so that you can leave it to your son when you depart ? Put him in the same place as your spoon fed mate who loves the sniff and lost his family over it ? 

surely it would be far better to secure the home you have , make getting rid of your mortgage your aspiration and having an enjoyable retirement 

What you want is far exceeding what you need , maybe you like big financial commitments and get a buzz out of meeting them , I don't get why but then why should I as we are clearly not the same