First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Coming to conclusion maybe it isn’t normal for no amount being enough after all I’m the one in counselling for it, my want to ‘own the world at 75ltv’ as my family says comes up regularly with the pros. I think it’s really damaging my health now tbh I’ve been in a really bad way recently thinking I really need to get into a 7 figure house asap no real reason to it other than a bigger commitment. I know it’s stupid to be killing myself over it. Would be nice to not need to buy things all the time or if not buying not be thinking about it. I now have very extensive wish lists which I’ve started to rank in a spreadsheet priority/ necessity thing initially but it’s turned into ranking into levels !!!!!! literally so. Never have got the self worth not related to earnings / buying power but I know my staff earn less than I do and they are generally quite chill about where they rank in the life game. Likewise people here I know some earn less but don’t seem like they are making themselves ill to climb the levels. Not a dig at all but I think life would be !!!!!! amazing if I was someone who could be happy with what I have. Plenty tell me they wish they had my home and there was a time I thought it was made it level but I just see it as confirmation of my own failure to secure a 7 figure place now - i have a really bad mindset.

@KxMx tbf I’ve only slept that long after being awake for days on end so probably wouldn’t happen in normal circumstances.

alt80

@getmore4less ha yeah tbf I find getting ready for bed actually wakes me up lol but 9pm fml not always back from office at that time.

Grumpelstiltskin

alt80 said:

@getmore4less ha yeah tbf I find getting ready for bed actually wakes me up lol but 9pm fml not always back from office at that time.

Right explain to me why you have the need to stay in the office until late in the evening.

You did at one stage read to your son when he went to bed, has that gone by the board?

You still appear to think your office is a much more important place than your home, why?

All this about wanting a more expensive house, why when you spend so little time at home?

theoretica

I wonder if it would help to look at the 'never enough' as some people find it applies to food. Seeking out food, especially calorie dense foods, has an evolutionary explanation from when starvation was a real likelihood.  Were there many obese cavemen?  But in the modern world where getting enough to eat isn't the problem it was back then, the attraction of food can cause problems and needs to be controlled. Many people need to consciously say that yes there is an urge there, but no, we decide not to follow them because the results are not all good.

Kakiste

There is no 'life game.' There is nothing 'to win' These are your own insecurities being disguised as a competitive nature. 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@getmore4less ha yeah tbf I find getting ready for bed actually wakes me up lol but 9pm fml not always back from office at that time.

Well there is an ever bigger problem.

You are not productive with silly hours and a clear sign you are letting important business planning go out the window again.

Along with family neglect which is why you feel the need to buy stuff to make up for it.

What I don't understand is why this need for a £1m house has stayed at £1m for a very long time.

With HPI wait a bit yours will be worth £1m

That £1m house 5 years ago is probably £1.5m now so clearly is nothing to do with the property just the price.

warby68

Some quite noticeable steps backwards in your thinking or at least the problem stuff seems to be taking over again

You are in competition with noone but yourself, that's why its endless.

Are you keeping up with ALL the therapy, support and techniques - I was wondering if it was slipping a bit with all the time working? 

alt80

Day 118. 17 weeks tomorrow. No matter what I don’t want to lose this count I haven’t kept off it entirely for this long in a very long time. I know what a bit leads to and I know I don’t ever want to go there again. By some miracle done same thing with spending, not touched it - thought about it and worked it through to come to conclusion it was stupid. Realise this is basic stuff for most of the population to keep away from this stuff but I didn’t manage to for a long time. 

@Grumpelstiltskin office - it’s a habit tbh into the evening I start thinking just 5 more mins, just do x/y/z etc. Also things are busy but it’s a bit dumb staying in the building really. Son’s bedtime I’ve had to avoid recently, just find it too difficult brings a lot of regrets up. My Mrs does it better anyway. Re home / office - I need to make the most of things there is lots of work still and if I don’t move up a level with my home over this decade of my life I’m concerned I’ll never do it. I have already lost a good 5 years and losing more time currently with payback for stupidity in my 30s. 

@theoretica I’m fairly sensible with food generally but iswyacf I have never had enough money and I can’t think of a level that I can truthfully say I think I could say to myself I have enough. Comes up with pros a lot but I’m not really getting anywhere. Ultimately I can’t say I’m ok with this level or if I do I force it for a bit but always come back to where I am not good enough and need more.

@Kakiste I am over simplifying it but pros say something similar. What is there to win for me I want to be at a point where I can sit back and say I did ok when I’m older.

@getmore4less I agree mate, there’s a lot of work. If I’m not at the office I’m bringing it home, trying to fit family in a bit but the opportunities are too good rn. Slowly getting somewhere with getting a few more staff on board/ trained up but it’s a bit of a slow burner and I don’t like saying no to work coming in also would rather work myself into the ground than work my staff so hard they either burn out and off with stress or !!!!!!. Don’t get me wrong they are putting the work in but with staff there’s a balance which I’m sure you appreciate. They like their hols/ work life balance etc. so targets have to be challenging but realistic just a fact ykwim.

Home - yeah it’s the purchase price tbf. I want to make a 7 figure purchase. Not just going to do it for any place, will have to like it but making a 7 figure purchase, that’s next level for me. Might mean nothing to some but it does for me.

@warby68 I haven’t been able to do all the therapy etc. It’s very consuming. I do some and taking the approach so long as I don’t !!!!!! up my count or start thinking seriously about it.

ladyholly

You need to get back to the therapy. Read over the last weeks and you will see that you are not in a good place. You worry about your physical health but your mental health is just as important and worrying about stuff that at this point doesnt matter is not good for you. I know leaving work is hard for you but you need to have a cutoff point and get back to doing things with your son. You seemed to be getting a lot of pleasure from those simple things like reading to him or letting him read to you. It dooesnt take that long and helps you to have a quiet time with him where you can talk about his day etc.

alt80

@ladyholly I’m not in a great place tbh have considered if I feel like this for a month after I get back from Greece going back to rehab for one week- they do stress relief retreat week for returning clients it’s not just for drugs, can be general stress. Because it’s one to one can still do some work around the therapeutic elements. Limited but December always quieter work wise. Food is amazing and access to spa available now we’re out of lockdown. Don’t think insurance will part fund so just do one week as it’s really expensive.

I do enjoy spending time with my son but also find sometimes it makes me think about the past/ regrets/ emotional upset basically. No good for anyone.