First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@RelievedSheff I’m amazed how well she’s done tbh whilst iswyacf her effort def 100% deserves something. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff I’m amazed how well she’s done tbh whilst iswyacf her effort def 100% deserves something. 

No it doesn't. And if you buy her something she will just think she can buy herself something next time.

You can't have it both ways.

alt80

@RelievedSheff I want to reward her tbh I don’t think she’s ever been into town, bought some planned gifts and gone home. Tbf I def haven’t haha. Appreciate it may be nothing to you but she’s surpassed all my expectations. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff I want to reward her tbh I don’t think she’s ever been into town, bought some planned gifts and gone home. Tbf I def haven’t haha. Appreciate it may be nothing to you but she’s surpassed all my expectations. 

So tell her so and leave it at that.

Buying her a gift will send exactly the wrong message.

theoretica

I see both sides - the solution seems to be to do something nice for her that isn't buying. Besides, you have no access to cash.  Cook a special breakfast?

getmore4less

RelievedSheff said:

Do not treat her to something. That completely misses and undermines the point 😒

Agree you don't reward people for stopping doing things they should not be doing in the first place.

Same with son  rewarding with a top range phone if he stops hitting you.

Would you give a bonus to one of your staff if they stopped being consistently late and started coming in on time.

strawb_shortcake

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff I want to reward her tbh I don’t think she’s ever been into town, bought some planned gifts and gone home. Tbf I def haven’t haha. Appreciate it may be nothing to you but she’s surpassed all my expectations. 

It's a normal behaviour to stick to budget stick to plan. Rewarding her for sticking to behaviours you asked her to, to reset and rebalance your lifestyle.
If you treat her to something financially expensive you are undoing her efforts today. Going forward if she's got a budget of £400 for presents, then you have to plan an extra £100+ everytime she sticks to budget as that's what you are teaching her.
Let her know your glad she's on plan, but you really don't need to do anything else.

Legs21

Agree with everyone one else. It’s like rehab people buying you drugs as a present/reward for staying off drugs 

Hazelnutty

alt80 said:

Re tests I wasn’t in a good place and believing I had what I thought trusting a GP on a whim wasn’t going to ease any concerns. Possibly should have, wife pointed out lunchtime I’d be angry if someone doubted my judgement without any reason to on a unit. 

This is really insightful from your wife. Flipping the situation is a really good tool to check whether your response/interpretation is reasonable. If only more people actually did it we'd all be better off. 

alt80

I see where people are coming from. I did have an idea to break a card out of where I keep them and buy her something nice as a reward for a top job today. On and off for past few hours been thinking between jobs whether to get her something in town as a surprise or take her to Birmingham either buy some jewellery or something from Selfridges on Saturday. We've not even been to the shops really since lockdown and not even planning to buy anything for myself but 100% I've got the urge to spend a couple of £k. Miss it now I've started thinking about it. Though it's !!!!!! ridiculous really saying to her here's a £2k/ maybe £3k reward for not spending effectively and no I wouldn't be giving staff bonus for turning up and nothing else haha fml. Need to get off the shops websites and go home really.

@Hazelnutty definitely made me think 100% lol.