First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@annabanana82 reminiscing life on coke here I know and 100% shouldn’t be but I can tell you I wasn’t absolutely !!!!!! done for every night. Precovid lockdown I worked more, had more stamina rn I could go to sleep not even 10pm so whacked it’s unreal. 

Not thought about advent in that way had just thought she was trying to be nice idk maybe you’re right. 

@theoretica iswyacf lot of time I would go a day and a half/ two days sometimes no sleep, few hours and back into work etc. probably isn’t normal either tbf just hate how tired I am and GP won’t give me anything. Fobbed off with my under eye skin being ‘stress’ I’ve no medical qual but 100% you don’t get stress under your !!!!!! eye this is the private one too. Can’t !!!!!! win.

theoretica

But you weren't doing much productive work, were you - making messes, sorting them out and coasting.  You say your business is now doing really well.  One step forward at a time is much better than 2 steps forward and 1.5 (or more) backwards and feeling like you are doing a lot when you are going nowhere because you are running around in circles.

And I believe the people who are medically qualified.

alt80

Things are going a lot better staff productivity and profits up. I know being on the stuff was no good for me my brain tricks me into thinking it was sometimes.

re medical professionals I’m sure when you see them for a health problem they don’t feel the need to basically ask if you’ve been using cocaine or not. It’s !!!!!! obvious what they are trying to say. When my wife has a health problem they sort it but when I do it’s ‘stress’ or lay off the stimulants and don’t drink too much coffee I’m not even !!!!!! joking went with a cancer scare told cut the coffee back no scan no proper tests just don’t drink too much coffee. How they can be trusted after that idk. That was nhs I did get my tests privately but wasn’t cheap, tbh I should have got them for peace of mind.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Things are going a lot better staff productivity and profits up. I know being on the stuff was no good for me my brain tricks me into thinking it was sometimes.

re medical professionals I’m sure when you see them for a health problem they don’t feel the need to basically ask if you’ve been using cocaine or not. It’s !!!!!! obvious what they are trying to say. When my wife has a health problem they sort it but when I do it’s ‘stress’ or lay off the stimulants and don’t drink too much coffee I’m not even !!!!!! joking went with a cancer scare told cut the coffee back no scan no proper tests just don’t drink too much coffee. How they can be trusted after that idk. That was nhs I did get my tests privately but wasn’t cheap, tbh I should have got them for peace of mind.

I thought you said the NHS  professionals got it right.

alt80

Day 117, up early again. Sleep wasn’t as easy but def was asleep before midnight and awake 5.45am no alarm idk what’s happening to me but I’ll take it. Someone on here said ages ago maybe am a morning person haha idk maybe I am only time I seem to wake with no alarm. Going to get on with my day bonus few hours ha. 

Wife is going to buy some agreed Christmas/ birthday gifts for son today not going to deny I’m concerned it’s going to turn into nothing agreed at all she tells me not but who !!!!!! knows. Like to think she does know I’m serious about sticking with the agreed but who knows.

@getmore4less yes, they were ultimately right but I was going out of my mind up for nights on end for weeks reading medical journals. Massively affecting my work. Told them I was really !!!!!! anxious about it too and couldn’t just let it be on their say so without hard evidence to the contrary, paranoid they were wrong and you do regularly hear about people in the news, done serious !!!!!! research etc. basically got you’re off your head on stimulants did I cut the coffee and do I need help with drugs. I wasn’t there for that probably should have been but they didn’t support my actual concern whatsoever.

alt80

Possibly shouldn’t be reading this stuff but just read two articles about stress causing structural changes to the brain and increasing risk of all sorts of medical conditions idk I’ve not really wanted to spend or anything else in a while but had a few minutes of a !!!!!! it mindset got straight onto the coping mechanisms worked to a point. Read stuff like that and wonder what the future is panicking could get ill before reaching next level or one after, always been concerned about time but not as much as now being on the payback.

SanguineGina

It's a bit bonkers, alt, that you are resentful of the NHS for not wasting their resources doing tests that weren't actually needed when you had what you thought was a cancer scare.

Your own anxiety and paranoia were the culprit and reason why you spent your own resources on tests to put your mind at rest instead of accepting and trusting that the NHS doctor was right.

Peace of mind = worth it? Great - then you spent your money positively and the NHS didn't waste theirs.

As you manage your health anxiety in the future, why not try a 2 step approach of 1, consulting the NHS first and then if you are unable or unwilling to accept/trust their diagnosis, then 2, pay for private tests etc to confirm/ reassure yourself.

So much better than building up and holding onto a shed load of resentment.

Well done for being on day whatever it is of your recovery and 3 months is nowhere near enough time for your body, mind and soul to have rebalanced after years of drug abuse. So it is no wonder that you are still out of kilter with sleep and energy levels etc.

Eating well, working, resting, exercising and and playing well will go a long way towards being healthy☺

RelievedSheff

Well done on getting to Day 117.

You clearly still have a long way to go with your recovery but you will get there one day at a time.

Keep up the hard work and try to chill out and relax. Easier said than done for you I know. 

warby68

Well done on the count

Your thought patterns clearly have a long way to go but thankfully the one that says I'm not losing this count at any price is winning. Hope you get to an easier stage soon. I suspect the holiday is messing with you as it does seem a really bad run.

The NHS and health stuff is all mis-placed you know but I understand anxiety distorts your thinking.

It was me (and probably others) who said you might be a morning person. You definitely do better when you sleep and wake earlier.

Of course your wife preferred the calendar made with love not money. Are you really not seeing this yet without it being pointed out all the time?

alt80

@SanguineGina It was affecting my work, I told them that but they didn’t do anything other than tell me to maybe take a few days off and an offer of counselling when I’d already told them I wanted the tests and taking time away from work would do nothing. It was them who mentioned drugs I’d not said a thing about that for whatever reason they’d come to the conclusion they were dealing with a cokehead. Was what it was, in the past now and should just put it behind me I know. Had insurance since but they can be a bit funny about what tests they will and won’t do I’ve found when requested. So I am resentful of how they deal with it. Not saying it’s NHS v private care issue tbh I’m thinking about calling NHS one about my eye as the video one through insurance was dismissive and it’s still not getting much better. Might get to see the NHS one in person and I haven’t got addiction on my NHS record. Fwiw I think the NHS generally does brilliant work and appreciate they have limited resources. I know it’s nothing properly serious but this eye thing is tripping me off a bit and so is the way they treat me. Wife thinks I’m just being a !!!!!! for the sake of it but she’s never had this sort of treatment from people who are meant to look after you.

@RelievedSheff thank you I 100% don’t want to !!!!!! up where I am now.