First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 114 through. I’m getting to the weekend and crashing most weeks recently. Tried to make an effort for my family just so !!!!!! tired wife left me asleep in the car fml. Chronic !!!!!! burn out I think. Went into office for a couple of hours this afternoon and went for dinner out with family this evening. Def ate too much still don’t feel right now. Bit of a spend over the day totalled £120. 

I got invited to a black tie event this morning too; I’d forgotten things like that existed tbh haha. Not going to it really don’t want to and know it would likely be a massive mistake on the recovery front also. Wife knows about it and said she’s ok with not going wants me to stay away etc.

@sarahevie1 thank you iswyacf probably I would say something similar to someone else tbf. To be blunt as some of the things I say possibly does just sound like I’m being a bit of a doormat but probably the only thing I have going for me is earning fairly well for NG standards and I know my Mrs has put up with more than most would over the years just how it is and I can’t change the past. Definitely not proud of myself though and can’t say I’m pleased about the environment my boy was in during his first years either it wasn’t right and it was my fault. Nothing will ever make up for my behaviour over the years know that much can’t really buy my way out of it but some days I try suppose it’s the hope that I might make peace with myself or something idk. Too !!!!!! deep for a Saturday night before bed anyway.

@ladyholly haha probably where my mum got it from then.

Rn I don’t really like doing much just working/ being at home/ in my garden/ walks etc you’ll probably !!!!!! laugh at this one but don’t mind going to my in-laws my son loves spending time with his grandparents and it’s nice to see him with them - they have a great relationship. 

Re the iPhone different generations I think lol my in-laws said something similar. Tbh he winds it in for 6 months and I’ll be happy to get him the phone. 

@Kakiste I know he needs to grow out of it now. Used him being a junior now which he seems fairly responsive to. Crossed my mind re my Mrs think he’s had more time on her new phone than she has tbh he’s !!!!!! glued to it, already got his games on it fml. 

Unfortunately he knows the models so I’m not going to get away with keeping an older phone back to give him, it’d be world war !!!!!! 3 but iswyacf probably does sound mad but I worry about him starting out when he’s older can tell you that. Idk I wasn’t around enough to know he could be such a brat prelockdown but he can be. He did get an award for being kind at school and he always wants to sponsor a donkey or whatever though haha.

Legs21

Have you had a deep and meaningful conversation with your wife about how you were in the past and how much you regret your behaviour towards her and how buying her treats/presents was your way of making up for it? Have you also asked her how she felt about you when you were off your nut on coke and why she stayed with you? If she can forgive you then it may go some way to you forgiving yourself. 

Re: Phone for your son. Buy/give him an older model and tell him that if he proves he can be responsible (as he’s almost a grown up) and proves he can look after it, next year you will buy him a new one.

Stop working so hard. It messes with your head too much. Complete brain drain is no good for you. Give yourself sufficient down time to recharge your batteries. 

Persevere with your sister and don’t criticise her way of life. Just learn to appreciate that different people have different priorities. If we were all the same it would be boring. She’ll soon come round. 

Day 115 ✅ You’re smashing this right out of the ball park 😉

RelievedSheff

I think Legs21 has a good point about sitting down  and having a proper chat with your wife. It will help you both.

Day 115. You've got this in the bag 😀

stymied

You can still buy your wife gifts, they just need to be smaller, less frequent and budgeted for. Plus your wife needs an equivalent budget else it’s ‘I can buy things for you but you can’t buy things for yourself / me’. An unexpected bunch of flowers, bubble bath, pretty notebook, something small from her wish list (<£50?) may be appreciated depending on what she likes. No more high end purses and bags - they were old life and not really wanted as you found out from how many were sold with no pain.

theoretica

alt80 said:

Re the iPhone different generations I think lol my in-laws said something similar. Tbh he winds it in for 6 months and I’ll be happy to get him the phone. 

I suggest it is made clear from the start that if he does get a phone for good behaviour the behaviour must be maintained and it will locked away for a period following any incidents. 

Though from what you say of his use, an ipod sounds a more sensible choice.

alt80

Day 115 through thanks. I’ve not been too well today worn down sleeping on and off all day after an awful night’s sleep. Managed to get some sort of issue with my skin under eye Mrs got me on the !!!!!! CT magic cream fml hoping it does the trick and I don’t wind up with something wrong with my eye. Moved my Monday plans to end of week and planned a day in home office tomorrow don’t think I’ll be up to driving. Def not been spending today though FIL did BBQ rather than roast probably be one of last for 2021. Got my tea and will be having an early night keep the better habits even when struggling with sleep.

@Legs21 Wife and I have talked a lot through pros and just at home. Trying to make a proper go of it some ways like we’ve not that long met. She knows I’m struggling with the mindset/ building self worth element of recovery. It’s an important element which can lead to relapse, I know why 100%.

I can’t work like I used to, you’re right about that. Hate I can’t do it anymore tbh.

alt80

@stymied ha I can’t unless I want to be !!!!!! around with company money. At some point I do need to sort personal access out really but I’m not right now it’s not worth it. She’s still got some bags but not the collection she had - lot did go unused/ practically unused tbf.

@theoretica I didn’t even know iPods were still a thing haha? He had an iPad and won’t be getting that upgraded until the Christmas after next - it will be 3 years old at that point and an iPad these days lasts about that long imo. 

alt80

Starting day 116 off early been up a little while already. Was asleep at a sensible hour for once def would have been before 11. Woke up no alarm 5.40am. Wish this was the case everyday normally if I get to sleep by 1am I’m doing well. 

Still something wrong with my eye will do virtual appt today. Don’t like having a !!!!!! video GP appt - I’m not sure it is ideal but I don’t want to pay anything for it either. Read news article this morning people waiting for serious sounding ops with NHS I couldn’t do that I’d be in a complete state hate being ill and tbf my healthcare isn’t too bad I don’t think, lucky really.

Petrol crisis bothering me said to wife I think we need to do as little mileage in the Range Rover as possible until petrol is back at the pumps. Bit worried about it tbh but know we’re in a better place than most with the EQC had we not got that I’d be definitely panicking. 

Apart from food not going to be spending any money idk not even sure I want to, still things I like but avoided it for 116 days now actually is a bit longer for spending no access to personal money for 116 days maybe for the best indefinitely like to think not but it’s not worth !!!!!! myself for a little bit of a buzz.

enthusiasticsaver

Good morning alt80 and well done on getting to 116. Video calling not ideal but doctors can see way more patients that way so I think that may be here to stay. My husband and I were terrified when hearing about waiting lists on NHS when he was diagnosed with a serious heart problem last Tuesday but he was admitted to hospital the same day and due to have open heart surgery tomorrow so they doing urgent stuff still.

Bet you are smiling you have that electric car with all the silly panic buying of fuel. We not really having trouble down here but my mum queued for 2 hours in the South East yesterday to put £30 of fuel in her big Audi as that is all they would give her.Have a good day. 

RelievedSheff

No point panicking about the fuel situation. Not a lot you can do about it. Could be worse. You could be doing a road trip 🤣🤣🤣

Well done on getting to day 116.