First Steps to Solvency

warby68

@alt80 you have to get used to smaller spend tokens of appreciation and love, things that come from existing budgets too and not a credit black hole. Most of all, expressing your appreciation with words and deeds and not money. Its not your go to, but its well worth working on. We can see your wife wants to be appreciated not bought.

I suggested mutual fragrances at the right point as its small scale luxury and a traditional 'love' gift. 

Its getting to that middle ground again, not no gifts ever but definitely not gifts of thousands to try and express what you struggle to say in words. Even more definitely, not rewarding NO excessive spending with EVEN MORE excessive spending.

Well done for working through it and resisting. So many skewed trains of thought still bother you so keep vigilant and do the pause before acting thing which seems to be working. 

Jellytotts

Showing her how proud you are of her by spending money you don’t have doesn’t make any sense.

“I’m so proud you didn’t spend more than we agreed so here, I’ve extended our debt by a few more months to show you I care”

All that would show me is a very hollow and superficial pride.

A gesture of an unexpected cup of tea with a hug and a “so proud of you” comment would make most people’s day. 

Your mindset seems to have shifted backwards lately, there’s lots of the old Alt phrases and mannerisms creeping back in.

RelievedSheff

Alt when your body is telling you it is tired go to bed. Don't try to fight sleep, it is your bodies way of telling you it needs rest.

No shame in going to bed early. We were in bed at 9pm last night.

ladyholly

If its any help I find battling through natural end of day tiredness and keeping going give me a worse nights sleep than if I go to sleep when my body tells me to.

alt80

Day 118. Had an absolutely awful nights sleep, eye is a bit better though.

@Purplelady65 like the e-card thing some of my staff would like that not ten awards though the staff:reward ratio would be far too high haha.

@getmore4less you don’t surprise me re London - Nottingham is no different just a bit less busy ha. I don’t know what to think about covid anymore tbh.

alt80

@warby68 I know it’s me with the addiction problem. Woke up this morning wanting to !!!!!! it all. I’m not going to but I miss being able to buy things. The work with the pros goes so far, reading about how people like me !!!!!! up the next generation also does. Makes me want to throw myself off a bridge too but then I read about how that affects kids. Next one is absence that’s no good for them either. Why I like to see him playing with my wife, his mates from school and my in-laws reminds me he’s generally a happy kid despite me. None of it stops the craving though. I’m not even talking about drugs - I’m hyper vigilant of creeping back into that, it’s the making enough money none of this matters. I’ve read about the people so addicted to it they wind up doing anything to get it. I don’t want to end up like that but I can see how people very easily slip into it, one of the only things I’m proud of is I run a legitimate business and I look after my staff but it’s never going to make me properly rich. You’re right and so is @Jellytotts about my spending, ultimately it pains me that it matters I don’t want a couple of £k to matter - all it says to me is I’ve not done well enough. 

@RelievedSheff / @ladyholly I think you’re both right re sleep. Not even sure why I fight it probably something else self destructive.

RelievedSheff

Try just going to bed when you are tired. I'm certain you will sleep better for it.

alt80

@RelievedSheff problem is I’ll be in bed for some stupid early time I’ve had the 15 hour sleeps before and know that’s not normal either. When that’s happened, the very long sleep makes me worse than not sleeping tbh.

KxMx

If you go to bed early then set an alarm so you don't sleep for 15 hours, if you feel that isn't beneficial for you. 

getmore4less

Another trick with the early sleeps is get into a bed time routine early so you can just go from where you are feeling sleepy straight to bed, not start a routine that inevitably wakes you up.

All the change, washy, brushy teeth type activities get them out the way by say 9pm then you can just go to bed when feeling ready.