First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

I really don't think you should surprise your son with a phone - not least because it would be a horrible thing to do to your wife: first get her to agree to say no phone and then undermine that (even if you talk it over with her) and produce a phone after all.  You have said no to your son - part of being a trusted parent is standing by your word.

ladyholly

Please dont get your son the phone. It will send him all the wrong messages. II.E. it doesnt matter what I do Dad will get me what I want. Not to mention an eight year old does not need an expensive phone.

He has to learn that No means No. It is  a hard lesson but we all have to learn it sometime and the sooner the better.

RelievedSheff

Day 110.

I agree with the others. Do not get you son the phone. He needs to understand boundaries.

SanguineGina

Don't miss the opportunity whilst you are over in Greece visiting your parents to have a tales from their past session with your parents, alt, - what they remember about their childhood, parents and grandparents etc so the family history isn't lost for your son.

Could be a winter Jan/Feb project for you and your son - setting out his family tree; keep it simple and basic at first as your son is so young - i.e start with him, you and your wife as his parents, his grandparents and then their parents, add dates of birth and maybe a photo of each person etc to make the tree colourful - would have 4 generations including your son really easily to start with.  

Agree completely with the others re getting him the phone - don't do it, wrong signals etc

And omg that letter from your mate! Glad you resisted the manipulation and saw the 'will stay clean for life if we meet' for what it was - an ill disguised invite for one last session.  Sounds like he really wants to wreck your recovery.

Glad you are on day 110 !

alt80

Day 110, round numbers always feel good lol. Cold start to the morning here.

@enthusiasticsaver My parents do enjoy their work, they are just tired I think both into their 70s reckon they’re struggling to keep up idk it’s sad don’t see my parents as being that old but they are lot of people their age wouldn’t be working and it’s harder work than anyone who hasn’t done it thinks. They’ve been doing a lot of walking mainly they’ve got no money so aren’t going to start travelling outside Greece/ south Europe but apparently that’s what they want to spend more time doing. They want to have visited as many Greek islands as possible, they are all slightly different and also see some of the northern part of the Mainland as they’ve only really visited a bit of that part. I don’t think they’ll like what some of the islands they visited many years ago have become tbh.

I did enjoy the lockdown it was good to me; prior to it I really wasn’t thinking straight much of the time look back and I know I was a total !!!!!! mess and had been for a while. Not even sure how I was functioning pre lockdown tbh I was so !!!!!! paranoid generally really wasn’t well. Convinced myself only thing getting me through was what was really !!!!!! with my head. Idk just have to put it behind me and move on.

@theoretica/ @ladyholly/ @RelievedSheff I don’t think I should be buying it for him tbf just feel a bit bad because I know he wants it.

alt80

@SanguineGina my parents really did grow up in a different era lol, think my son would like that actually. All in-laws are from around here. My mum and dad moved around a lot both from the north east originally but spent time in London, South Yorkshire, Warwickshire, Worcestershire, Gloucestershire and been in Greece longer than they ever spent in one place in the UK.

Yeah he’s a !!!!!! nightmare tbh.

Grumpelstiltskin

' Because I know he wants it.'

He must learn now there is a difference between want and need, he doesn't need a brand new I Phone.

 I know he will see his mother gets one, but at 8 he will end up getting mugged for it.

 I know at the moment he doesn't go out on his own, but he will and the local low lifes will know who has a phone worth stealing.

 Plus despite what he might say he won't be the only one in his class who doesn't have the newest phone.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Day 110, round numbers always feel good lol. Cold start to the morning here.

@enthusiasticsaver My parents do enjoy their work, they are just tired I think both into their 70s reckon they’re struggling to keep up idk it’s sad don’t see my parents as being that old but they are lot of people their age wouldn’t be working and it’s harder work than anyone who hasn’t done it thinks. They’ve been doing a lot of walking mainly they’ve got no money so aren’t going to start travelling outside Greece/ south Europe but apparently that’s what they want to spend more time doing. They want to have visited as many Greek islands as possible, they are all slightly different and also see some of the northern part of the Mainland as they’ve only really visited a bit of that part. I don’t think they’ll like what some of the islands they visited many years ago have become tbh.

I did enjoy the lockdown it was good to me; prior to it I really wasn’t thinking straight much of the time look back and I know I was a total !!!!!! mess and had been for a while. Not even sure how I was functioning pre lockdown tbh I was so !!!!!! paranoid generally really wasn’t well. Convinced myself only thing getting me through was what was really !!!!!! with my head. Idk just have to put it behind me and move on.

@theoretica/ @ladyholly/ @RelievedSheff I don’t think I should be buying it for him tbf just feel a bit bad because I know he wants it.

If he wants it that badly start giving him jobs around the house to do and pocket money for doing the jobs and he can save for it.

warby68

110 days - sounds like a film about a war which I suppose it is. Great number now.

Brand new iPhone simply not suitable for his age. He only wants it because of what his mum (and you) talk about. Has he even had a basic or old phone yet to get used to not losing it? You feel bad because your mind still goes first to the spend/best of everything/I don't give them enough view rather than your responsible parent hat which is still fairly new. If he wanted a Swiss Army Knife (which mine did) would you get him that at 7/8?

Your mate is most definitely not your mate. The only good thing he offers is to show you where you never want to go again.

alt80

Day 110 and managed to do month end finances and pay off additional £1730. We’ve not spent much this month at all and when we’ve been out it’s been cheap. Also using EQC quite a bit for local journeys keeping the miles off the Range Rover a bit. In a really good place with the cards - balance of £26,775 over 3 cards. Cleared Sainsbury’s one this month 4 months before the 0% was due. I’m proud of that first time I’ve been that far ahead personally and all on me choosing right path for once in my life. Big thanks to people on here too keeping me on track and my Mrs not going too mad. Next deadline is October 2022. Know the next few months I’m not going to be clearing at this rate.

Total cleared this month - £3160.
Total left owing - £26775.

We set aside £1430 for card payments per month, told my Mrs we need to get this below £25k next month. 

Have been reflecting on where I was this time last year £40k on the credit cards, hadn’t fully kept up with the 0% deadlines so a bit of it was interest baring and better than it had been prior to lockdown 1. £2450/m going out on car finance to £1220/m and a bit of liability shifted onto business. Was also in a massive hole with development block all because I couldn’t pluck the courage to sort a further advance. Portfolio was on the last !!!!!! chance saloon all from my personal inability to keep my wallet in my pocket. Few points I’ve been so !!!!!! paranoid I’d convince myself the lenders had people following me about/ in my office/ round my house/ all sorts it was !!!!!! horrendous. Look back and think fml they’ve got a lot bigger fish to fry than me, that was !!!!!! ridiculous, only told my wife the full story of how !!!!!! my head has been when I was in rehab. 2018/19 I really wasn’t well I look back with a clear head and idk how I got through 100% I think BoJo locking us all down saved my life.

No one regrets how I spent the last years of my 30s and first 6 nearly 7 years of my son’s life more than I do. I hadn’t been ok for a long time, always managed to just about pull it together enough in business but I know people weren’t as blind to it as I liked to think at the time. Lot of people on here have made me think about things a lot, hated it sometimes but idk maybe I knew it could be good for me never really had much in the way of a critical voice in my life or where I have I’ve ignored it. I hate myself for the years I’ve wasted coasting in business, getting into such severe amounts of personal debt my business had to bail me out and getting into further significant personal debt straight after. I genuinely believe had I carried on the road I was going down pre-lockdown I’m not sure I’d be here now. I know I’ve said often enough that I don’t believe in god but I thank him every night I manage to stay away from the destructive stuff and that I’ve managed to keep my business, my home and my family. I know people aren’t so lucky and better people have been through worse than I have but I still crave the next level and the one after that and the one 7 further away always will I think, it’s an addiction I’ve managed to get no respite from.

@Grumpelstiltskin I know you and the others are right. I’d still like to be able to give him the best though. 

I’ve been up to Mansfield area today, fml I’m sure you know what it’s like round there. It’s really !!!!!! rough generally for anyone who doesn’t know NG. Anyway a few nicer places on way home Ravenshead etc middle of !!!!!! nowhere but I wonder if it would be better for my boy. I look back and I was going out walking etc on my own at his age no care in world, parents had no care in the world about us kids. Nothing around that was why def no worries about being mugged etc. I !!!!!! hated being in the middle of nowhere was but maybe that’s what kids need idk. Can’t say I really want to live somewhere rural, nice to visit but if I didn’t have him I wouldn’t think about moving further out of town I don’t think.

One another note we are still just about enjoying the chard and some lettuce too, thank you.

@RelievedSheff he’s going on the pocket money with options to top it up with jobs around the house from when he’s 8. Tbh I’ll be surprised if he does much - can be a nightmare when asked to do chores etc. No money is enough haha. 

@warby68 haha thank you. 

He has the current iPad and his previous one. Tbf look ed after this one a lot better. Last one he wrecked. He’s played on phones but not had his own. Idk they do have them I know not the 1980s anymore, part of life. I do want him to have the best of everything it’s unrealistic I know ups and downs of life etc needs to understand that’s how the world works, not always a yes or easy to get what you want. Smiling at the knife inappropriate at that age I agree but thinking what on earth were you talking about if your kids wanted a knife for their birthday present haha. Not to say my son hasn’t ever requested something strange though tbf lol.