First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Day 107 through. Stayed in, not a lot to say have been struggling today generally had a really weird dream woke up with the I should have not asked my Mrs to marry me should have let her find someone better thoughts. Kept busy through the day. Distracted from it a bit. Glad I don’t turn to the destructive habits and haven’t for 107 days now I’m over 100 no way I want to go back to 1 ha think about it enough but I’m staying on the right track. 

Have read posts re cars some made me smile thanks. 

Off to bed with my tea now, listen to my book.

Legs21

You’re still in the early stages of recovery and will have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. Just see it for what it was and move on. Don’t dwell on it or today will be a bad day too. Refuse to have a bad day today. You are strong, you can do this. 

Welcome to day 108. Make it a good one 🙂

RelievedSheff

Day 108. Hope it is a better one for you. 

As above you will have good days and bad days, we all do. The trick is not to dwell on the bad ones and to look ahead to the good days.

alt80

Day 108, up early for me on a Sunday. Not had the best nights sleep. Was going to confirm an end of year on the finances looked at it a few times this morning quite !!!!!! ashamed i spent a lot of money doing rehab got out and just ignored it all, wound up in the position I did. Getting there now and still have the pros on board but still ashamed where I’ve got myself in life. Only just keeping up with work ran on empty and stimulants for so many years actually said to wife yesterday I’ve really damaged myself getting to where I am in business and not even doing that well in the grand scheme of things.

RelievedSheff

STOP IT! 😡

You are doing well. You are in the top few percent of earners. How much higher do you think you can actually go?

You have to stop this stupid habit of thinking you are no good. It won't get you anywhere other than back on the drugs and back to square one.

Give it a rest. 

Sun_Addict

Alt I wish you could recognise that you’re a successful business man with a business that’s thriving. You’re starting to enjoy spending time with your wife and son. Plus you’ve managed to go for 108 days clean with no intentions of going back. If that’s not doing well then I don’t know what is. You should be proud of yourself not ashamed. You need to stop overthinking.

alt80

Day 108 through. Not been great same as yesterday, concentrated on getting some jobs done, out with family etc. Going to go to bed by 11pm. Every time I look at the numbers I know the debt I’m in and have been in previously is due to my !!!!!! twisted mind. Should spend time with family nah I’ll buy some !!!!!! to give them instead. Not being honest I couldn’t offer her a footballer’s lifestyle !!!!!! ridiculous looking at it now I haven’t touched the !!!!!! loopy powder for quite a while. I’m lucky it’s not worked out worse tbh !!!!!! blessed to just be on a few years payback, not really lost anything. Very thankful for being in a position I don’t need to look at the figures constantly- plan on track just ticks away. Big thanks to being on here. Don’t really count losing the cars my wife hated the 440i and the f-type but the MG think it’s the first car she’s loved amazing to see how much she loves that little car and my son loves it too. It’s great to see them enjoying it as well as me enjoying it. I def want to buy it. Tbh I know how I used to drive couldn’t have been pleasant to be in. Son always used to ask for mummy to drive and I don’t enjoy driving how I used to and not pleased how much money I’ve wasted on sports cars that I drove in anger basically. Still love my Range Rover- I’m not completely cured haha it’s a relaxing car to be in and to drive. EQC big surprise though I like it. If you’d told me this time last year I’d be happy with that trio I’d have told you to !!!!!! right off. 

Wife said I’m doing well, doesn’t want me to think she’s just with me for a lifestyle not said she cares about me in a long time but did today. Meant a lot. 

@RelievedSheff I’m really struggling with the self worth side of recovery and am conscious the type of thinking I have can lead to relapse. Wife asked me how much is enough, what point is made it my problem get somewhere and there’s another rung to climb in my head I’m not good enough if I’m not there. It’s mental really driven me to a point but also caused me a lot of pain I know that through therapy etc. Wish I could be like you happy generally also causes a lot of guilt as I know I’m better off than most of the population but still not close to thinking in my own head I’m good enough. 

@Sun_Addict I am trying to improve and definitely no intention of going back. I am proud I’ve not turned back tbh although I shouldn’t have been where I was in the first place with addiction. 

Willowtree222

If this was one of your friends and they told you they were 108 days without, still had a business and family and felt like you did, what do you think you’d say to him? I’m pretty sure it would be along the lines of what we all say to you. 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at it from others eyes. 

She does care, staying with you shows that. 

Have a good week Alt. 

RelievedSheff

Day 109 and the start of a fresh week.

Onwards and upwards  

alt80

Day 109, going to be a quieter start to the week. Plan to finish work 3pm and pick son up with wife and go for a walk with our dog before dinner at the in-laws. They wanted to see all of us tbh will be good for me to have a shorter day for once. 

Apart from food shop, should be no spend. 

@Willowtree222 iswyacf easier to forgive others than yourself though lol. I think she deserves someone who can give her everything. Right now I can’t and idk if I’m running out of time and energy to get to the next level.