First Steps to Solvency

stymied

What are you planning on doing about beauty advent calendars this year @alt80? Just seen that the adverts for them have started.

alt80

Day 104, 15 weeks tomorrow. Sat down this evening at the table for dinner first time I thought I'm doing ok in recovery, still on the road so that's doing ok so far as I'm concerned. Not thinking about it all the time and if I am, I'm using the techniques from the pros. Also been thinking about personal finances a lot with wife. Must have got the message across she made me laugh this evening, apparently come to the realisation she's 'in her 30s' haha. Busy with work generally, couple of new guys and a new grad, looking like 1 more coming on board too. Had a bit of an odd discussion with someone I've always looked up to in business but has taken decision to wind down a bit despite only being c10yrs older than me. He said a lot of things similar to people on here, not all about material goals, need to assess why I want x/y/z etc./ life not about being the best in the business so long as things are right. Idk it was a strange conversation, can ruin yourself being overcommitted / find things outside of business, enjoy family more etc. I was honest about not always having had a clear head in the past, being in recovery and having a lot of business and personal financial commitments. His words 'you really think any of that's news to anyone' fml not been the first one to say something to that tune either. 

Yesterday was the Apple announcement. We are both probably going to be changing phones this time. Mine is through the business and I'm going to swap hers to a business deal, takes a c£60/m commitment off my hands personally. Will be going for 13 pro models. Fortunately, she's not too excited by the new iteration of the watch, had a series 6 last year and I was half anticipating her going mad for the series 7 but she's not bothered. Ipads announced she's not bothered about either so got away lightly there. So far as personal expenses go will be a saving of c£60/m and a one off sale of an 11 pro and an XS. 

alt80

@getmore4less worked for me 100% mate tell you that much. Brush is an example that should have never come through my door though so shouldn't have been on any list ha. 

@warby68 we are working together to come up with some sort of plan for her, she acknowledges this is getting really !!!!!! silly promising to not spend and then spending on ridiculous things. Sounds mad me saying this about her but in her own way she does have a work ethic tbf. 

@Bargainhunter30 this is effectively what I do with the spends sheet - they are categorised, doesn't really work for her or hasn't so far.

@Iamouttheotherside my Mrs does office (my offices and communal spaces). Tbf she def does more than a lot of wives with house/ garden/ cars etc, I know a few like you're talking about, they won't do this or that; really !!!!!! lazy with excuses for everything.

@purplelady99 thank you. You're 100% right re holiday I know just keep trying to keep the negative / anxiety in check. Christmas has been agreed but idk whether she'll stick with it, always in the back of my mind even though she tells me she won't go mad again. Also it's my son's birthday soon. Some things already bought, budget has not been exhausted as yet.

@enthusiasticsaver I keep using the how many sets of nails conversation which she will work out but says why does that matter lol. I don't want to upset her I know I've put her through too much and I don't deserve to still have her. Some of her friends take her for a mug, always have she's just starting to see that tbf.

@stymied I'm doing a family one again hot choc / few sweets / chocolate treats / might throw in a few cheaper little toys for son and couple of beauty bits for her. I know what she likes. Actually had an idea I'm going to save the fragrance purchase @warby68 suggested to give to her on Christmas Eve just into my 30th week when I get there which I think I have a chance of. I liked the suggestion and know she will so big thanks there.

Need to get my card back tbf would be seriously odd paying business back for that lot fml haha.

theoretica

alt80 said:

@enthusiasticsaver I keep using the how many sets of nails conversation which she will work out but says why does that matter lol. I don't want to upset her I know I've put her through too much and I don't deserve to still have her. Some of her friends take her for a mug, always have she's just starting to see that tbf.

A variation would be whatever your hourly take home works out as.  What does it matter in hours of nails when she isn't earning the money - but you are - and is it worthwhile to expect you to work X hours for that bag/you don't want to work Y hours to pay for clothes for her friends...   I suspect your income doesn't correlate exactly with the hours you put in, but putting it that way might change the conversation.

alt80

@theoretica think you've prob hit the nail on the head she has the attitude of the nails don't matter; tbf they don't really but I'd never tell her that. As you suspect the calc would be hypothetical and doesn't really work but iswyacf. Could do % of yearly total net income or something idk.

woahsoah

15 weeks tomorrow! Unbelievable achievement, I honestly didn't think you you'd do it. Congratulations. The bloke you had a chat with sounds very sensible. Perhaps keep an eye on him? See how happy/content he can be with less work.

warby68

15 weeks is excellent and glad you're getting some confidence in yourself. One day at a time has worked so well. You definitely seem better this week than last as well.

The talks with your wife seem to be going well too. 

The next thing that should happen is she starts to appreciate things a little more when they are less frequent. Less of a frequently demanded high to them and more genuine and lasting pleasure, hopefully starting with the new phones. Its obviously going to take her a while but her growing confidence in you seems to be helping things along nicely.

Real life people saying the same as your internet 'advisors' ? Who'd have thought it lol. What's good is that you're in the headspace to grow (or regrow) your real life contacts to include a mix of people other than cokeheads. It will be good to see different perspectives in action and its clear that despite the messy years you are in no way a pariah - you have been worried that you'd blown a lot of real life for good. People do give you the time of day and will continue to do and that's all good. 

RelievedSheff

Day 105 today. Congratulations you are doing great.

And it is nice to see that you are starting to evaluate what is important to you. Keep up the good work.

Bargainhunter30

Well done Alt you're doing a great job. I see it's the year anniversary of your diary too and you've come so far. Remember it's taken you this long to change with lots of ups and downs and your wife will get there too. Once you've paid the debt off all these little blips (that we all have) will seem less important and you'll probably relax more with the occasional off budget spend.

alt80

Day 105/ 15 weeks not really sure what’s wrong with me when I reach these milestones don’t get the buzz off it that I should had a !!!!!! breakdown this morning. Seeing things clearly I suppose how things should have been and weren’t.

@woahsoah thank you, neither did I tbh. I’m very conflicted re family getting in the way of business. Probably easier for you- you’ve made it I’ve still got a long way to go.

@warby68 thank you I wasn’t in a great place last week- I hate thinking about running out of time and was thinking along those lines a lot. Going to happen at sometime I’m going to run out of time to achieve the things I’d like to. Ha yeah everyone I’ve admitted to having been a bit financially overextended all been not surprised. I’ve told my Mrs I just can’t carry on doing it she knows the phone is it until the contract is up. She used to have a new one every year and I used to take her old one. 

@RelievedSheff thank you. Lots of things are important to me especially now. Some things I wish still weren’t life is easier when I could go for weeks guilt free hardly seeing my wife and boy. Can’t do it for a day since lockdown and hate that was how I was.

@Bargainhunter30 thank you. Haha hadn’t realised that fml been an odd year can tell you that. 630 odd pages of my !!!!!! brain dumps and drivel embarrassing really lol has helped for me though I’ve no idea why though I don’t think it’s just this. Covid lockdowns changed my life tbh and turning 40. Knew I needed to grow up and didn’t my son to remember me like I was when he’s older. Don’t really like that I’ve only really started to get to know my own family over the past 18 months.