First Steps to Solvency

warby68

Def overthinking, just take the RR. 

I get it a little bit if you're not used to full days in charge of your son but its time you were and you will manage. He will tell you what he wants/needs as well. Most of its a drive and that's your favourite thing.

getmore4less

Put the son in charge of you don't feel up to it.

SanguineGina

Go in whichever vehicle you feel happiest taking and don't stress the what ifs ☺

You will be able to cope/deal with  anything that might crop up and if your son bumps his knee etc and needs a mummy cuddle, a dad hug will work the same magic.

Have a fab father son outing, alt,  and your son can be in charge of the ice cream/ treats money if you don't want the excess cash.

It will be one of those memory making days - even if something goes wrong!

Well done for being on day 74 and good on you for resisting your mate's invite.

alt80

Day 74 through. Had a nice evening with family; managed to spend a bit of time in the garden despite it being freezing just wrapped up warm. Wife and I both said we need to get our own bbq. Tbf I think I'm going to go for it I know its spending money but rather we spent it on something we can enjoy as a family than stupid stuff. 

I've not been too well today had to work from home (unplanned); been really anxious generally had a lot of panic symptoms and had to have a few of the beta blockers really not been pleasant and def fed into the concern over taking my son to the coast on my own. Still managed to get plenty of work done, still turning the money and that's all that matters really. 

@RelievedSheff lol you're right my Mrs said something similar I was getting far too agitated about it,

@warby68 haha you've something in common with my Mrs lol she told me it was about time I had our son for the day sometimes and I will manage fine. Overthink it too much I know start panicking I'm no expert with kids / not very good at parenting etc etc. I do enjoy driving on my own I'd take the MG but I don't want my son to potentially have to experience the car breaking down and more likely to happen in a 55 year old car than in the Range Rover or EQC. I'm !!!!!! panicking over nothing really I know want his life to be perfect haha madness really life is far !!!!!! from it I 100 know that.

@getmore4less he'd 100% !!!!!! love that lol. Tbf I would've done at that age too ha.

@SanguineGina Thank you, I'm getting there slow and steady, day by day.

I'm definitely stressing the what ifs mainly the what if he needs his mum. One of the best days of my life was taking my son and dog out just before the Tier 3 lockdown. My wife sprung it on me we were going alone just me the boy and the dog that day and I didn't want to let him down. I know I shouldn't be so !!!!!! anxious to spend the whole day alone with my own son but I am. Just want him to have the best day.

Purplelady65

Maybe take the pressure off yourself and say that the two of you will have a day out together every month. That way if the day out doesn’t go entirely to plan you’ve got the next one to look forward to. It does sound as if you are building it up into a really massive thing and getting over anxious about it. Your son will enjoy spending time with you and having a day out. It doesn’t have to be perfect - it just needs to be good enough. 

dawnybabes

The highlight of one of my trips with my son (then about 8) was waiting fir the AA and getting to go in the pickup truck to the garage, it made his day ! 

theoretica

If you are trying not to spend money, more time on the beach and less time looking at tat would probably be a sensible division - looking at stuff just teaches him to spend and is not much fun once the budget is used up.  And if you are going to the beach then maximising the beach bit makes sense to me.

I agree that the MG will be fine, and even if the breakdown service is needed sometime it will be useful for your son to see how to cope when things don't go to plan - but problems are usually worse in anticipation so choose the vehicle you are most comfortable about. 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@SanguineGina iswyacf but she wouldn't be happy if I did that I'd get the I have to live like that because I am a cokehead which yeah is the ultimate reason I can't have any easy access to money if I never can, I never can not the end of my world really but taking cards off her really !!!!!! upsets her she sees it as me not trusting her. We are down to the spends card only now tbf.

@stymied yeah that's her view tbh re I should draw more or just !!!!!! borrow it ha. Complete catch 22 though I borrow money and get the me being in debt is disgusting and she didn't want to get involved in a marriage with a debtor convo from her later. No !!!!!! winning ha fml.

@rugbymadfamily I've tried breaking it down to a monthly figure for her told her she can spend up to £x/m on the stuff she wants but it upsets her. She'd just ignore me if I told her she would have to consult with me over any spend more than £30 lol. Agree there are no consequences for her - always been the case, not like the banks will chase her if the bills weren't paid.

@enthusiasticsaver/ @Willowtree222/ @Sun_Addict/ @rugbymadfamily/ @RelievedSheff thanks I'm glad I've chosen home tbh. Did bedtime and know I've got more to live for than getting !!!!!! up. Keep on the right path is my plan 100%.

Picking up on this.

might be a good idea to remind her that you are where you are because you borrowed from your future self in the past and it does not work. 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

enthusiasticsaver said:

I am assuming you are working on a 5 year plan to deal with the debts and the RR balloon taking all the 0% deals into account. That is obviously working for you but she does not really need to know the ins and outs. Just how much she has to spend on personal stuff and get the message in that if she overspends one month there is less the following month. It seems that for her the simpler the plan the better she understands it and may get on board. It may well be though that she never gets it because she has been shielded from financial matters for so long. 

i only work on a one year plan. Neither is wrong. Just different circumstances. 

@enthusiasticsaver 100 re timescale.

I've been concerned recently tbh if something happened to me how she'd cope idk why it's bothering me so much rn keep thinking my brain is trying to tell me there's something wrong but all I get from the pros is 'it's anxiety' possibly I am just anxious/ paranoid/ whatever idk. I have shielded her generally always thought it's just what you do if you love someone shield them from the bad things in life but I just keep thinking recently if anything happened to me she wouldn't have the first !!!!!! clue. Maybe better to be clueless lol she's fast asleep and I'm totally whacked but wide awake again haha.

Do you not project your portfolio further into the future based on sensible assumptions beyond the 1 year timescale and adjust as/when?

comedy technique the call back.

Turn that around how would you cope if something happened to her.




This is something that can be fixed everyone did not know how to do stuff before they tried or got taught.

Stuff goes wrong that's life we pick ourselves up.

You fix your gap by just getting on with doing the parenting stuff and not always passing your kid off to his mum or grandparents.

Think of this road trip as a test, if you can bring him back alive(preferably in one piece) you have succeeded.

How the wife will cope then you could take steps to have a strategy/plan so you know it will be OK.

Some of the anxiety stems from the unknown, so fix it.

I would probably start with a house folder that covers everything to keep that going details of thigs like utilities insurance, people to call to get stuff fixed, something her dad would have no problem understanding.

That would then be one less thing to worry about.
You probably have everything anyway just needs collating so it can be picked up when needed.

warby68

@alt80 When ours were 8 and 6 we took them to a concert in Cardiff. On the way back, late at night, the turbo went. We limped to a hotel and in the morning the transporter came and we went the whole way back in the cab. Concert long forgotten by boys, this ride was now the absolute highlight. More so when the transporter also broke down and we had to be offloaded onto another at the services. Me and OH fed up, uncomfortable, annoyed at the stupid car and the waste of time. Boys? ecstatic and can they do it again. Perspective is very different when you're 7 - everything can be fun.

I've already said it earlier start to do something about the various anxieties. Start making that emergency folder for your wife. Do things with your son. I still thing one of the best things would be for him to take up a sport and join a club and you lead on that. A great time filler and different circle for you as well. We did school sport and club sport. Club sport sees a lot of different people with a common interest. 

You're like a learner adult in some ways. You've missed a lot out and a lot of things are making you more fearful. As soon as you start doing them the fear will ease. Fear of the unknown soon goes when the thing is no longer unknown.

Day eleventyseven or something now? It has to be a good sign we're losing count