First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Well done to saying no to the ex mate.  He just sounds like an incredibly bad influence and no mate at all. At least you had the pros to call to talk through things. 

Willowtree222

What a ‘friend’ he is trying to sabotage everything you’ve worked for.

You’ve got this Alt. Keep going, he’s done this deliberately so he doesn’t feel so bad about his own messed up life and can at least feel better knowing he isn’t the only one addicted to coke. 

Look at how far you’ve come without him. He’s not worth your time let alone a drink. 

Sun_Addict

He’s a mate that’s no good for you, well done on turning him down. Don’t feel guilty it’s all about self preservation. 

rugbymadfamily

Really well done, it's not easy saying no but you've done brilliantly. 

Re the budget, hard to know if wife not understanding or doesn't want to. I also have a 4 year cash flow forecast, but my husband has no head for figures so struggles to follow it. I break each month down and just talk him through a month at a time. We get £200 fun money each (can do what we like with it), I tend to save mine up and use it for spa days etc whereas husband likes to fritter his each month, I think something like that could work well.

The main rule we have is that neither of us spends over £30 from the joint account without consulting the other, only exceptions are petrol and the food shop. This stops any out of budget spends or one person blowing the budget.

There do need to be consequences for over spends and I really think that the visual aid would help (I like the jar idea as can see it going down when funds get used. 

RelievedSheff

Well done. You really are on the road to recovery this time. You have got this in the bag.

alt80

Thanks all tbh I probably need to stop just hoping she will stick with her word about not spending. Idk I need to trust she'll get there.

@warby68 Haha fml keep on putting me in my box mate lol tbf yeah you're right I've never had the money to dress her head to toe Balmain 24/7. She knows about my sustained overspending but doesn't like I put in, her words, 'property first'. She just sees I could take an additional amount of money out of the business to 'have a life'. Just sees this all my own masking because I'm 'obsessed with buying more property'. I can't !!!!!! win mate bet you don't get this sort of !!!!!! with your hubby lol.

@KxMx absolutely no problem with planned spends within budget this is not what I'm talking about though. Hear you re consequences always been me on the hook for it lol.

@RelievedSheff / @enthusiasticsaver I'm sure there are 20 year olds more mature in their outlook I know a few only a little older but my Mrs she's never really 'grown up'. Fleeting moments but not really got there for any sustained amount of time just how she is suppose I just need to make sure I look after her.

@Willowtree222 thank you I do have a different outlook to spending rn tbh. Don't get me wrong there are things I want to buy but tbh trying to think with my head a bit more. One day I want to look back at my Range Rover being the last thing I financially !!!!!! myself for to buy and the first I made a properly considered plan to pay for and change my attitude to buying cars generally.

@getmore4less it does !!!!!! me off mate 100 !!!!!! % can't really do anything about it without upsetting her and getting the leaving threats. I get the impression your Mrs is different to mine tbh mate.

@dawnybabes actually the sort of thing her dad would say lol true though re min wage and I'm not going to let my son lose out on a day out tbf doesn't stop it being !!!!!! irritating though.

maggiem

Just stay away from your "mate" because he is exactly the opposite of a mate - seems to me he needs you to join in to justify his substance use. Well done for side stepping being dragged in. 

alt80

@SanguineGina iswyacf but she wouldn't be happy if I did that I'd get the I have to live like that because I am a cokehead which yeah is the ultimate reason I can't have any easy access to money if I never can, I never can not the end of my world really but taking cards off her really !!!!!! upsets her she sees it as me not trusting her. We are down to the spends card only now tbf.

@stymied yeah that's her view tbh re I should draw more or just !!!!!! borrow it ha. Complete catch 22 though I borrow money and get the me being in debt is disgusting and she didn't want to get involved in a marriage with a debtor convo from her later. No !!!!!! winning ha fml.

@rugbymadfamily I've tried breaking it down to a monthly figure for her told her she can spend up to £x/m on the stuff she wants but it upsets her. She'd just ignore me if I told her she would have to consult with me over any spend more than £30 lol. Agree there are no consequences for her - always been the case, not like the banks will chase her if the bills weren't paid.

@enthusiasticsaver/ @Willowtree222/ @Sun_Addict/ @rugbymadfamily/ @RelievedSheff thanks I'm glad I've chosen home tbh. Did bedtime and know I've got more to live for than getting !!!!!! up. Keep on the right path is my plan 100%.

alt80

@maggiem we go back a very long way tbh I was tempted, went through the shall I be a !!!!!! or not !!!!!! mental tennis but I've not come this far to go back to day 1 again. !!!!!! sense goes straight out the window when I'm on that stuff and it just results in a whole new !!!!!! world of pain later. Hate to say it as I've said it a million !!!!!! times and can hear my Mrs saying I'm a !!!!!! liar just thinking it but I'm done with it. That's not me saying I trust myself that I am done with it for good because I don't trust myself I forget that I'm an addict I put everything at risk. Come to the conclusion I'll ring the pros every !!!!!! day if I have to ha fml they probably hate me I know I do call too much really I've no !!!!!! pride left lol.

maggiem

You are so hard on yourself alt80. What do you think the professionals prefer, someone ringing them who stays off the stuff or someone who says I was really tempted and goes ahead and uses? You are using their support productively - that's amazing and such shift from where you were 6 months ago too. 

I think your wife just can't allow herself to hope you really are off the stuff but the best answer to that is to keep going and after 3 months,  6 months, a year, 2 years whatever she will finally think this is real and he has achieved it. Just keep going and be a bit kinder to yourself 71 days is amazing.