First Steps to Solvency

warby68

Well done @alt80 on 70+ days and seeing your ex-mate in a whole new light

I do agree your system is too complicated for a lot of people but nothing wrong with it for you. Your wife however can't stick to a 2month promise longer than a week so a 5y plan is probably right over her head. 

Her expectations are also still very high - the brands, the amount per spend etc. Does she know that you were both overspending by £4-5k per month for a sustained period? Your budget realistically is not (and never was) Balmain as the norm.

I also agree that she is perfectly capable of understanding a number to spend each month and simply doesn't want to stick to it so far and wants you to 'magic' up more and to be able to blame you when you don't. Child mode really.

The simpler answer here is if she doesn't want to learn to understand the full financial picture then she has to do what she is told, more or less. She left it to you before, she will have to leave it to you now. That means back to a simple personal allowance for her with overspending restricted and/or reflected in next month's budget. Keep quiet about leaving more in the business and longer term purchases for now. Just get her used to living within a budget for the first time ever.

For your worries about the future perhaps you can start a 'guide' for her. Simply worded stuff and with someone/ some place she can contact for help with each part. 

KxMx

It's not you with a problem, you may be happiest with "no spends" at the moment for yourself but your wife isn't sticking to the budget.
I'm sure you'd be okay with her spending if it was within the budget? 
For what it's worth I think pre pay is the way to go for her. 
She's talked the talk about reasonable spending a couple of times but actions speak louder than words. 
She's also had no consequences to her spending so has no incentive to change. 

RelievedSheff

At some point the both of you are going to have to realise that she really isn't going to be "20 years old forever"

I know 20 year olds that would be very annoyed that you compared your wife to them. They are far more grown up and worldly wise than your wife and are running their own homes and finances by themselves.

Well done on Day 71.

Willowtree222

At what point is enough Alt where you’ll consider something else to support her understanding she can’t just spend anymore? I think you need to consider other options to help her budget too as what you’re doing is working for her and she’s just not getting it.

The you off the stuff is so much more considered with spending and the rational side of you kicks in when looking at big words. I’m not quite sure your wife is there yet!

good luck with what you decide. Enjoy your weekend and then it’s almost day 75! 

enthusiasticsaver

No one can stay 20 forever.  She has responsibilities now so has to grow up.  If she does not take the make up back that is less money available for other things.  You do not need to be a number cruncher to understand that.  She does not like restrictions on her spending so that much is clear but I would be furious with her first for spending money buying stuff for her "friends"  who no doubt are using her and secondly for spending thoughtlessly.  You are not the problem here.  She is. 

getmore4less

She's not got through the day without spending either went into town and came home with £125 of CT stuff for herself and £70 spent on the mate

 told me this morning she isn't taking the makeup back now 'it's not worth it' and realised she was only doing it to 'please me' 

Now that would !!!!!! me off big time, "not worth it" she is having a laugh.  

She found the time to go into town and blow ~£200 on stuff she does not need and get mugged by her "friend"

She can dam well find the time to take it back.

She needs reminding that having bought it she has broken her promise not to spend and that cannot be undone there is no pleasing you by taking it back.

dawnybabes

I know we’ve said it before but her dad is your friend in all this ! Can you explain to him what you’re trying to achieve and how she’s got a perfectly generous budget (that most people would be grateful of) he would be horrified she’d bought her ‘friend’ some make up at £70, for someone on minimum wage that’s a days work ! If she wants to buy ‘friends’ gifts then she needs to actually earn the money, not give family money away.  It could have paid for a family day out for you all. 

SanguineGina

If having access to physical cash wasn't an issue for you at the moment, alt, I would set your wife a September £20 a day challenge - get £600 in cash and give her £20 each day starting from  1st Sept ( actually hand over £20 to her each day, like how she does for you at the moment ) and tell her that every day that is her personal spends and unbudgeted buys money and she will get another £20 each day and she can save it up or spend it each day - up to her.  So how it works is every time she uses the credit card for her personal spends or buys unbudgetted stuff, she hands over the cash to cover it. If she spends more than she has the cash to cover, then the £20s stop flowing until enough days have gone by to cover.

Actually to get round the you having access to cash issue, could use pretend money - 30 squares of paper with 20 written on each one - tell her that you are using pretend money so that you aren't tempted to spend it on stuff that you shouldn't.

Also tell you wife that if she spends more on the credit card on personal and unbudgetted stuff than she will have access to cover that month (£600) then you will be giving her a prepaid card for the future to 'force',  I mean help not force force, her to stick to the budget.

If £600 is more than you have allocated/ or want to allocate to her for personal spends/unbudgetted stuff then reduce it to whatever a day, just make sure it is clear what the daily amount is.

If she doesnt like the idea of 'accounting' for her spends via the cash method, tell her you would appreciate her doing it  as a support gesture seeing as you are currently doing similar each day.

stymied

I’m going to play devil's advocate for a moment. For over a decade Mrs alt had unlimited spends and generous gifts with no personal consequences whatsoever. For some reason her dad told her that the debts are not her responsibility. Now Alt has told her the money is no longer available to spend. But why not? As far as she’s concerned, nothing has changed. Alt still has the same businesses which should be producing this magical unlimited money and if not, they can just borrow it. To be fair the banks would lend more money now, it’s not that Alt can’t borrow it or strip more cash from his businesses, he quite rightly doesn’t *want* to.

I’m pretty sure Alt did explain the incomings and outgoings in simple enough terms early on but this unwelcome and difficult to handle information has been forgotten / blocked from her mind and has been reduced to Alt doesn’t want me to have nice things / wants to show me up in front of my friends.

I would try reiterating the simple picture again and remind how much they were overspending by previously. The story of the desperate situation caused by the demand for shoes on the Instagram holiday was very powerful.

Failing that, skip to this is your personal budget for the month (or absolute maximum, the rest of the year). Here is a visual representation.

Failing that, skip to the prepaid card.

There have still been no personal consequences to the overspending besides an angry husband, disappointed dad and the sale of one bag that she misses a bit. I think it’s been said a thousand times already but no consequences = no changes.

Has she *ever* returned anything to a shop?

Do feel free to tell me to !!!!!! if I’m interfering too much.

alt80

Calling Day 71 through I'm staying in my house for the night and not going to touch anything or go anywhere. My mate turned up at my office with his car, doesn't want to park it in a carpark can he park it at mine then it's the 'why am I being a !!!!!! about going for a drink with a mate' etc fml. I told him I'm sorry but I just can't risk it. Guilt is !!!!!! unreal rn tbh been on the phone to the pros plans out the !!!!!! window just decided to carry on working lol. 100 I know I go for a drink with him it'll lead to being back to day 1 in a few days time and I can't do it anymore. Hard to walk away from mates tbh but I'm seeing how I was completely !!!!!! myself now things going in a completely different direction financially.