First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Thanks all. My Mrs has got three of them today rather her than me lol. Probably am just anxious/ paranoid know I am generally and know he deserves better than me but got what he’s got lol. If my thinking head had been on when I was younger I would have broken up with my Mrs early on given her the chance to find someone better but it wasn’t so need to try to just be better. 

Often wonder if I need to move my home on and get somewhere bigger and out of town. Paranoid living so close to town will be damaging to him as he gets older with temptations etc closer. Just want the best of the best for him but know he’s def not got the best of the best dad I probably fall into bottom 20%. Don’t think I’m bottom 10% but idk not exactly my area of expertise. Bad on the coke and bad off the coke I know that I’m no good don’t need anyone telling me that but I do need to keep on right path for my family.

Re food, yeah I’m eating too !!!!!! well. 😆 

RelievedSheff

You are not a bad dad. You have made some mistakes, yes, but who hasn't.

You are there for your son now and you have the means to give him a very good and comfortable upbringing. 

enthusiasticsaver

You  seem to be prone to overthinking and suffer from a lot of anxiety from the way your posts read.  It is like you have to worry about something every day and learning to chill a little would certainly help your mental health. Having spent the morning swimming with my 5 year old and 3 year old granddaughters I would say that kids kick off for all sorts of reasons.  My 3 year kicked off because there were too many bubbles  in the water fountains and the 5 year old kicked off because someone used the hand dryer and she hates the noise of them. Kids do that for all sorts of reasons and usually the underlying reason is just because they are tired or hungry. 

You have to prioritise your health for all the rest of the stuff to fall into place whether it be work, home life or sleep.  That means  nutritious meals with no substances and maybe reduced or no alcohol and caffeine,  regular bedtime with not too much stimulation before and some time just to chill out. 

Willowtree222

You’re  there Alt. A lot of dads (I’m talking about the ones who have a choice) aren’t there nor do they provide. You’ve made mistakes, we all have, but you’re still trying and are there for him. 

You need to start looking at what you do rather than what you didn’t do months ago. 

If you read research then we’re pretty much all doomed. My DD was an army child so that meant she was put in the extra funding category because research shows she’ll be behind. (She wasn’t) Now she’s in a single parent family (don’t even get me started on what that might mean). It’s all just generic stereotypical research that has some depth and support but doesn’t apply to all. 

Your son is what you support him to become until he’s old enough to make his own decisions. What’s gone can’t be changed but it doesn’t mean he has to be a product of the past. My job tells me that a key development stage is as they hit 11-13 when hormones are just starting. What you put in then can help support and change preconceived ideas. The brain learns and creates new neuropaths all the time. Look at you and how you were a year ago. 

Focus on the positives again. Harder to do I understand that.

efes_shareholder

alt80 said:

Day 65 through was always in the bag - been out with my family all day. Some money spent but not stupid amounts and no extra sales lol. Tonight had a bit of a !!!!!! breakdown; my son doesn't trust me I know it is what it is and no more than I deserve but it !!!!!! hurts when we've had a great day as a family together to have him play up this evening.

@efes_shareholder thank you I can definitely relate to everything you've said. Actually think I'm most afraid of just giving in one day - I have to avoid all !!!!!! sorts just to make sure I never come in contact with the !!!!!!. Not gonna lie it concerns me when I hear about people who have stayed off whatever substance for something like your 10 years and wind up back on it fml I don't want to be 50 and back into the stuff. Do know someone that sort of age and a bit, making a massive !!!!!! up of his life or certainly was. 

What's your next step - are you going to stick with vaping or looking to quit again altogether?

@Willowtree222 yeah I !!!!!! wish my body didn't need sleep. Tbf I am sleeping better recently but it needs too !!!!!! much lol.

@enthusiasticsaver thank you but it is thanks mainly to my wife's sale. I do need to find the £16 (see what you did there get down to £29999 haha). Yeah I don't think I'm going to get to the point of having them all clear by 0% being due but won't be fat off carrying on as I am. If the wife does a few more sales it's def possible; possible also if we have a super cheap year. Idk chances are I'll have to put a few £k on another purchase but it doesn't seem impossible that it could happen. That seems unreal. About a year I've been on this seriously in some way or another; not spent more than earned for a while not really getting the cravings for spending. Few fleeting moments but generally I'm not even bothered unless you count a few things I'm semi-serious about saving up for / putting on the 0% once I'm debt free. Thrown in 'nice to have' sheet haha.

Do you do a lot of long journeys? We've done 190 miles in the EQC today. You can charge at m/way services; unless you're the sort who won't stop for a coffee it doesn't really add much in the way of time tbh it suits us fine. Tbf where I live is pretty far removed from rural Cornwall though ha.

@MovingForwards thank you tbf the badge was never a problem I was considering a different Mercedes but I'm still really impressed with it today the honeymoon continues haha.

@Sun_Addict thanks, and yeah I need to find the £16 ha.

@Allikat86 thank you.

I plan to stop vaping , will probably need nicotine patches for the short term until the hand to mouth habit has started to subside. I intended to have already done it , its not an excuse but theres a lot on my plate with my mums health right now and i just think if i do it now i'm destined to fail. I gave the first day a go last week and it was much harder then I envisaged.
Don't be an idiot like me

alt80

I def need to stop the !!!!!! obsessive working 6.30pm should have stopped and head wants to carry on but promised Mrs I'd finish and need to really.

@getmore4less funny you should mention the passive recruitment that's where I'm getting to these days last couple have come on board right people rather than !!!!!! desperate search for staff ha. 

@Legs21 thought that was !!!!!! hilarious getting my son to nag my Mrs about spending. Tbf probably would work ha. 

@RelievedSheff thanks for the faith idk want to be the best I suppose and know I'm not and its not really good enough.

@enthusiasticsaver haha I wouldn't have ever noticed had you not told me lol always have been anxious tbh my brain doesn't really switch off it's that bad I'm on the !!!!!! prescribed relaxation by the pros lol. Tbh the idea of time off from work makes me panic I'm !!!!!! dreading the fact I booked 2 weeks away in Greece. It's not too long now and too long away for me tbh but it's a !!!!!! nightmare to get there. Really !!!!!! dreading seeing my mum and dad, I speak to them often enough on facetime but not the same as seeing someone face to face. Rn can't say I ever want to face my family again lol. Been just over 4 years since I've seen my parents and now they know I owe money and am on the recovery wagon. Bet they're really !!!!!! proud ha fml. Tbh I'm half hoping we're in lockdown or Greece becomes red lol.

Idk re kids I'm no expert in them just !!!!!! winging it and I think he deserves a bit more than my efforts. 

Health wise I'm trying to put that first, need to as you say.

@Willowtree222 thank you. I probably am reading too much into it !!!!!! panicking about the whole fact my son is a kid of an addict living in a city area fml know he also falls into the 'privileged' banner too so idk. Just want the best for him tbh.

@efes_shareholder thank you - no time like the present but tbh if you feel you're not ready for whatever reason it's probably not going to work as you say. Perhaps worth a talk to the pros?

alt80

Day 67 through. Forced myself to spend some time with family - dog walk and story time rather than working it was nice tbh. Mrs and I did a wind down yoga on some app my wife's got lol I laugh at myself but it's quite pleasant. She's looking after me today just made me my chamomile tea ready for bed ha. Took 67 days but she asked me if I was really serious about staying off the stuff fml haha. 

Did tell her we need to make sure we're £16 under budget get under £30k she told me she's no plans to spend beyond planned; she never does until she does though haha. 

alt80

Day 68. Had a horrible nights sleep my aim for the day is to get through work planned and try to keep my mind off any of the negative thoughts. No off plan spends today wife is taking son for a massive walk with the dog. Free, keeps them fit and son loves it win all round really.

RelievedSheff

This time next week it will be Day 75 and another mini target reached.

Keep up the hard work   

Sun_Addict

You’re making time fly by with all this counting the days 😆 Seriously though you are doing brilliantly. Did you treat yourself to the gym membership at day 30 in the end?