First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Mrs is actually quite upset with herself tbh. 2 out of the 3 things she got in the set she already owns. Other set is all new. She said she might take the one she's already got 2 out of the 3 items back. 

Re fillers she has a love/ hate relationship with it. Been a good year since she last had it all done. Her mates mainly work in nails/ beauty tbh I think they encourage her sometimes because she's a client to some of them as well as a friend. She doesn't like the idea of the products being harmful one bit but convinced she looks better with them doesn't matter what I say to her and fwiw I actually reckon she looks better without it but I get the chat about her mate being a qualified beautician. We're off the silly eyebrows and lashes currently, no filler and not going for the facials - she owns most of the products so been mainly looking after her own face as she was over lockdown. Treatments / hair gone down to about £80-120/m which I'm not going to moan about.

@stymied re my boy idk I just want him to have the best in life and I know the best isn't me. Pros trying to get me to change my thinking patterns about it but I can't stop thinking he deserves better.

He had a great day out and I've not got too much time for his mate's parents generally but they're both educated professionals, live out of town etc. Given their kid a better start 100% - I know that if I'm honest with myself. Their kid smashes every challenge school presents, very good at swimming, fast runner, plays 2 musical instruments etc. This lad is the same age as my son; probably got a better class of DNA in the first place tbf not my lads fault that isn't lol.

She's said to me maybe she needs to be on the £20 diet too ha was going to do it before but last minute said she couldn't do it - felt like a punishment which I get and she's not got the reason I had. Ultimately you're right it just !!!!!! with my plans. Appreciate she sells items every now and again and putting a lump sum back into the pot so to speak but I've said to her that runs out at some point. 

@Kakiste I don't ever want to retire - wind down and take a more passive role in years to come 100% but I def don't want to retire. Your sis at 30 thinking about retirement already fml. My sis and brother-in-law both of them want to retire and they don't even hate their jobs just like time out more iyswiacf. She doesn't even do a full week's work and he is planning to do the same very shortly. Bit of a waste imo.

Don't get me wrong I def want income growth - I don't think anyone would say no lol. Difference with me recently is I'm trying to look around rather than just up; makes me realise things aren't so bad and I am in a fortunate position in some ways.

Legs21

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, how many memories do you have of your childhood at your sons age? I bet it’s next to none. No child has the perfect upbringing and kids don’t come with a manual when they’re born. We learn as we go along. You’re seeing your sons friends from an outside perspective and we all know real life is completely different behind closed doors. What is it exactly that makes you think you’re a bad Dad? What do you think you need to do to be doing to class yourself as a good Dad?

RelievedSheff

It is good that your wife is regretting the purchases. I would make sure that she takes them back and gets refunded. She has to realise that the money has to come from somewhere.

The colouring in chart would work for her. She clearly has no concept of earning money or the value of money but putting it literally in front of her in a coloured chart will highlight in a very simple way the progress being made and then the back tracks when she goes out spending.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Thanks re bbq will have a think a charcoal one might be interesting would flavour food differently though tbh I think I’m possibly more interested in avoiding FIL inviting all his kids round to my house than bothered about the cost of the bbq haha. They seem !!!!!! extortionately expensive at the garden centres which is a put off and I cba with !!!!!! about with gas cylinders when I’ve got a perfectly good gas range in the kitchen either lol.

That's why you get a smaller charcoal one not big enough for the extended family.

I solved the gas issue by going to a 19kg cylinder, cheaper, lasts for ages and still manageable without a sack truck you need for the 47kg.

getmore4less

She's not got through the day without spending either went into town and came home with £125 of CT stuff for herself and £70 spent on the mate because the mate told my Mrs she couldn't afford to buy it so out comes the !!!!!! credit card again for her fml

She just got mugged.

Is the same "mate" that she bought stuff for before?

Willowtree222

I suspect a lot of her ‘friends’ just use her. She sounds like she’s got a kind heart underneath and they take advantage of that. The free nails, telling her she needs work, now her buying things for them again. It doesn’t help your budget though x

efes_shareholder

alt80 said:

Mrs is actually quite upset with herself tbh. 2 out of the 3 things she got in the set she already owns. Other set is all new. She said she might take the one she's already got 2 out of the 3 items back. 

Re fillers she has a love/ hate relationship with it. Been a good year since she last had it all done. Her mates mainly work in nails/ beauty tbh I think they encourage her sometimes because she's a client to some of them as well as a friend. She doesn't like the idea of the products being harmful one bit but convinced she looks better with them doesn't matter what I say to her and fwiw I actually reckon she looks better without it but I get the chat about her mate being a qualified beautician. We're off the silly eyebrows and lashes currently, no filler and not going for the facials - she owns most of the products so been mainly looking after her own face as she was over lockdown. Treatments / hair gone down to about £80-120/m which I'm not going to moan about.

@stymied re my boy idk I just want him to have the best in life and I know the best isn't me. Pros trying to get me to change my thinking patterns about it but I can't stop thinking he deserves better.

He had a great day out and I've not got too much time for his mate's parents generally but they're both educated professionals, live out of town etc. Given their kid a better start 100% - I know that if I'm honest with myself. Their kid smashes every challenge school presents, very good at swimming, fast runner, plays 2 musical instruments etc. This lad is the same age as my son; probably got a better class of DNA in the first place tbf not my lads fault that isn't lol.

She's said to me maybe she needs to be on the £20 diet too ha was going to do it before but last minute said she couldn't do it - felt like a punishment which I get and she's not got the reason I had. Ultimately you're right it just !!!!!! with my plans. Appreciate she sells items every now and again and putting a lump sum back into the pot so to speak but I've said to her that runs out at some point. 

@Kakiste I don't ever want to retire - wind down and take a more passive role in years to come 100% but I def don't want to retire. Your sis at 30 thinking about retirement already fml. My sis and brother-in-law both of them want to retire and they don't even hate their jobs just like time out more iyswiacf. She doesn't even do a full week's work and he is planning to do the same very shortly. Bit of a waste imo.

Don't get me wrong I def want income growth - I don't think anyone would say no lol. Difference with me recently is I'm trying to look around rather than just up; makes me realise things aren't so bad and I am in a fortunate position in some ways.

no , no no REWIND , she won't MIGHT take them back , she WILL take them back
The fact she already owns 2 of the 3 products makes it a completely ridiculous purchase , as for treating her "friends" , it must be great buying gifts for someone with money somebody else has worked their fine !!!!!! off to spend .......................that generosity needs to stop unless shes paying for it herself , suspect she wouldn't be quite so generous in those circumstances 

Stop knocking yourself as a dad , there is no perfect parent no matter how many would like to think they are. My dad was awol from about the age of 12 , but prior to that I don't recall what fridge/freezer we had , what colour the sofa was ,whether it was leather ? How big the TV was or what car he drove. What I do remember were the days out at work with him , the holidays we had , the places we visited and the things he taught me ...................ok its a different generation now with a much more materialistic world but I'd like to think the core elements to parenting remain the same 

alt80

Day 70 - 10 weeks today. No idea how I’ve got here but I have that’s all that matters really. Wife going out for another walk with son and taking the dog. 100% free. Work for me, still no access to money so no chance of spending. She’s told me she’s taking the makeup back this afternoon bought it for ‘wrong reason’, had the crying all morning fml does know she’s been mugged though tbf. I’ve told her when son is back at school she can start coming to work - can find things for her to do, keeps her out of trouble etc. Spent a bit of time going through the numbers with her and she says she ‘doesn’t understand it’ idk can’t really be more simple £x to spend forecast over x time. Seriously !!!!!! considering a !!!!!! colouring chart idk what’s worse her maybe needing that or me thinking she needs that at thirty !!!!!! three. 

Re parenting I want nothing but the best for him always have yet I’ve spent the majority of his life using cocaine says it all really.

Re BBQ that makes a lot of sense just buying one big enough for us and maybe 2/3 more max will have a think about that.

Legs21

Day 70 is amazing. Well done you 👏👏👏

Whats stopping you doing the colouring chart? If your wife is not financially inclined then maybe a simple chart will help her understand. Nothing derogatory in that. 

RelievedSheff

Well done on getting to Day 70.