First Steps to Solvency

SanguineGina

alt80 said:

Idk what to do about my Mrs. When you get access to £20, nigh on £300 feels like a lot of money haha. Easy to say just restrict her but I want to be able to trust her. 

Taking your time to decide what to do about your wife's spending is a wise decision if you are weighing up all the options in order to determine the best course of action with the least number of negative consequences.

Doing nothing under the guise of wanting to trust your wife, means that effectively you are enabling her to carry on - same as how she would be enabling you if she left you alone with a bag of powder under the guise of wanting to trust you.

Avoiding confronting the issue is not the most positive way of dealing with it unless you are waiting until you are in a stronger frame of mind for dealing with any potential fallout.

And if in your heart of hearts you know that you are ultimately going to just carry on financing all of your wife's spending without limits, then the sooner you realise/decide that, then the quicker you can start making the revised future contingency plans for how you are going to cover the spending.

And definitely bank your treat/reward if you don't want to take it at the time.☺

efes_shareholder

personally i'd lower the credit limit on that card and let her find out herself she can't have it and i'd return the bargains

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Thanks all, yes day 56 today making 8wks. Another busy one, yes. 

Wife’s no spend 2 months not lasted a week fml. £280 spent today tbf on stuff that is just over half price but none of it needed. I’m told ‘bargains don’t count’. Idk a spend is a spend I think really. Apparently going to replace some basics doesn’t need to but in her words would be ‘rude not to’ at these prices. 🙄 Thing is where the !!!!!! does it stop ha.

The principle of getting stuff when on sale is OK but there are a lot of not OK if...........

The main time it is OK is if it is in the plan  but for a future date but buying now saves money and the natural sale cycle won't come round before you need the item.

everything goes on sale at some point and there is a cycle you just have to work out what that cycle is.
the sale cycles tend to be 2 sorts.
new models start high and drop overtime till the next model comes out, things like TV cars etc.

regular stuff that follows the DFS model, yo yo-yo between a high an low price white goods and designer stuff fall into those categories..

Chances are most of the wife's stuff is the later, they are always on sale a few times a year so you can just wait till the next time if the budget does not have the funds.

The main not OK is just updating something that already does the job(unless in the plan).


you can have others.


I think what the wife is doing now is testing the boundaries,  this spend is a lot lower than last time and if you don't put a stop to it(send it back) it will get the £300(ish) is ok and that level of spend will become more regular

Purplelady65

Day 57 - what an achievement! Your posts sound so much more balanced than previously- you really do seem to me making long-term, sustainable change this time which is excellent. 

I don’t think your wife is going to change her spending habits unless you force a change. However, if you’re not ready to do battle on this one just yet you could maybe keep a record of which dates she’s said she’s on a 2 month no spend, then what items she’s bought and when and the cost. (It should all be in the mse diary). Maybe in a couple of months when you show her the total amount it might make her realise she has significantly contributed to the debts and if you do decide a monthly allowance is the way to go that she appreciates there are valid reasons for doing so. It might also help her to reflect on what she has bought, how often she has used it, worn it e.t.c. Or is it something gathering dust in her wardrobe. 

As others have said as your wife has never really had a job she doesn’t value money and the effort that goes into earning the money that she then spends without a second thought. 

alt80

Day 57 through, thanks all. I need to sort my figures and respond properly over the weekend. Took my son to work this morning he !!!!!! loves it haha hope that carries on and had a Starbucks lunch. Was meant to be going out as a family this afternoon but I've not been well at all. Wasn't too well this morning but just got worse. Weather not great either and cold so just stayed in with the fire going. We're going to see the alice in wonderland garden at some point over this summer; told him money doesn't grow on trees again lol. I've had him work out the costs, had to help him with some of it though he'd got most of it this was first time I could review thought of you all on here ha probably did better than the Mrs would ha fml. Spent the rest of the day helping him draw his own alice in wonderland garden. Told me he's had a nice day, I've had a nice day or would have if I hadn't been ill but the wife has looked after me and no money spent so overall not too bad.

RelievedSheff

Day 58 today. Get through this weekend and day 60 is in the bag 😀

Hope you have a nice chilled family weekend. 

Kakiste

My daughter loves coming to work with me as well, really nice feeling isn't it? 

Sun_Addict

Saw something your son might like to do on here www.potgang.co.uk it’s a monthly subscription box for beginner gardeners. Every month you get everything you need to grow 3 different vegetables including simple instructions, seeds, pots, compost. Looks great for kids.

alt80

Day 58 through. Spent 5/6 hours working, rest with family. Managed to get out into the garden a little. Our chard is coming along nicely also got some lettuce and a few other bits coming along. Had a falling out with my Mrs over off plan spending. She’s looking at the usual !!!!!! Balmain !!!!!! and YSL bags etc also looking at doing some gym class course, she’s no intention of teaching classes would like to know the ‘inside secrets’ told her she’ll have to put the nail money towards it and she went !!!!!! mental telling me what a !!!!!! husband I am for telling her that, I should care about ‘her education’. Next !!!!!! breath is her moaning I’m ‘always at work’ and should be home more fml. I lost it told her she stops wasting money now and starts being 100% accountable to the plan tbh I !!!!!! mean it, I’ve had enough. Got the usual her telling me ‘next month’ I’ll be back on that !!!!!! and she will have ‘wasted opportunities’ for me again. Just ranting I know had a look at the spends from last month, not quite as bad as I predicted but that was mainly thanks to her mum and dad insisting I spent nothing at our centre parcs trip. Son still talking about it, he loved it so I’m not going to complain about that, try to be graceful about it for once ha.

alt80

Sun_Addict said:

Saw something your son might like to do on here www.potgang.co.uk it’s a monthly subscription box for beginner gardeners. Every month you get everything you need to grow 3 different vegetables including simple instructions, seeds, pots, compost. Looks great for kids.

Thank you @Sun_Addict just had a look my son would love that but fml £20 for x3 seed packs and a few plastic pots. Not sure what the !!!!!! is wrong with me but first thought was fml get on rhs site pick x3 packs, buy them on eBay and draw the !!!!!! characters on myself. 😆 Turning into a miser I am ha.