First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

Beware the in-laws for a week high risk of a covid outbreak with 12 of them at CP.

If you have people coming on line then that will help with the load but could involve some induction and early mentor time to get them upto speed.

Good options for those stuck at home can be paperwork and process improvement jobs that always seem to end up at the bottom of the pile.

alt80

@getmore4less true that is mate can't see my Mrs isolating from them for 10 days though tbh probably should. She's had her jab but think that's 2 weeks until it's as effective as it can be. There are younger people dying of covid from what I keep seeing in the news some of them apparently fit and healthy. Probably sounds !!!!!! mad but I worry like mad about her getting ill when she's under about 48kg; there's nothing to her I'm no medical expert but can be a bad thing being skinny if you do get ill. Realise how !!!!!! bad it's got when the Love Island girls look fat. Just keep looking after her and eating my chicken roast ha.

100% re induction etc those early days always do seem like damned if you do and damned if you don't re staff haha. All good fun and games though. Also true re all the jobs winding up at the bottom of the pile - I know it's not just my place ha. Started to accept there's not enough hours in the day but can do my best and make sure everyone singing off the same hymn sheet.

theoretica

alt80 said:

 I've told her that or similar a couple of times now she tells me she shouldn't pay for my debts (fair I suppose), knows I don't want to risk losing her.

Maybe she shouldn't pay for your debts - but there seems little reason you should pay for other women's nails, clothes, lunches or whatever else she is giving her friends beyond her time and skills.

katsu

@alt80 I recommended some KonMari / Marie Kondo stuff some time back I think. 

Maybe it would help you with your wife and spending to think like Marie recommends about tidying.

People say they want their partner to him in the new way of thinking and get in board with the change etc etc. Marie says don't look at them, look at you. Tidy your stuff and focus on your behaviour and they will see the change and the change will affect them without you forcing it. 

Maybe as you keep going - as @SanguineGina said,  you'll reach the stage where your change is so clear to your wife that she truly can believe it then she might really stick to new ways too.

We've seen her MSE light bulb flicker so I think it's in her and am crossing my fingers that it comes out in time. 

So you keep going and hopefully you'll soon see her adjusting. 

RelievedSheff

Your wife needs to realise that these are not your debts Alt. They are both of your debts. She is as much to blame for the situation that you both find yourselves in as you are.

The more you pander to this idea that it is your debt the more she will believe it is your debt.

It isn't. You have both been over spending just in different ways.

alt80

Day 54, another busy one planned no time or access to money to spend lol. Main thing now is not becoming complacent. 

Disney_Princess85

RelievedSheff said:

Your wife needs to realise that these are not your debts Alt. They are both of your debts. She is as much to blame for the situation that you both find yourselves in as you are.

The more you pander to this idea that it is your debt the more she will believe it is your debt.

It isn't. You have both been over spending just in different ways.

This is so true. I know you've messed stuff up, but you have not been the only one spending money. She's accrued as much debt as you with her excessive spends. I'm not sure why she doesn't see that.

As others have said. I think you need to lower the limit on the credit card. Whilst I appreciate you earn a large amount of money. 12k is still an enormous amount of money to be just frittered away and as the card is in your name you'll be liable for it at the end of the day.

efes_shareholder

Definately reduce the limit on the available card

Blame the card provider if you must 

Leave about 2k on it and if she goes above that she will get a nasty shock when the card declines 

This is both your debt but ultimately its in your name and its your responsibility to make the payments

alt80

Day 54 through. Still not sorted August budget/ figures on the ever !!!!!! growing to do ha. Today has been my last day with my BMW. I can't believe myself that I've given two cars up but it is what it is; still miss my f-type from time to time but often when I think about it I think about how !!!!!! ill I was when I bought it. Like to think I'll come back stronger and the next time I buy a sports car it'll be with my thinking head on for once lol.

Apologies for not responding to people; I'm not being ignorant and do appreciate it tbh lot of people talk a lot of sense on here and might take me a while to think about it but I'm really grateful for people on here generally. Suppose I've not really had many people around me telling me how it is or few enough to ignore but a whole !!!!!! community saying 'mate you're a !!!!!! sort yourself out or you're going to !!!!!! it for yourself' might not have liked it but I really !!!!!! needed that. Big thank you tbh ha. Needed it years ago but getting there now - better late than never. I get these mad busy times working and tbh I can't really deal with anything else ha. Isolates back next week and only 1 person off on holiday (1 throughout summer so is what it is).

RelievedSheff

Day 55 today. 

Hope it's another good one for you both