First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Day 54, another busy one planned no time or access to money to spend lol. Main thing now is not becoming complacent. 

Good you recognize this can be an issue, we covered this early in the process "the slog" is the hardest period to get through.

One thing I have noticed as you have got your head straight is the overwhelming urges to find the magic quick fix you must have missed have stopped, having settled into the routine you kind of know where things are day to day, the numbers can get done when you have time they are the backstop check nothing is going wrong on the plan.  

You have the tools,  keep busy and plan things to do, the wife is going to keep you on your toes for a while yet if you can spot the signs early you may be able to find stuff for her to do that keep her mind away from her demons. 

There should be enough on the going out list to be able to find something for the weekend to fit in with the weather.

Its been a bit crazy here we were out for lunch in town only a mile away from home  and crazy downpour standing water everywhere, got home and it had not rained much roads and paths dry and garden just damp.
forecast round us , today should be dry, Fri wet, Sat mixed, Sun looking best.

    

Legs21

alt80 said:

Thanks all, yes day 56 today making 8wks. Another busy one, yes. 

Wife’s no spend 2 months not lasted a week fml. £280 spent today tbf on stuff that is just over half price but none of it needed. I’m told ‘bargains don’t count’. Idk a spend is a spend I think really. Apparently going to replace some basics doesn’t need to but in her words would be ‘rude not to’ at these prices. 🙄 Thing is where the !!!!!! does it stop ha.

It doesn’t stop and that’s why you need to put a stop to it by reducing the limit on the card or taking the card off her. She’s quite happy to scrutinise where your £20 spend has gone but you’re not allowed to put a limit on hers. Taking the P if you ask me. Just do it, ignore the temper tantrum and crying, she’ll get over it.

Willowtree222

Would she agree if you said the same about drugs? That half the quantity doesn’t count? If the answer is no then she needs to realise it’s the same for her. 

enthusiasticsaver

I have said it before and will say it again.  Your wife has no respect for money.  She does not earn any and does not know the value of it.  She just thinks your wallet is a bottomless pit.  I get that you do not want to  rock boats but your son is getting a dreadful example of how to manage money between the two of you. You are having to  restrict yourself by necessity to avoid you spending on the wrong stuff and she is spending like there is no tomorrow. If this is not addressed he will struggle as an adult to function as a financially astute person due to the example your wife is setting him. In general children who come from financially illiterate families  struggle to budget and spend within limits. This battle will need to be addressed at some point. 

On the plus side getting to day 56 and remaining clean is great. 

SanguineGina

So restart the 2 month no spends challenge and stipulate what does count as an allowable spend.

e.g. no clothes whatsoever except for son's school uniform and any essential back to school stuff that he needs.

Decide/agree the allowed stuff with your wife's input to ensure she is on board with her own challenge!

And make it clear that bargains, no matter how good, aren't allowed unless they fall in the agreed stuff.

Maybe agree a wanted reward/treat as an incentive for your wife if she does the full 2 months.

And well done for 8 weeks👏

warby68

Enough is enough surely.

She needs hard roadblocks, trust isn't working

No wonder you got the promise to pamper you this weekend - soften you up. She's full of tricks.

alt80

Day 56 through. All being well on Monday I will hit my 60 day target. Saw something on alcohol thread, someone said they don't want to go back to 0 days in a row that resonated a bit ha - def don't want @RelievedSheff coming along with the 'day 1 again, then' when I'm already feeling like !!!!!! ha fml. Seriously I'm working a lot rn and am still working with the pros too but life in recovery is good. My head feels much clearer generally.

Idk what to do about my Mrs. When you get access to £20, nigh on £300 feels like a lot of money haha. Easy to say just restrict her but I want to be able to trust her. I said I was going to buy some kind of treat for days 60 and 90. I was also going to for day 90 start increasing my access to money not sure I want that now I'm doing ok with no money to spend. Tbh I'm four days away from day 60 and I don't want anything. First time in my living !!!!!! memory.

RelievedSheff

You should treat yourself at Day 60.

Equally you need to have the discussion with your wife about her spending. I know you want to avoid confrontation but that isn't going to solve the issue. Get the in laws involved if you have to. You have to rein this in otherwise it will go on forever. I understand that you want to trust her but that trust has to be earned and right now she has proven time and again that she can not be trusted with money.

theoretica

If there isn't anything you want now, why not bank the treat for the future.

stymied

Ignore the spending issue for now but go back to 1 in 1 out on clothes, shoes & bags? I guess the belt ‘collection’ can remain (but obvs don’t draw attention to that!)

What does your wife actually want for the future? Is there anything that would be impacted by her current spending? E.g. does secondary school cost more? Will that be out of reach if current spending continues?

Could you set up a savings pot for something specific (I know you’re anti savings in general when there’s debt to pay by a specific date but this could be motivational).

How long until you can bin Instagram again? Have any of the new purchases been shared on Instagram? That should be a big red flag if so. You can probably justify monitoring Instagram usage if you’re wife is monitoring your spending. They’re kind of on the same level I.e. looking after each other’s health.