First Steps to Solvency

Kakiste

@annabanana82 Sorry if I offended you- I spoke without thinking over what I was saying. 

strawb_shortcake

Kakiste said:

@annabanana82 Sorry if I offended you- I spoke without thinking over what I was saying. 

No, not offended just wanted to point out that it works for some and can be completely normal, certainly was the case when I grew up, I can't think of anyone at my primary school where two parents worked.

It can be quite amusing how we are perceived by others, it fluctuates between we must be poor as we struggle on one wage and others thinking we must be loaded.

getmore4less

Something else was bothering me but was not sure what it was.

I can usually stay quite neutral but some of what you are saying has started to push my buttons and I don't even have to live with her.

This is well beyond my comfort zone, have the pros on speed dial if it does hit a nerve.

Just done a  stint in the garden sorting out the compost area, a bit of time to think and a day off from the pub, took a lot longer than I thought still not finished  but done for the day.

She is playing a very dangerous game here with the lack of support during this critical period, trying to back out of CP and dump your son  is over manipulative(it would be you that did it).

It's like she wants you to fail so she can have her spending back, sod everything else bad that comes with another relapse.

She really needs to make her mind up, does she want the clean you, managing and enjoying  your family life along with the budget that comes with that or the junky spending loads of money on her and no family life.

OK she does loads of stuff for you but as you are finding when not on the stuff you can do most of that yourself like wash your own car and no doubt push a vacuum around and fill the dishwasher etc........an office cleaner would cheaper than a handbag a week  etc.

This led me to realise what was niggling me.

Unless there is some super rich single dad doing the schools run she knows no one or runs in the circles where there are guys that would support her lifestyle any transition is going to be tough trying to find some with an even smaller budget.


Now I am sure you have already thought this if not recently it has come up in the past, there is one person .

Would she throw away everything she has for that different junky?


You are trying to get her to talk to the pros which is probably what is needed rationalise her thought processes because they do seem to be going in the wrong direction.



 

alt80

Projected this month's total repayment to be -£110 - she's told me she's not sending the bag back for me to pay my debts. Projected some days out etc into the budget that were accounted for anyway. To be reaching my debt free target of Jun-26 I need to be clearing £1395/m additional to the fixed pcp payment. This covers my cards and RR balloon / additional card debt that will be accrued to pay the car off in Apr-24. That amount is going up constantly - last month we didn't meet the target, this month with the projection which should be fairly accurate I'm effectively into the accruing new debt realm. I !!!!!! despair and know it only needs to come right in the round but if it's not coming right in the round by being cut next month and the month after iyswim (talking hypothetically could be 3 months time or whatever) I carry on a debtor in perpetuity. 

Tbh I'm back on the beta blockers my !!!!!! anxiety is through the roof, better than the other stuff at least. I've told her where we are and need to do better she should limit her access too - no immediate access to money = no opportunity to buy or at least a chance to have a real think about it. All I get back after asking her why sometimes she is really supportive and sometimes !!!!!! sabotaging it for me is she thinks I only want to do this to feed what she calls my 'other addiction' (building retained in the business and reinvesting in property/ I don't care about her/ family etc still wants to have family days out though etc haha). She's got no faith in me and 'knows' I'll be back to the old habits sometime soon so no point in any of this etc etc etc. Idk spend more than you earn, no amount is ever enough never anything truer than that said. I can't give up on this, I want to get my debts paid and just move on. Part of me is considering just letting my car go already given 2 up make it the !!!!!! hattrick and just forget about having a personal car.

getmore4less

Does she not understand that to grow the income from where it is now  it needs a bigger business(or her getting off her ar3e) and that need investment.

Legs21

Day 45 is just around the corner. You’ve come this far, don’t blow it now. Get out of the house with your son and dog and go for a nice long walk to clear your head. Tell your wife the bag is the last straw and you now have to restrict her access to money. Get her name off the cards and give her a pre paid card. Let her complain about it over the weekend to the PIL and see how far she gets. Her Dad would wipe the floor with her. 

dawnybabes

She really needs to grow up, she’s deliberately goading you to ‘show’ how you e failed.  She doesn’t like the rational logical you, she wants to be spoilt like a child.  I’d really speak to her parents, if she wants to be a child then ‘snitch’ on her ! 

MovingForwards

@alt80 Anyone would think she's in threadbare clothes and living on rice the way she spends. I can't believe she's buying things for herself because you won't (can't). She is superficial and wearing you down to live a fake life where possessions mean more than the marriage.

I'm not surprised your back on the BBs, reading the goings on is stressing me out. You're doing well not to go bat s- at her.

Forget the talk about removing her name from the cards, just do it. She's had enough chances now.

The weekend tell FIL what she's done and how it's sabotaging everything you've achieved. How there will be a constant circle of debt if she doesn't get her s- together.

Maybe she does want out but doesn't have the b- to call it, instead this is to force you to.

Stick with all your support and counseling, you will grow stronger. You've come too far on all accounts to revert back to how things were.

alt80

@getmore4less ha I was thinking about making a compost bin out of some deck board for my son to see some kitchen scraps/ garden clippings etc turn into compost over time. Get him to look at what sort of ratios of matter he needs to make the compost idk gives him something to think about and he can help me make the bin. Might get him on the tools when he’s older who knows haha. I’m playing this garden stuff by ear myself lol but maybe good for him to see I’m learning too - can teach an old dog new tricks maybe lol.

She doesn’t get it re business. She’s never liked the amount of time I spend at work etc.

On another note I’m not sure if you’re trying to be funny or not re effectively asking me if my wife is cheating on me? I think you know I’ve got a lot of time for you and tbh I am very thankful for your input here - some of the stuff you’ve suggested has really made me think and reassess a lot, tbh I can’t thank you enough mate but if you’ve written that because you think it’s funny or expecting some kind of banter from me about it don’t go there again and just wind it in please. I like to have a laugh and would like to think I’m not so up my own !!!!!! that I can’t laugh at myself tbf but I’ll tell you now that isn’t funny at all.

dawnybabes

Quote : She doesn’t get it re business. She’s never liked the amount of time I spend at work etc.

the majority of people earning at your level work many many hours over the normal 40 hour week.  She can’t have it both ways