First Steps to Solvency

Grumpelstiltskin

Next time she starts on about finding someone with more money ask her where she is going to find him.

I agree you need this weekend to get your father in law on his own and tell him exactly what she has been saying to you. Tell him you you are approaching the end of your tether and you don't know how much longer you can put up with all this xxxx.

Kakiste

I just find it a bit mental that a grown adult doesn't have a job tbh. I can understand people being stay at home parents for the early years especially when you consider the sheer cost of childcare but once kids are in school I honestly don't get one person opting not to work and leaving their partner to bring in all the money. 

I agree with what someone posted upthread, she can hugely increase her disposable income by working. I don't get why anyone modern day (especially a woman) would rely on someone else 'keeping' them rather than doing it for themselves. 

ZaSa1418

Some people simply don't want to work.

alt80

Last job of the week done, few hours tidying up ready for next week and I’m done. Always used to get massively tripped off by the idea of not being ‘there’ ie in office/ home office idk why but it’s nice to get a break. Taking my laptop, will log on couple of times a day and that’s it until next week.

Re wife - she has never wanted to work, it’s just not her thing. Said many times way before wanting to sort personal debts out that I think a job would be good for her and tbh I’m looking forward to this girl she’s helping out going on maternity - hope she enjoys the salon env and decides to stay/ look for a position in another. Always had it in my head to JV with her on a salon/ gym/ whatever but tbh I don’t think I could face that rn, she’s very flakey with work and I don’t really feel up to the challenge of a business that really isn’t my industry right now. One day maybe who knows but no loss if not really.

@getmore4less I’m finding that with the garden tbh it is quite therapeutic.

Re recycled materials ha def not into the eco stuff but son sort of is - they are fed that at school 100%. I do have a passing interest in regeneration/ clever use of small spaces etc. Used to be a good tv prog on.

I’d rather have my FIL banging on about what a !!!!!! driver I am than the handbags discussion lol. He’s a complete !!!!!! to my MIL behind the wheel too but not with any of his kids - he taught them to drive haha. No !!!!!! way I’m having him sat next to me, he’ll be in the back and I live in hope he just keeps himself entertained watching a film tbh could be lucky once in my life who !!!!!! knows.

Comedy shows look good but you’re right, I do want to avoid some of those type places for the forseeable though wife would probably like to go with her mates. 

@SanguineGina I think he will like the microscope too thank you. Idk trying to think of things that aren’t Lego or iPad / Xbox type video games etc. He wants a phone rn and I know my Mrs will want us to get one for him for his birthday but tbh he’s got the iPad so I’m not sure why he needs a phone although all the kids have them - don’t want him being the !!!!!! ‘poor kid’ without the tech haha fml. 

strawb_shortcake

Kakiste said:

I just find it a bit mental that a grown adult doesn't have a job tbh. I can understand people being stay at home parents for the early years especially when you consider the sheer cost of childcare but once kids are in school I honestly don't get one person opting not to work and leaving their partner to bring in all the money. 

I agree with what someone posted upthread, she can hugely increase her disposable income by working. I don't get why anyone modern day (especially a woman) would rely on someone else 'keeping' them rather than doing it for themselves. 

We've always had one parent at home, it's not mental its completely normal and acceptable. 
We wanted to be able to walk our children to and from school, to be there to help with homework. Have a parent there to deal with a poorly child without impacting work, if one came out of school upset, they always had a parent for comfort.

We didn't want the stress of juggling careers, childcare, hoping we could manage to find a week somewhere that we could all spend together.
We didn't want other people bringing up our children, be that pre school or after school. 

We may not have always had much spare money, but having that time with our children and the memories has been priceless and I wouldn't change a thing. 

We were of course happy with not always having much spare cash, our choices came with those consequences and we fully accepted that. If I or my Husband wanted more material things then we'd have had to reassess our lifestyle.

But I do agree if someone wants a champagne and high end lifestyle then they have to put some effort into bringing in money to afford their wants.

MovingForwards

Enjoy your time at CP, do loads of fun things with your son. Natter to FIL about wife and her comments. Return home, tell wife to pack and go find the unicorn with endless pots of money as you're tired of not knowing if you're coming or going with her.

FML she needs a f- wake up call.

Life's too short mate, you don't need this.

Hazelnutty

Kakiste said:

I just find it a bit mental that a grown adult doesn't have a job tbh. I can understand people being stay at home parents for the early years especially when you consider the sheer cost of childcare but once kids are in school I honestly don't get one person opting not to work and leaving their partner to bring in all the money. 

I agree with what someone posted upthread, she can hugely increase her disposable income by working. I don't get why anyone modern day (especially a woman) would rely on someone else 'keeping' them rather than doing it for themselves. 

I agree and can't believe this hasn't really come up much (I've followed the thread from the start). I've always worked and can't imagine not. Of course it's also fine if you decide as a couple to have one person working, one at home for all those reasons @annabanana82 mentioned, but the person at home is presumably not at the same time constantly gaslighting the one at work to earn more to satisfy frankly ridiculous material expectations, refusing to engage in any serious conversation about household budgets and holding the threat of leaving over them!

Seems to me all her self-worth is tied up in money, being/appearing 'better' than others (wealth, status, not lifting a finger) and her personal appearance which is pretty sad but it's also really fragile and easily broken. She may well be afraid of what it would mean for her and about her without those things. IDK how you do this but she needs to create new anchors for her self-worth, whether through paid work and training/edu, volunteering or whatever. These things aren't overnight but built slowly, but they're stronger and more resilient for it, and bring more lasting forms of reward and fulfilment.

alt80

@annabanana82 I do see wyacf tbf and I don’t really mind as such although wife didn’t work before son came along. I’ve been saved from a lot of parenting duties over the years that I wouldn’t have coped with and wife has always been there for him no worries about school pick ups or whatever. 

@MovingForwards haha don’t !!!!!! tempt me. 

On another note I’ve got the beach trip planned. 😊 two possible dates - will see how the weather is nearer the time. 

alt80

@Hazelnutty tbh that’s why I’d like her to get some work that she doesn’t bin off after five mins - I do think it’d be good for her to have a commitment and build a bit of confidence in a role outside of IG photos that she by no means does professionally - it’s a private profile etc before anyone suggests it we had a load of trouble with IG and not going there again. She is far too tied up in what she looks like for photos etc I know. Always has been lol just how she is I suppose and I shouldn’t moan about it really I knew the score and knew she liked the nice things in life suppose I thought I’d be able to handle it and I can’t. She helps me out with the business sometimes, does look after the office and house tbf etc but she’ll bin it off at a moments notice - would be good for her to not be able to do that. Anyway rant over lol.

MovingForwards

@alt80 You are the age I was when I told my ex to pack his stuff and gtfo.  Nothing was going to change in that relationship, the only thing that had changed was me reaching my tolerance level.