First Steps to Solvency

alt80

My son is looking forward to Centre Parcs so I'm not going to let him down again. He likes packing too haha. Wife fell out with her dad over the bag - moaning to her mum about it and he kicked off (they are very cautious with money generally and FIL has a real dislike of what he calls 'labels'). 

I am sticking with the £20 access personally and anyhow not a chance my wife will give me access to money now ha last thing I need anyway,

She knows the score and isn't great with numbers but I do the numbers - she doesn't need to do anything, spends are well planned out for the year ahead and projected forwards for the next 5. Sheet is detailed and I do regularly update it with spends etc.  

Spends total £1795 off the top of my head
Belt - £380, Bag 1 - £240, Bag 2 - £750, JD - £195, today - £230
Can't keep doing this. She didn't buy a TV, I said it just wasn't happening and she didn't bother arguing that one. Problem is she is looking for deals and the deals she's got have been decent from the looking for a deal aspect. However she needs NONE of this stuff and gave me her word she was on a no spend 2 month. I bring that up and get the I've hardly committed to changing habits in the past and I'm being self-righteous idk don't want to go home tonight ha need to though and have a job tonight on with the RR so at least that gives me something to focus on, son can help with interior. 

Just spent £450 on school uniform too haha though that's in the plan so not an off-plan spend. 

Said before they are not her cards - she is an additional cardholder ultimately not her debt iyswim. I think she just doesn't see the issue.

strawb_shortcake

I've always thought that your in laws are your allies in all of this. The relationship might not be perfect but it is work in progress, you'll get there in time, opening up about the issues you are facing with your wife may help show your really have changed.

A pre paid card isn't punishment, budgeting is or should be a part of every adults life to varying degrees. It'll give your wife some responsibility and accountability and realise that her spendinf choices have consequences that someone has to deal with, with a pre paid card it's all on her.

I would try to compromise in that her cleaning earning is added to her budget or is her monthly budget, that way she has a direct correlation between what she earns and what she spends.  
Clothes for your son should come through you until she demonstrates that she can be trusted to manage a budget. 

RelievedSheff

If they are not her cards then it won't matter if you take them off her.

alt80

Re son pocket money - I'm no stranger to having to work for what I had as a kid but my wife hates the idea of our son 'earning his keep' so he doesn't lift a finger unless helping me with something. No chance of him regularly making his bed or putting his laundry in the basket. Bit spoilt really I def wouldn't have got away with it as a kid haha.

£10/w I thought would be reasonable - tbh he knows how to !!!!!! spend too lol I'd def save some pennies if I gave him £10/w and said that's all he's getting. If we go to the garden centres etc fml he'll walk out with £100ish worth of stuff. Even now he knows his trainers and what logos he wants to be seen in, bit of a recent thing but he's def getting into his clothes etc. I've got a !!!!!! image conscious 7 year old going on !!!!!! 17. 

As I've said before on here he knows that I plan to buy a project with him at 18 for him to decide what to do at the end of it sell, refinance onto btl, refinance onto res and live in it if he likes lol probably not. Won't be anything amazing, just a little unit to give him a taste iyswiacf. Still hoping he'll decide to come into my business when he's older but his choice I know. Looking promising rn his number 3 activity for summer is coming out on a few jobs. Behind dog walks and iPad haha.

alt80

@annabanana82 she sees it as a punishment. When I've told her she carries on she'll have restricted access to money as she's breaking the agreed spends she thinks I'm just being a !!!!!!. Seen me say I won't do things before and I just !!!!!! carried on when the mood took me I suppose. Paying for my word meaning nothing and breaking my own promises all the time deserved possibly idk.

My income has always been paid to the household not personally to me so I don't really see why anything she earns should be treated any differently tbh know people on here disagree with me there.

@RelievedSheff she'd go !!!!!! postal mate tell me I am not being trusting etc etc


Right need to get out of this office for the day ha.

getmore4less

The rant over CP is a deliberate attempt at manipulation of you.

She has seen that her father is on your side and she has to sabotage anything that improves that relationship between you.

Also there will be 3 against 1 when the subject comes up she knows her position is getting undermined rapidly.

She is also trying to establish control over spending with an alternative that costs you money, she will probably throw you have not paid much(any) to the CP trip so can spend on a spa for her.

What is worse is she has ignored your son's place in this weekends family plans 

FootyFanDan

alt80 said:

Re son pocket money - I'm no stranger to having to work for what I had as a kid but my wife hates the idea of our son 'earning his keep' so he doesn't lift a finger unless helping me with something. No chance of him regularly making his bed or putting his laundry in the basket. Bit spoilt really I def wouldn't have got away with it as a kid haha.

.

 🤣  🤣 This does not surprise me one bit! She doesn't have to work for anything so the fact she thinks her son shouldn't 'earn his keep' should come as no shock

Well done on keeping it together, do not let this sabotage both your own progress and the progress with the in-laws. 

theoretica

At present she doesn't have access to your family money - she has access to the bank's money and your credit. Which is a much larger sum than your actual monthly income after all the fixed payments for the month have gone out.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff she'd go !!!!!! postal mate tell me I am not being trusting etc etc

She has proved she can't be trusted.

(Not underestimating you have history on the trust side)

She is setting a very bad example for your son.

alt80

May well have signed myself up to something stupid but keeps me out of trouble or I'll massively let my son down. I've spent evening with son in the garden rather than starting on the car, apparently my Mrs is going to do it tomorrow. We'll see ha. Anyhow son and I spent an hour making his planter that he wanted and we've put some lavender in there. Was having a look for what we can maybe do next, been on RHS website and signed up, lots for him to learn on there too (I !!!!!! need the advice ha know nothing about gardening lol) we were looking at different plants he might like to think about for next year and looked at the pages on there relating to them. He now wants to go to alice in wonderland gardens (one in Manchester) I've told him the rest are too far haha maybe another year and plan a stay or something. We have family days out budget, I've told him that's his first task for the week - to see if he can afford to go, he has £100 and is going to work out how much the day is going to cost, how we will get there and three lunch options. Thanks @Grumpelstiltskin and others he loves the garden/ growing - it quite surprised me tbh when I first tried it with him but he !!!!!! loves it. Taking other peoples advice from here - give him an idea of the day out costing money and have to pay for it lol.

Going to use this summer to plan out the treehouse idea thanks @getmore4less: I've set him off with a summer task for his summer to use his ipad to look at what he would like it to look like, what materials we might like to use and what tools we might need to build it. Started a folder on his ipad for it so he can find it. Idk I'm def no good with kids but he seemed to like that and gives him something other to do than just playing games on his ipad. Probably obvious I'm avoiding my Mrs who's just sat binge watching the Love Island she's missed.

@getmore4less yeah I've not paid anything towards the CP break. Did offer to pay 1/2 but FIL refused to take my money. She wants a 'couples weekend' her idea is son and dog go with her parents and we go somewhere else fml.

@FootyFanDan about the sum of it mate.

@theoretica very true. Tbh I'm really !!!!!! disappointed, thought she was serious about a 2 months no spend. Don't really know what to think, completely undermined my payments for the month. Not getting into further debt but it's not helping my !!!!!! repayment plan one bit. Can't carry on with this and 5 yrs on being in hardly any different position idk maybe I'm just being obsessive as she keeps telling me.