First Steps to Solvency

CRANKY40

I hope that you do too @alt80, I really do. You're doing really well, even in the face of adversity. 

Legs21

Your wife said she was not going to spend for 2 months so anything bought in those 2 months should be sent back. 

efes_shareholder

The bag goes back , non negotiable 
Its excessive and ridiculous in your situation.
Once your a bit closer to debt free day or when she earns her own money your mrs can indulge herself but right now she needs to cut her cloth and adapt her lifestyle.
750 on a bag is 10 weeks food shopping , 3 months council tax etc or a hell of a lot of nails or PT sessions if she were to earn it herself.
So what if you mentioned aspirations on a new home at some point , thats for all of you , for your family not so you can look the part outside the school or on IG 

getmore4less

Keep the last big blowout property to yourself, wife does not need to be hearing that now.

Talk together about what you want from a property in the future feed of what she is looking for, might even be able to make some of it happen with this one.
That's your game.

Debt to safety net takes time it's needs to become part of the plan in time, for now nothing wrong with the approach.


You have come a very long way please keep on course.

It is seriously difficult to adjust when substance is not driving your life. 

The big silly stuff is relatively easy to adjust to, it's the day to day simple things like, interactions with people , little but regular spends, the what if's that keep recurring.

It can can also be difficult for other others to adjust as they come to accept you are changing (or even realising there was a problem)


It falls back to building that new life with new routine and habits to keep you busy.
It will take time for both yourself and those around you.


Good move trying to get the wife on the busy routines a lot of the technique you have will work for her issues.

Another day tomorrow.

F1 at the weekend with full coverage from Friday not sure I can cope with that.

Purplelady65

Two months can seem a long time not to buy anything when your wife has been used to buying clothes, shoes, bags and make-up whenever she likes. I still think a monthly allowance is the way to go as it allows your wife to have her own money to spend as she pleases but also learn to budget month to month. Then she can choose whether to spend a smaller amount every month or save the money and buy something more expensive every few months instead or do some extra nails. 

alt80

Day 40, have made it through. Some difficulties with my wife I let her purchase trip me off a bit but not been a bad day overall good day on the work only just finishing up. Bed after this with my tea, herbal and listen to one of the chill out tracks. Hope I get a bit better night. 

@mark55man on another note did you get to the gym mate? I didn't go to the proper gym, did 3km run on my treadmill at home ha. Something better than nothing ultimately.

@CRANKY40 thank you.

@Legs21 I agree I hope she'll see sense with it tomorrow.

@efes_shareholder Ultimately it's money I'd rather be coming off my balances which ultimately it would be. Will still be clearing some but not where I want to be or on track if she keeps the bag. The 'it's x weeks food / 3 months council tax etc' it doesn't work for her. She just looks at me and it's the whole that's my problem/ I should earn more/ I'm !!!!!! at business argument all over again. Idk what the solution is beyond limiting access to keep her off buying this stuff, I used to buy her a lot of it and she misses it I know that.

@getmore4less yeah I should probably have kept my big mouth shut tbf lol. 

Not really thought to ask what she'd like from a property beyond some superficial stuff. I won't move unless it's for the right place tbh and she's not even bothered about moving at all; thinks doubling my res mortgage is !!!!!! stupid so will have to get by that first - not getting anything better for the same value, different granted, plenty of places out of town for the same money that are nice places but not in last house league iyswim.

Absolutely agree moving towards the personal safety net is a problem for another day 100%. Just is a step I do want to take acknowledging it to myself and planning for the future. Better future this time around I hope.

The day to day things are definitely the hardest things to adjust to all the interactions/ stupid little spends 100% biggest thing I have a lot of 'what ifs'/ regrets etc. I've lost the few people I still had in my life that aren't either staff or family save for two and not kept all my family; none of my wife's family apart from her parents want to know me, they see me they wind me up and 100% know what buttons to press and my sister just doesn't want to know me. Before things got really bad I was in a position that had I continued on the same trajectory of growth with allowing for an element of diminishing returns I'd more likely than not have a fairly substantial amount of wealth by now but it wasn't my time; I couldn't make the kind of decisions then that I'm starting to make now. Was at the point I either let it kill me and being truthful about it I was killing myself over it or I make the choice I'm hanging onto now. I've put my family through a lot, not been an easy person to live with I know that and I don't really know who I am. I'm 40 and all I can say I know is property, working generally and getting so off my head the madness starts.

Keeping busy helps a lot only real thing keeping me going day by day really.

F1 I’m not going to get to see much - at centre parcs ha. And no escaping, I’m driving us all there.

alt80

Day 41. Little better nights sleep but woken up absolutely freezing cold and no idea why lol. Another busy work day planned and wife is spending the day getting the RR ready for Friday. I already feel a bit sick about the prospect of a weekend in very close proximity to my in-laws ha but it should be busy enough when I get there and taking the laptop. Just get through it and I do at least know I get through today and tomorrow I’m through the weekend too.

Hoping for a no spend today. 

@Purplelady65 I do swyacf and it’s hard for her for the reason you state and I’ve stopped buying her stuff too. We do have allocated funds for different things in the budget which I review on a monthly basis so I suppose have an allowance or are you talking like the sort of allowance you’d give a kid lol?

CRANKY40

You don't have to stay in with the inlaws. There's enough to do there to keep you out of the way. Just grab a child and set off. There's lots of outdoor play areas and the indoor play areas are ok too. If the weather is good just grab a drink and a snack on the way and you can be gone for hours. Swimming and water slides if the weather is pants. We went there a fair bit when my house troll (now 16) was younger because it was so child friendly. 

RelievedSheff

I think you will end up having a great weekend at Centre Parcs with the in laws. It will do all of you some good. 

Well done on getting to day 41. Your next target will be here before you know it. You are doing great

enthusiasticsaver

Good to see you are still keeping on track. I think @Purplelady65 suggestion of a monthly spend limit would be good for your wife simply as a way of her learning to manage money and budget as it seems she doesn't know how to do that. DH and I have a personal spends account each and we both get the same amount each month simply for clothes, hobbies, personal spends. At the moment we have both budgeted for £300 each per month. It is the only way my DH will keep within a budget and not splash out on something he wants without thinking of all the future spends we are saving for. I often save mine up and then splash out on something more expensive whereas he fritters his. It will only work if you have the same though then she can see so much is allocated to personal spending and no more.