First Steps to Solvency

Allikat86

Don’t do anything with the car right now. I think that potentially her mindset will swing to the fact that the car is gone so she can spend more... park it (sorry, no pun intended but what a good one) for now, enjoy your weekend away and in your time with your son, and think about it again next week. I’m glad that you’re on BB. Take it easy and enjoy CP ☺️

enthusiasticsaver

I do hope you manage to unwind a bit over the weekend and enjoy some quality time with your son. I am not sure what the future holds for you and your wife but I agree she needs some sort of counselling. Only time will prove you are serious this time about kicking the drugs habit but the stress she is giving you with the unbudgeted spending is not helping. It may well be when the balloon is due on the RR you might be better off relinquishing it. I said all along over £100k borrowed for a car is crazy. Not having that debt around your neck will relieve some of the stress. 

Maybe for now though just focus on the immediate goals. Get fit and healthy, continue to build on your relationship with your son. clear the debt, keep off drugs and sort out the situation with your wife and her off piste spending. Everything else can wait. 

katsu

@alt80 I'm sorry this is a tough time for you and your wife. 

You've made some points that have really stood out for me. Firstly that right now you've achieved a real turn around, the longest you've been off drugs and at the same time your mindset is changing. Massive congratulations. 

Secondly, your wife has told you she is afraid that this will not last. 

I think you were right to suggest your wife needs some support from the pros and maybe even to talk to the groups that support the spouses of people who are tackling addiction?  You and she both need the help on this road. 

Maybe she's behaving badly because she's afraid to trust and be hurt again?  She's doing/ saying some stupid and hurtful things but it might be her fears not the real her, as much as the you on drugs is a handful.

Your wife is making a big adjustment too, as you are, and maybe we here feel for you and forget that she might be also struggling with emotions and fears that push her buttons and so she's acting out. Maybe like your son did about you coming home?

Well done for starting strong, you and your son are building a wonderful life. It's lovely to see your mindset change. It's easy for us all to think the worst of your wife so well done you for taking on the extra strain and working through it. 

Congrats for not letting her derail you. Keep getting your help, encourage her to do the same and this too shall pass! 

Have awonderful time at CP. I think it will be great as FIL etc might give her some support and a reality check. 

RelievedSheff

Enjoy Centre Parcs. You have certainly dropped lucky with the weather for it

alt80

Day 43. Been up a while and last thing I want to do is what I need to do. Have to get in the car and take my family to CP tbh all I really want to do is go to the office, spend the day working and after I’m sure you can !!!!!! guess ha, not going to happen because I’m not allowed to have money, I’d be letting my boy down so I’m going to get in that car and try to enjoy the weather at least. First time for everything- the sun coming out for us is a rarity.

@enthusiasticsaver I know only time will tell tbh I don’t even know if I can do it myself. Re my car I know you don’t get it probably think I shouldn’t have a nice car at all but it’s the last thing I want to give up. However I don’t want this going on forever either it’s not the debt that stresses me out as such but when I just see my plans being spaffed up the wall.

strawb_shortcake

I honestly don't think getting rid of the RR is the right answer, it's the unplanned spending that's causing the problems. You have a workable plan to pay for the RR. 
By getting rid, your wife will see additional money available and I think you'll become resentful that you've got rid of your pride and joy to allow her what will be more expensive handbags.

You are already down to £20 a month/week spending the burden of debt repayments needs to more equally shared

getmore4less

Sorry you read it that way I was not suggesting any affair any time, just projecting her idea there is a rich dude out there that would meet her excessive needs and where she could possibly find one. 


Looking to be a cracking weather weekend got lucky on that one and the last weekend where there should still be sensible precautions in the park.

Don't forget to pack the sun screen.

Once packed and on the road things will look up.
(Don't forget to leave room to the car in front) 

maggiem

Enjoy your weekend at CPs and please try and give your brain a break, lots of overthinking going on. So many positives in how you are doing and the rebuilding of your relationship with your son. Keep going, you can do this. 

Your wife has oscillated between being very supportive and then kicking against restraint. I hope she reverts soon to being supportive. Can you do some relationship counselling together? Maybe time away will give her time to think as well. 

alt80

My Mrs has made a going away weekend activity bag for our son so don’t think he’ll be needing to look at the butterflies. Words of my Mrs we're not in the 1980s anymore oh well I tried. 

@annabanana82 you’re right about what’s causing the problems - I don’t see what I’m meant to do about that though I’m not spending because I have no access to money. I don’t have a £20 spends allowance as such I have £20 in my wallet to buy my lunch/ coffee that I claim back through my business and my Mrs makes me account for every !!!!!! penny, every night. £20/w to spend as I wish would be quite nice in these times but tbh I don’t want to be able to save it up and in a moment of weakness spend it on chang.

@getmore4less I’ve read the post back and iswym I used to have a lot of paranoia about her having affairs and seeing other blokes including my former best mate tbh think she plays on it where all the ‘I’ll find someone else’ comes from idk. 

Oddly enough I feel a bit weird about the Covid restrictions completely lifting and I’m not sure why. Quite glad we’re there this weekend and not next esp with in-laws - fully vaccinated but they are in their late 60s now. Only my Mrs who isn’t fully vaccinated sure they should have called her back by now but she’s heard nothing. 

Ha def won’t forget the sunscreen lol actually can’t believe the weather it always !!!!!! rains whenever my Mrs and I do anything and I’m sure I can not tailgate if I really put my full brain power into mate ha fml. 

@maggiem thanks over thinking story of my life and only usually leads down one path - wrong one. Doubt this weekend is going to be AF but going to try to keep it sensible. She does the counselling with me once a week but not really committed to it and doesn’t like it.

MovingForwards

You will have a great time at CP as it's quality time with your son. I would suggest taking him for some bonding time, where you get to do the fun things like spotting butterflies and other insects. That's what kids do at his age!
- I had a little butterfly 'farm' where I put caterpillars and watched them change, opening up the lid and letting them fly. At 45 years old I adore seeing all butterflies and moths, in fact most insects. I protect my fruit and veg, but don't get upset when they get nibbled, nature and I both need to eat.

Gardening is great as it's fresh air, keeps hands occupied and you get the fascination of how something so small turns into whatever fruit, veg, insect.

Honestly if you swap the drugs for gardening, is that really such a bad thing? It's your safe space.