First Steps to Solvency

strawb_shortcake

We all want things, you and your wife aren't unique in that. How many of your previous wants have been sold or at the back of a cupboard unworn and forgotten about? 
Personally, I'd get rid of the wish lists, I don't think its helpful to either of you in creating a more sustainable future. No one's life ever got ruined because they missed out on a season's belt or top.

I have a friend at work and everytime she says she likes something her Husband goes out and buys it, she doesn't want it but he thinks he's being the best he can. All she wants to do is express that she likes something and move on. You don't have to own everything you like.

If you take your nobby mate, he sounds like someone that grew up with everything he wanted, never said no too, is that really the type of lifestyle you want to emulate when you can the outcome?

I think you can take your triggers and turn them round so they become your motivation 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Need to get to the point of not needing to juggle business with the addiction pros just stopped for lunch and my head is !!!!!! spinning. Still freezing in NG too.

Going to spend a bit of time tonight looking at plans for summer / rest of year will be nice to have ‘spent’ the money not just getting tempted all the time. Not that I’ve got any access to it still ha. Mind it’s !!!!!! June and I get a message from my Mrs about Christmas- she’s crazy but tbf we sort it over the next few months will be out of the way and know where we’re going next.

Reality hitting re BMW going. Odd sense of relief - doing what I said I would rather than binging on buying another sports car. Still tempted to take my mate up on his MG offer though lol.

I think you should take MG mate up on the offer. It will give you something to look forward too on hot sunny summers days (if we ever get any of course) and is something that you and your son can do together.

We are planning to get Christmas sorted early again this year. It was so much easier and less stressful last year having everything sorted out well in advance. Spreading the cost over several months helped as well.

Damp and Miserable here in S81 as well now. It certainly doesn't feel like the sort of weather we should be having on the longest day of the year. Not cold enough to warrant the heating on though. We still have a lot of the windows open trying to cool the house down from last weeks hot weather  

Allikat86

Hi Alt, you sound like you are making big steps. I agree with Sheff RE: getting rid of wish lists. I often leave tabs open if I really fancy buying something but I make myself sit on the decision for a long time. If there are things that you all want it does some good to delay purchases - with kids this age it often passes anyway! Would you consider giving your lad some pocket money for him to choose re: save or spend in return for chores? 

Rome wasn’t built in a day and I think that when you’ve made smaller, considered steps they are easier for you to sustain (i.e. taking time to consider BMW - you sound pretty at peace with that going back now). If I’m honest, I think that a no spend 2 months would be really difficult (I appreciate that’s not the MSE way). However, the types of purchases that you’ve mentioned are big ones! This is still early days and you both sound like you have emotional impulse spends.

It sounds like you guys have a lot that you’re selling, so perhaps a percentage of that could be debt repayment and some could be treat type money. I do think that when you start to declutter it makes you realise how much stuff we sometimes buy out of guilt or emotionally driven spending. Honestly, the stuff that my kids enjoy most are the free or very cheap things - crafting, reading together, messing around on the beach, making sandwiches to take out.

I wonder if it would help if you look at your fear of missing out/not ‘making the next step/level/goal’ by looking at it from your son’s perspective - what are the things that make him really happy or will set him up best? It’s fine to have your own wants etc, but I think that you have started to recognise how much your son enjoys having you around, and how important consistency will be to him.

It’s nice to hear that you are starting to take the time out with your family and to enjoy it. I’m from a totally different part of the country to you but we try to spend as much time as we can outside - beach, woods etc - and sometimes when I’m totally shattered I inwardly groan at the thought of going out, but once I’m out I feel so much better for it.

Can I ask - and please don’t take this the wrong way - would your wife be up for working a couple of days a week? If she’s qualified as a PT then she could set up a small business and build up a client base. The ex wife of a friend of mine is set up as a PT and she works around his shifts and the school times. I appreciate that you feel that you need to provide but I think it would really build your wife’s self esteem to have some financial independence.

I really think that you can do this. 

alt80

No real response tonight will reply tomorrow. Through day 18. Long day on the work let it spiral a bit - thing with running a business never enough hours in the day if you let yourself become a bit consumed by it. I stopped an hour ago. Did actually take 20 mins out to do sons bedtime. Wound up fancying a drink for the wrong reasons but didn’t bother made myself a chamomile tea and had a shower got ready for bed instead and going to have an early night. Didn’t get around to figures / plans for time outside work. 

SanguineGina

alt80 said:

Day 18.  ....

Struggled to get to sleep last night. Idk on one hand I’m tired of the constant pursuit and on the other I can’t stop seeing myself as a complete failure. I am concerned it’s what leads me on the downward spiral tbh that’s the last road I want to take but know all too well I can do all the therapy in the world but ultimately it needs to come from me. 

Well done for Day 18, alt, that's gotta be what 60% of your first goal now. Great going👏

Hope you find a way to stop seeing yourself as a complete failure; it would be a real shame if that false perception of yourself derailed your progress.

alt80

Day 19.

More or less fell straight to sleep last night had nearly 8 hours total no waking up etc. 

Another busy day (will be until Friday). Very, very little chance to spend or anything else.

@SanguineGina thank you. I am working with the pros on that- know and aware it ultimately comes from me. Hope I keep doing the right things I may develop some kind of self worth - know my issues with that lead me to the stupid stuff. 

alt80

@annabanana82 ha wish lists are the wife’s new IG lol she goes through them every day not sure I’ll get her off them.

Know where you’re coming from about don’t ‘need’ all the stuff. I’m probably similar to your mate at work’s husband tbh. Also swyacf re my mate he def falls into that category. Parents are blind to it though ha. 

@RelievedSheff yeah I’m tempted. Thinking about offering him £8k for it know he won’t take my money but maybe will next year. Probably won’t even get out this year in the car if I do wind up with it - I think that week of summer has now gone ha. 

Re Christmas my Mrs is !!!!!! crazy for it. We have the budget planned for it whether she’ll stick with it is a different matter. I like Christmas too but not on her level with it lol. 

@Allikat86 wish lists aren’t really for son more for wife. Idk re pocket money I do put some money in an account for him always have done so I’m reluctant to give him more money iyswim he gets whatever he asks for generally anyway.

No spends is more about wife’s clothes etc shopping so not no spends in the absolute strictest way really. I have no access to money or def not easy access so I’m not making any spends beyond expensed lunches and anything planned with family. 

Re selling - yeah there’s a lot of stuff we’re not too bothered about keeping and has a value. It’ll go off the cards. I don’t see the point keeping money back - the cards are all 0% and if she wants to use some of the money she’s sold it’ll go on the 0% in the future. Seems better cash flow planning to me than keeping some money back for if she spends.

Things my son enjoys the most are def the cheap/ free stuff tbf. 

Re wife working - she’s qualified as a PT and as a nail tech won’t take either seriously or any other job for that matter. Been there many times before - she doesn’t want to work never has done. I don’t get it personally and yeah people often think that comes from me when it 100% doesn’t I’d love her to be out there and earning well but she doesn’t. Whilst she does a few girls’ nails it’s questionable whether she’ll carry on or bin them off. Idk I don’t get the lack of work ethic on her part ha.

alt80

Calling day 19 through. Will be watching the match later and just finished work for the day. Not had time to think about stupid stuff. Business still busy, staff happy even though they aren’t getting out this weekend lol.

Got a fair few reminders set on the personal side ha stuff I’ve mentioned on here - not enough hours in the day as usual but I’m not letting myself get stressed about it before bed time. Focusing on therapy techniques etc. Looking forward to budget reset end of the week - chance to put things earlier this month behind me and build on the last 19 days. Things aren’t bad. 

RelievedSheff

Things sound on the up.

What's your sons prediction for the score tonight?

MovingForwards

There never is enough time, plan it carefully and a sufficient amount can be crammed in.

Your work ethic is totally different to your Mrs, options are to accept it or calmly discuss it and hope one day something clicks (in the future!).