First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Spent a little time thinking about moving on from the lifestyle I've always lived trying to not be destructive about it, thinking more about what's important to me alongside playing things a little safer. I don't want to wind up 50 and still spending more than I can justify/ suffering financial hardship from not being able to wind it in/ get a grip now. I know my other problem makes things worse than it would be had I never touched the stuff but I also know I have a large appetite for the want to own nice things and that's not going to stop. I've spent a lot of time over the past year wishing I wanted to live some kind of saintly, frugal life - take minimum from business to live, reinvest everything possible and have no houses, cars, shopping etc. I can't do it though. Don't want to go back to £35-45k/a over spending that lockdown put a stop to either - that 100% couldn't have gone on forever. My only real options are to either earn more or spend less. 

Earning more I have ruled out for the next few years for reasons I've discussed. Spending less I am doing slowly but am concerned about the binges/ relapses on the pure spending side and the other side too. Some things I'm really discontent with - cars def but not being able to give my wife everything she wants, no real hope of upgrading son's school and the potential I won't upgrade my home or not for a long time. It's not even really a dissatisfaction with what I do have more a concern there's not more and what if I never get to the next level.

Do all the therapy but the thoughts don't go. Often wonder if anyone is ever truly content with what they have. Know quite a few on here say they are but is that truly 100% of the time? Saw a post on LinkedIn this evening from someone bigger in the business than I am by a long way - his staff smashing it. My staff are too 100% but his business is at the next level, probably more like 3 levels up really. Found myself thinking get there I'll have arrived. Thing is that won't be enough. It's a mindset thing 100% my dad is right I've always wanted to own the world but get to that stage and I'll be sad I don't own the moon fml. Don't want to live with the attitude to life I have for the rest of my days tbh it's torturous never truly enjoy anything when always looking up for the next thing.

Just a brain dump really ha.

Unless you change your mindset you will never be happy and that will send you on a downwards spiral again.

Instead of thinking about what you don't have, turn those thoughts around and be thankful for what you do have.

We are genuinely happy with what we have and feel fortunate that we can afford to do what we do.

alt80

Day 18. Should be able to keep myself entertained this week ha plenty of work to get through one member of staff off and I’m on 4 day week as we’re going to York. 

Struggled to get to sleep last night. Idk on one hand I’m tired of the constant pursuit and on the other I can’t stop seeing myself as a complete failure. I am concerned it’s what leads me on the downward spiral tbh that’s the last road I want to take but know all too well I can do all the therapy in the world but ultimately it needs to come from me. 

CRANKY40

There's a school of thought that says that you get what you think that you are. See yourself as a failure and you will fail more. See yourself as a success and you will achieve more success. See yourself as poor and that is what you will be. See yourself as having money and you will make more money. See yourself on the way down and that is where you are headed, see yourself on the way up and you will get there.  

Don't look over your shoulder - you've already been there. Look forward and start looking for the next step.  You strike me as a person that has a life plan. I only had a vague plan and if I'm honest being a widow and raising a child on my own wasn't on it.  I'm starting to wonder what I want from life in the next 20 years.....I'm hoping that when I find the next step I recognise it 😊

alt80

Yeah I know it’s what drags me down. Life plan - idk about that. Have plans in business but allowed that to coast until recently as my head was in a really bad place. My personal life plans revolve around little other than spending money on things. Know some who think I’ve got it made though haha fml. This morning I was feeling massively guilty wife is having 2 months off the spending, it’s all my fault she’s had to wind it in. She’s not said anything but it’s !!!!!! obvious that it’s my fault. Had a quick look through her wishlists and I can’t give her all the things she wants all the time. 

RelievedSheff

Your wife will appreciate the time spent with you and your son as a family far more than expensive gifts that she doesn't need.

alt80

@RelievedSheff I just want to be able to give her and my boy the best. Don’t get me wrong I want the best for myself too. Wish I had your attitude to life tbh - happy with where you are, lot to be said for that. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Right sit down and analyze what you mean by 'Best '

Do you mean most expensive ?

Do you mean what they want out of life?

Do you mean individually ?

Do you mean for the family as a whole?

You could send your son to Eton and he could turn out someone who doesn't want to work, just wants to spend his life as a member of Rent a Protest. Would you have succeeded then?

alt80

@Grumpelstiltskin most expensive mainly I suppose also just my family getting everything they want. Thing is there’s always the next thing and the thing after that and I don’t have endless funds. 

Anyhow need to get off here and on with my day ha. 

RelievedSheff

Have a good day.

You are doing great.

alt80

Need to get to the point of not needing to juggle business with the addiction pros just stopped for lunch and my head is !!!!!! spinning. Still freezing in NG too.

Going to spend a bit of time tonight looking at plans for summer / rest of year will be nice to have ‘spent’ the money not just getting tempted all the time. Not that I’ve got any access to it still ha. Mind it’s !!!!!! June and I get a message from my Mrs about Christmas- she’s crazy but tbf we sort it over the next few months will be out of the way and know where we’re going next.

Reality hitting re BMW going. Odd sense of relief - doing what I said I would rather than binging on buying another sports car. Still tempted to take my mate up on his MG offer though lol.