First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Glad you enjoyed the adventure Park. Did you manage to dodge the rain?

Hope you have a great fathers day. Your son will love having you around for it.

alt80

Day 17, not in the greatest frame of mind. Son had made me a card so I’ve made a fuss of him and cooked a nice breakfast - bacon, egg, cherry tomatoes and toast. Have a few hours work planned for when wife and son go to visit her dad later. Going to get through, no access to money- no chance to buy anything. Liberating in a way being safe from temptation.

Fish pie to make later and doing Eton mess again son wants to make meringue lol.

@RelievedSheff yes we did well in the end! 👍 hope the weather has been ok where you are too.

Legs21

Happy Father’s Day Alt. Do as the day says and be a happy father, and remember it’s called Eton mess, not Eton perfect! 🙂

MovingForwards

As you're aware kids notice a lot. Be fairly open with responses but in a positive way. Say most couples do things this way as it's good to share in relationships. 

You could ask your OH to slip you your card every other time, then you slip it back afterwards. Provide the illusion of taking it in turns to pay.

The changes will be normal to him in time.

You've got many years ahead of you. Tomorrow get the diary out and start planning work hours, family time, son time, wife time, appointment times and some you time. Follow the routine and everything will fall into place.

Enjoy today and don't forget the hugs!

Sun_Addict

Happy Fathers Day alt, hope you’re having a good day.

ditty1234

@Alt80 haven't read your posts for a while, your writing has changed immensely. Great work. Fathers day and such is a weird one, its fathers day everyday, it sounds like you have made a nice effort fro your son - but mainly use it for planning forwards a few bits you guys can do together in the near and far future as a dad son and as a family. 
Don't be embarrassed that your wife is paying. My friends boys sed to be embarrassed that it was their mum who built their tree house as it is a dad job! But she was the one who did it, and the one who was good with wood. Challenging expectations and stereotypes is a good thing, no matter the reason why it is happening. 
Have a lovely day. 

alt80

Day 17 through. Wound up having a really nice day, lots of time with wife and son and a few hours working. Very cold again though - no win with UK weather had to light my fire again ha. Have had a drink, just the one, no plans for more. Torn every time I have a drink now tbh I do enjoy it also know I don't have a problem with alcohol as such though in the wrong situation it leads to the other, no temptation just sat watching TV with my Mrs though ha. 

One week left on June budget. Wife has saved us with sales but still not entirely kept ahead. However it's not bad - will have cleared £2550 off cards and current account overdraft. My current account will dip into £150 overdraft next month - that's 0%  I have been through the spends including my stupidity at the start of the month, York trip, x2 trips to kids adventure park, BMW and wife's spends. She is having 2 months off spending and next month is the last time we will pay for the BMW. I need to keep with the slog or I'm not going to get my RR cleared off. 

@Legs21 ha it was far from perfect mate, I wasn't too happy with my meringue at all today. Fish pie was decent - glad about that, made 2 portions so we've got dinner for tomorrow ha. 

@MovingForwards I don't really care whether she pays or I pay for lunch just a bit embarrassing son noticed tbh made me think what else does he notice idk lol. 

That type of scheduling is what I've been doing for the past 17 days stop giving myself time to think or access to money. Keep up with the therapy/ work and hope I get through each day. I don't believe in god tbh but I pray to who idk, every !!!!!! night for the past 17 thanks for getting through and that I have the strength to get through the next day.

@Sun_Addict thank you.

@ditty1234 thanks. I don't deserve to have some fuss made of me glad wife listened to me about it but was nice to have the card from my son. Wife and I are going to plan a few days out over the summer holiday as a family. We've got centreparcs with the in-laws to survive first ha fml. As I said I don't really care just embarrassing he noticed lol. 

My boy is quite used to seeing my wife work around the house and outside he goes to his mum if he wants anything practical doing haha. Did actually say we should maybe make a treehouse - not that I'm not capable ha. Wife said I should take 2 weeks off from the business over the summer hols and we could make a start then. She knows I struggle to keep my eyes open some evenings/ weekends. 

alt80

Spent a little time thinking about moving on from the lifestyle I've always lived trying to not be destructive about it, thinking more about what's important to me alongside playing things a little safer. I don't want to wind up 50 and still spending more than I can justify/ suffering financial hardship from not being able to wind it in/ get a grip now. I know my other problem makes things worse than it would be had I never touched the stuff but I also know I have a large appetite for the want to own nice things and that's not going to stop. I've spent a lot of time over the past year wishing I wanted to live some kind of saintly, frugal life - take minimum from business to live, reinvest everything possible and have no houses, cars, shopping etc. I can't do it though. Don't want to go back to £35-45k/a over spending that lockdown put a stop to either - that 100% couldn't have gone on forever. My only real options are to either earn more or spend less. 

Earning more I have ruled out for the next few years for reasons I've discussed. Spending less I am doing slowly but am concerned about the binges/ relapses on the pure spending side and the other side too. Some things I'm really discontent with - cars def but not being able to give my wife everything she wants, no real hope of upgrading son's school and the potential I won't upgrade my home or not for a long time. It's not even really a dissatisfaction with what I do have more a concern there's not more and what if I never get to the next level.

Do all the therapy but the thoughts don't go. Often wonder if anyone is ever truly content with what they have. Know quite a few on here say they are but is that truly 100% of the time? Saw a post on LinkedIn this evening from someone bigger in the business than I am by a long way - his staff smashing it. My staff are too 100% but his business is at the next level, probably more like 3 levels up really. Found myself thinking get there I'll have arrived. Thing is that won't be enough. It's a mindset thing 100% my dad is right I've always wanted to own the world but get to that stage and I'll be sad I don't own the moon fml. Don't want to live with the attitude to life I have for the rest of my days tbh it's torturous never truly enjoy anything when always looking up for the next thing.

Just a brain dump really ha.

MovingForwards

I get where you're coming from about people being 100% happy.  However we live with the cards we are dealt with, make the most of what we do have and have scaled down dreams to fit with what can be achieved. The alternative is the daily turmoil you go through and missing out on life.

A quick think about the friends and family who mean anything to me, comparing lives and they all have different things. Some have money, some have money and a nice property, but they are not actually happy. One has unrealistic dreams and won't scale back to achievable ones. Another would give everything up just to have her late husband back.  One to have her mom back; the latter are extreme examples I know, both are 'set up for life' with money but cannot buy the one thing they really want.

I won't lose sleep over what I don't have, I could achieve bigger but my health means more to me than any tangible assets and I won't risk my health further as I could lose everything I have worked hard to get.

Willowtree222

I’m content most of the time, but no, not always and then like you I have a blip in spending.

I can honestly say though that im
happy with the house and car I have and don’t feel like I want to upgrade on either. I’m hoping for a holiday home as a pipe dream for the future. 

I’ve also just turned down applying for a promotion as I know the money will be better but the time away from
home won’t make it worthwhile. The way I view some things is their not about capability, but more about capacity. X